This mornings readings were right where my heart is:
"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..." 2 Corinthians 4: 8, 9.
For more than a year now, my family has been in crisis. I can't give the details now, but it has been more difficult than anything I have ever been through. As with most things, there are certainly things that I am learning through this struggle, though I wish it were not true that the best lessons in life are learned the hard way.
As some of you know, I am pretty much a control freak. When I have a problem, I want to jump in and just fix it. No complaining, no whining, and certainly no asking for help. Not from anyone; not even from God. But this current situation is not about me. It involves someone I love dearly, but it was not a problem that I created, nor is it anything I can fix. I just have to sit by and watch. And pray. And pray, and pray, and pray.
For a year now, that is all I have been able to do. Of course, I am freely handing out advice (for a situation that I have never experienced and truly have no business advising). I tell God in my prayers what He should do to resolve the situation. But nothing changes. I am still hopeful that very soon now it will all come to a close, and things will get better. But there are no guarantees.
Learning patience is a real struggle. I hate waiting. I hate that God doesn't always say "Yes" to our requests, even when they are tear-soaked and relentless. I hate that I don't know what God's plan is in all of this. I hate not knowing if I am supposed to be doing, thinking, or saying something, and I can't figure it out, or if this has nothing to do with me at all. Maybe it is taking so long because someone else has to learn or do or say or think something. Maybe someone's salvation is at stake. Maybe all fo this struggle is to prevent something worse later on. Maybe we are all just caught in "friendly fire" between God and the enemy. I have no answers.
All I know, all I have to hang on to, is that God is sovereign. Nothing happens on earth that could take God by surprise. If He is allowing it, then I know it will all be okay soon. But how soon is soon, when with the Lord a day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years is as a day?
So this is me, hanging on, hoping, praying, and waiting, not so patiently....
"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..." 2 Corinthians 4: 8, 9.
For more than a year now, my family has been in crisis. I can't give the details now, but it has been more difficult than anything I have ever been through. As with most things, there are certainly things that I am learning through this struggle, though I wish it were not true that the best lessons in life are learned the hard way.
As some of you know, I am pretty much a control freak. When I have a problem, I want to jump in and just fix it. No complaining, no whining, and certainly no asking for help. Not from anyone; not even from God. But this current situation is not about me. It involves someone I love dearly, but it was not a problem that I created, nor is it anything I can fix. I just have to sit by and watch. And pray. And pray, and pray, and pray.
For a year now, that is all I have been able to do. Of course, I am freely handing out advice (for a situation that I have never experienced and truly have no business advising). I tell God in my prayers what He should do to resolve the situation. But nothing changes. I am still hopeful that very soon now it will all come to a close, and things will get better. But there are no guarantees.
Learning patience is a real struggle. I hate waiting. I hate that God doesn't always say "Yes" to our requests, even when they are tear-soaked and relentless. I hate that I don't know what God's plan is in all of this. I hate not knowing if I am supposed to be doing, thinking, or saying something, and I can't figure it out, or if this has nothing to do with me at all. Maybe it is taking so long because someone else has to learn or do or say or think something. Maybe someone's salvation is at stake. Maybe all fo this struggle is to prevent something worse later on. Maybe we are all just caught in "friendly fire" between God and the enemy. I have no answers.
All I know, all I have to hang on to, is that God is sovereign. Nothing happens on earth that could take God by surprise. If He is allowing it, then I know it will all be okay soon. But how soon is soon, when with the Lord a day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years is as a day?
So this is me, hanging on, hoping, praying, and waiting, not so patiently....
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