Boy, has December been a busy month! First of all, my computer has crashed 3 times this month. It is halfway working now, though some buttons and links still are not functional on most web sites for me. I tried to write this blog this morning, but it showed up in Hindi script, and I wasn't able to disable the translation tool, so I am trying again.
We had our annual state survey two weeks ago. I usually don't worry too much about the survey; it is a necessary process, and I always do the best I can at my job, so whether or not someone is checking makes no difference to me. This year was different.
We have a quality assurance nurse assigned to our building by the state, and our Quan, as we call her, doesn't like me. She comes every month, looks through our charts, and always finds some assessment or care plan or other item that she points out (in front of my boss and all of the other managers that I work with) all of the errors that she finds. It is really embarrassing, especially when the errors usually weren't mine, even though she tells everyone else that they are. Then, I usually cry. I finally stopped letting her get to me about a year ago.
Then it happened: The office called down to my unit to notify me that our survey was here, as it is always a surprise visit. I stepped out in the hall to find HER! The Quan nurse was to be MY surveyor. She trumped another state nurse for the position to survey my hall. I felt sick.
I quickly did rounds with the nurse, and when she went off to the office to start working on the first part of her report, I went into the med room to throw up. But, instead, I stopped, took a deep breath, and started to pray. I know that God gave me the words and the thoughts for the prayer, because I didn't pray for what I normally would have. What came out of my mouth was, "Dear Lord, give us both mental clarity, to see what we need to see." I asked God to help her see that the patients were well-cared-for and happy. I asked Him to help me see their findings and answer their questions openly, without any bias or preconceived ideas about what they might "really" mean. And it worked!
By the end of the survey, they found only one item to site in our survey, and it was basically a documentation issue--and they found nothing on my unit! I take that back; the Quan nurse found several things that she asked me to fix, and they didn't ever make it into her report!
A miracle, indeed!
(P.S. the celebration was short-lived, as I contracted a very nasty stomach virus a few days later, and missed almost a week of work. Now I am working overtime to catch up--no time to celebrate. That is why I have been so lax on my blogging of late) Will do better soon!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Divine Intervention?
I am still reading “Prayer: Does it Make Any Difference” by Philip Yancey. Every day I find something that makes me think in a different way. This passage really hit me:
“I used to spend a lot of energy asking God questions. Why must poverty persist in a rich country like the U.S.A.? Why does one continent, Africa, absorb like a sponge so many of the world’s disasters? When will “peace on earth” ever arrive? Ultimately, I came to see these questions as God’s interrogations of us. Jesus made clear God’s will for the planet—what part am I playing to help fulfill that will?”
You know, I ask these questions, too. Somehow, I expect one of two things when I pray. I either expect God to answer my questions or fix my problems with divine intervention (hopefully in a swift, direct response), or I expect God to show me how to fix my own problem (I like to do it all on my own, anyway). But it never ceases to amaze me how big God really is. I continually need to be reminded that every one of us is interconnected with God and with each other. God uses each of us in an intricate web to help bring about his will in each situation.
One of my favorite books is “The Count of Monte Cristo”. It is a classic, written long before my time, yet it is still intriguing. If you are not familiar with the story, it is about a man who is wrongly imprisoned (he was set up by a friend), and he manages to escape and work out a complex plan to bring down everyone involved in his imprisonment. Most of the story shows him weaving his web of vengeance, and finally, everything falls into place, and it all comes toppling down like a row of dominoes.
In a way, I see God working like that, only with a passion for love and redemption for all of us, instead of vengeance. He sets things in motion that we cannot see or understand. He has a plan to save us way before we even know we are lost. And we each play a role in His master plan to bring about the changes in the lives of others.
I cannot wait until I can see from the other side of this mortal life and can examine the Master plan and can see clearly where I have helped in others’ lives and they have helped in mine. Is God’s method of using human agents to work out His will any less divine than direct intervention? I think not.
“I used to spend a lot of energy asking God questions. Why must poverty persist in a rich country like the U.S.A.? Why does one continent, Africa, absorb like a sponge so many of the world’s disasters? When will “peace on earth” ever arrive? Ultimately, I came to see these questions as God’s interrogations of us. Jesus made clear God’s will for the planet—what part am I playing to help fulfill that will?”
You know, I ask these questions, too. Somehow, I expect one of two things when I pray. I either expect God to answer my questions or fix my problems with divine intervention (hopefully in a swift, direct response), or I expect God to show me how to fix my own problem (I like to do it all on my own, anyway). But it never ceases to amaze me how big God really is. I continually need to be reminded that every one of us is interconnected with God and with each other. God uses each of us in an intricate web to help bring about his will in each situation.
One of my favorite books is “The Count of Monte Cristo”. It is a classic, written long before my time, yet it is still intriguing. If you are not familiar with the story, it is about a man who is wrongly imprisoned (he was set up by a friend), and he manages to escape and work out a complex plan to bring down everyone involved in his imprisonment. Most of the story shows him weaving his web of vengeance, and finally, everything falls into place, and it all comes toppling down like a row of dominoes.
In a way, I see God working like that, only with a passion for love and redemption for all of us, instead of vengeance. He sets things in motion that we cannot see or understand. He has a plan to save us way before we even know we are lost. And we each play a role in His master plan to bring about the changes in the lives of others.
I cannot wait until I can see from the other side of this mortal life and can examine the Master plan and can see clearly where I have helped in others’ lives and they have helped in mine. Is God’s method of using human agents to work out His will any less divine than direct intervention? I think not.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Watering Seeds
Something truly amazing happened to me this week: a dear friend of mine accepted Christ and was baptized on Sunday! While I can't take credit for leading her to Christ (that is the Holy Spirit's job), I was able to be a part of the process. A few of us have been praying for this dear sister for years. We offered her support, I shared my book with her, I brought her a Bible and explained how it is organized and how to find the information she needs within it, and another friend took her to some meetings at her church. And she met God and was changed.
I am so humbled and honored each time God allows me a small part in His plans. He could easily change each one of us without any human interference, but instead, He chooses to let us be his "body" on earth and to do His work down here. Us. With all of our flaws and insecurities and ineptness. He gives us encouragement and guidance, and then lets us have a part in making miracles happen in each other's lives. What an amazing gift! I am truly blessed. I love God more and more every day, and I can't wait to meet him face to face!
I am so humbled and honored each time God allows me a small part in His plans. He could easily change each one of us without any human interference, but instead, He chooses to let us be his "body" on earth and to do His work down here. Us. With all of our flaws and insecurities and ineptness. He gives us encouragement and guidance, and then lets us have a part in making miracles happen in each other's lives. What an amazing gift! I am truly blessed. I love God more and more every day, and I can't wait to meet him face to face!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
A Miracle
I can't describe it as anything but a miracle. I am used to writing whole chapters, not pages, so I will try to keep it short without missing the important points:
If you have been reading this blog, you know my struggles with prayer, "Why, How, Does it help?" etc. You also know that I have a very hard time praying out loud, with other people around (which is one more reason to do it). Well, my coworker, Julie, recently suggested that we pray together in the mornings. Now, I already pray every morning, once with my daughter, and once on my own, but I need the practice praying with others, and it certainly doesn't hurt anything, so I agreed.
Also, I have been praying specifically (on my own) for God to change my way of coping with things. I am a type-A personality. I worry and fret about everything. I am a perfectionist. I cannot delegate anything on my to-do list, because it may not get done the way I want it done. (Or, it may not get done at all, or it may cause some disaster that I will have to fix later). I am driven to be the best at everything I do. And it is all overwhelming! Sometimes I am so pressured and overloaded that I break down in tears. I have been praying for deliverance from this for so long.
Now for the miracle:
This Monday was "one of those days." Everything went wrong. It had been a terrible weekend, and I am the manager. So my to-do list included a lot of investigation and damage control.
I have a patient with a very difficult family, that luckily lives several states away. Howeve, they came to town over the weekend, and of course, the patient had an event that was mishandled while they were there. Oh, how I wished it had been some other patient! I didn't want to deal with this family.
I also had a total of 6 incidents (falls, minor skin issues) that needed investigation (the investigation often takes up to 2 hours each to complete all the paperwork). Six is my all time record, by the way. Also, we somehow sent a dementia patient to the doctor, when she actually did not have an appointment. And no one went with her. The family was mad, the doctor's office was mad (and called me 5 times to make sure I knew it). And several personal items were reported missing from various rooms over the weekend. Additionally, the doctor made rounds, there were orders to take off, and it was the day I normally do wound assessments, which takes about 2 hours.
Luckily (providencially?) I had help. Julie started the day with prayer; the social worker also joined us. Julie handled many of the tasks, even taking on one of the incident investigations and handling all of the doctor orders. One by one, the problems all got handled. (Even the ones I didn't take care of myself...hmmm). My patient returned safely (everyone was upset, but she was safe, and that is what mattered most). All of the work got done. Most everyone was pleased by the end of the day, even the difficult family. Best of all? I never cried. I knew that God was with me, that I could trust him to handle it all, to give me the skills, the words, the help, and the time to pull it all together. And I felt at peace with it all for the first time ever!
This may not have involved burning bushes, flying angels, or other supernatural events, but for God to change a heart like mine, to free me from worry and anxiety on a day like this, let there be no mistake, was nothing short of a miracle!
If you have been reading this blog, you know my struggles with prayer, "Why, How, Does it help?" etc. You also know that I have a very hard time praying out loud, with other people around (which is one more reason to do it). Well, my coworker, Julie, recently suggested that we pray together in the mornings. Now, I already pray every morning, once with my daughter, and once on my own, but I need the practice praying with others, and it certainly doesn't hurt anything, so I agreed.
Also, I have been praying specifically (on my own) for God to change my way of coping with things. I am a type-A personality. I worry and fret about everything. I am a perfectionist. I cannot delegate anything on my to-do list, because it may not get done the way I want it done. (Or, it may not get done at all, or it may cause some disaster that I will have to fix later). I am driven to be the best at everything I do. And it is all overwhelming! Sometimes I am so pressured and overloaded that I break down in tears. I have been praying for deliverance from this for so long.
Now for the miracle:
This Monday was "one of those days." Everything went wrong. It had been a terrible weekend, and I am the manager. So my to-do list included a lot of investigation and damage control.
I have a patient with a very difficult family, that luckily lives several states away. Howeve, they came to town over the weekend, and of course, the patient had an event that was mishandled while they were there. Oh, how I wished it had been some other patient! I didn't want to deal with this family.
I also had a total of 6 incidents (falls, minor skin issues) that needed investigation (the investigation often takes up to 2 hours each to complete all the paperwork). Six is my all time record, by the way. Also, we somehow sent a dementia patient to the doctor, when she actually did not have an appointment. And no one went with her. The family was mad, the doctor's office was mad (and called me 5 times to make sure I knew it). And several personal items were reported missing from various rooms over the weekend. Additionally, the doctor made rounds, there were orders to take off, and it was the day I normally do wound assessments, which takes about 2 hours.
Luckily (providencially?) I had help. Julie started the day with prayer; the social worker also joined us. Julie handled many of the tasks, even taking on one of the incident investigations and handling all of the doctor orders. One by one, the problems all got handled. (Even the ones I didn't take care of myself...hmmm). My patient returned safely (everyone was upset, but she was safe, and that is what mattered most). All of the work got done. Most everyone was pleased by the end of the day, even the difficult family. Best of all? I never cried. I knew that God was with me, that I could trust him to handle it all, to give me the skills, the words, the help, and the time to pull it all together. And I felt at peace with it all for the first time ever!
This may not have involved burning bushes, flying angels, or other supernatural events, but for God to change a heart like mine, to free me from worry and anxiety on a day like this, let there be no mistake, was nothing short of a miracle!
Friday, November 2, 2007
How Big is God?
Do you ever have those moments when something you have known forever suddenly hits you in a completely different way? I have recently had just such an experience.
It started when I went on vacation. My husband and I flew across the country to visit our kids. We were taking turns as to which of us got the window seat. On one of my turns, we were flying through the clouds. Some of the time, the clouds were light and were spread out enough that we got occasional glimpses of the landscape below. At one point, however, the clouds became so dense that they completely obscured the wing of our plane, just feet from our window. The though hit me, "How does God see us through the clouds?"
I was struck by how awesome God is that He can look out from wherever His throne happens to be in the heavens, across the galaxy, through the atmosphere, through the shell of the plane, to see me sitting in my seat!
Then I started imagining how God could not only see me seated on that plane, but, simultaneously, He could see someone else in Africa or China, around the curve of the earth! In my finite mind, I always consider that by being made in God's image, that somehow God should be confined by the same boundaries that limit my human existance. It amazes me that God can have an existance, as a Being, with a shape and form, and yet He can not only be right with me wherevere I am, but He can actually live inside me, and millions of other people as well, all at the same time.
I have always known this about God, since I first became a Christan, but somehow the concept took on a fresh, new meaning that day. Then, a few days later, I was in my car, singing my little heart out to a CD of praise music, and suddenly I had this thought that God was listening to me. Again, I always knew that He hears everything we say, but in that exact moment, I was more keenly aware than ever before that he was actually listening to me.
I started thinking that if it were anyone else, I would immediately stop, as I am not exactly musically talented, but I felt strongly that God loves my praises to Him, no matter what key I'm in (or not in). That led to the thought that even if I were to keep silent, God would still hear me. If I think any thought, or feel any feeling, God knows all about it.
It amazes me to know that God can see me no matter where I am, inside or outside, and that He can understand me, whether I express my thoughts to Him or keep silent.
"Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes..." (Heb 4:13, NLT). The best news is that even though He is bigger than anything we can understand or explain, and He knows our innermost thoughts, He loves us and desires a personal, intimate relationship with us!
It started when I went on vacation. My husband and I flew across the country to visit our kids. We were taking turns as to which of us got the window seat. On one of my turns, we were flying through the clouds. Some of the time, the clouds were light and were spread out enough that we got occasional glimpses of the landscape below. At one point, however, the clouds became so dense that they completely obscured the wing of our plane, just feet from our window. The though hit me, "How does God see us through the clouds?"
I was struck by how awesome God is that He can look out from wherever His throne happens to be in the heavens, across the galaxy, through the atmosphere, through the shell of the plane, to see me sitting in my seat!
Then I started imagining how God could not only see me seated on that plane, but, simultaneously, He could see someone else in Africa or China, around the curve of the earth! In my finite mind, I always consider that by being made in God's image, that somehow God should be confined by the same boundaries that limit my human existance. It amazes me that God can have an existance, as a Being, with a shape and form, and yet He can not only be right with me wherevere I am, but He can actually live inside me, and millions of other people as well, all at the same time.
I have always known this about God, since I first became a Christan, but somehow the concept took on a fresh, new meaning that day. Then, a few days later, I was in my car, singing my little heart out to a CD of praise music, and suddenly I had this thought that God was listening to me. Again, I always knew that He hears everything we say, but in that exact moment, I was more keenly aware than ever before that he was actually listening to me.
I started thinking that if it were anyone else, I would immediately stop, as I am not exactly musically talented, but I felt strongly that God loves my praises to Him, no matter what key I'm in (or not in). That led to the thought that even if I were to keep silent, God would still hear me. If I think any thought, or feel any feeling, God knows all about it.
It amazes me to know that God can see me no matter where I am, inside or outside, and that He can understand me, whether I express my thoughts to Him or keep silent.
"Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes..." (Heb 4:13, NLT). The best news is that even though He is bigger than anything we can understand or explain, and He knows our innermost thoughts, He loves us and desires a personal, intimate relationship with us!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I am still reading, "Prayer...Does it Make a Difference" by Phillip Yancey. Today's reading really had me spinning. The chapter is "Unanswered Prayer: Living with the Mystery." I guess I keep reading, expecting to somehow find the answers to all of my questions about prayer, and I have many! This quote really put things into perspective:
"C.S. Lewis observes: The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of finite and foolish creatures, of couse He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable "success" in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic."
If only the chapter ended there! I can certainly accept that God is sovereign and has the best interest of all of His children in mind when He chooses how to answer each prayer. Of this I have never had any doubt. I have only wondered, "If God already knows what's best, why ask?"
Mr. Yancey goes on, however, to quote several promises in the Bible about prayer:
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatevr you ask for in prayer."
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven."
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
"You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it."
Then he goes on: "These represent just a sampling of the New Testament's sweeping claims made in plain language. Some preachers seize on these passages as a kind of club, flogging the church for not taking them literally and faulting believers for having too little faith. But how to account for the unanswered prayers of Jesus and Paul? And how can we reconcile the lavish promises with the actual experience of so many sincere Christians who struggle with unansweed prayer?"
He answers this question with several possibilities. 1. These promises were specific to the disciples, not to all Christians. 2. Each of these have a qualifier, "whatever you ask in my name." "If you remain in me and my words remain in you." Maybe we are not alligned with God when we make our petitions. 3. We don't wait long enough for the answers. Many requests will have to wait until all things are completed. 4. God works through people. "To pray, 'God, please help my neighbor cope with her financial problems, ' or 'God, do something about the homeless downtown' is the approach of a theist, not a Christian. god has chosen to express love and grace in the world through those of us who embody Christ. Sometimes, instead of asking, we should be doing, and thereby become answers to our own prayers.
Finally, he concludes that sometimes we don't get the answer we are looking for, becuase we don't persist in asking. "John Calvin said, 'We must repeat the same supplication not twice or three times onnly, but as often as we have need, a hundred and a thousand times... We must never be weary in waiting for God's help."
For me, that would be just about impossible. I would find that kind of petitioning to be insulting to God. When my kids beg me, "Please, Mommy, Please!" a million times, I get angry. I expect them to accept my first answer. Why would God want me to keep asking? I know that there are many examples in scripture of such pleading, and often, it works out for the person petitioning. But what about the Israelites, who begged for a King? Look what they got! God gave in to their persistent pleas, giving them what they asked for, not what was best for them. I am afraid for God to give me whatever I ask for. I need what He knows to be best, not what I think is best, from my limited view of my life and circumstances.
"C.S. Lewis observes: The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of finite and foolish creatures, of couse He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable "success" in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic."
If only the chapter ended there! I can certainly accept that God is sovereign and has the best interest of all of His children in mind when He chooses how to answer each prayer. Of this I have never had any doubt. I have only wondered, "If God already knows what's best, why ask?"
Mr. Yancey goes on, however, to quote several promises in the Bible about prayer:
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatevr you ask for in prayer."
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven."
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
"You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it."
Then he goes on: "These represent just a sampling of the New Testament's sweeping claims made in plain language. Some preachers seize on these passages as a kind of club, flogging the church for not taking them literally and faulting believers for having too little faith. But how to account for the unanswered prayers of Jesus and Paul? And how can we reconcile the lavish promises with the actual experience of so many sincere Christians who struggle with unansweed prayer?"
He answers this question with several possibilities. 1. These promises were specific to the disciples, not to all Christians. 2. Each of these have a qualifier, "whatever you ask in my name." "If you remain in me and my words remain in you." Maybe we are not alligned with God when we make our petitions. 3. We don't wait long enough for the answers. Many requests will have to wait until all things are completed. 4. God works through people. "To pray, 'God, please help my neighbor cope with her financial problems, ' or 'God, do something about the homeless downtown' is the approach of a theist, not a Christian. god has chosen to express love and grace in the world through those of us who embody Christ. Sometimes, instead of asking, we should be doing, and thereby become answers to our own prayers.
Finally, he concludes that sometimes we don't get the answer we are looking for, becuase we don't persist in asking. "John Calvin said, 'We must repeat the same supplication not twice or three times onnly, but as often as we have need, a hundred and a thousand times... We must never be weary in waiting for God's help."
For me, that would be just about impossible. I would find that kind of petitioning to be insulting to God. When my kids beg me, "Please, Mommy, Please!" a million times, I get angry. I expect them to accept my first answer. Why would God want me to keep asking? I know that there are many examples in scripture of such pleading, and often, it works out for the person petitioning. But what about the Israelites, who begged for a King? Look what they got! God gave in to their persistent pleas, giving them what they asked for, not what was best for them. I am afraid for God to give me whatever I ask for. I need what He knows to be best, not what I think is best, from my limited view of my life and circumstances.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Temporary Housing
Well, we made it back safely from South Carolina. We went to visit our two oldest children, who are in the military. Unfortunately, we were only able to catch up with one of them. The other one is stuck in temporary housing, waiting for orders, due to a medical issue, which has yet to be signed off by the commanding officer. She is not able to move forward in her training, and she is finished with boot camp. She is basically stuck in Limbo until the paperwork is all cleared up.
I was able to make the most of an otherwise wonderful vacation. The weather was perfect, and it was great spending time with our son. But it was hard not being able to see our daughter, when we were certain that she would be there with us.
This kind of parallels the rest of my life, from a spiritual standpoint. I am "on assignment," so to speak, here on earth. I have a task to perform, to "love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself." I am to go into all the world, telling others what Jesus has done for me, so that they may be blessed as I am. But this world is not my home. This life is not my ultimate goal. There is a wonderful, beautifu life ahead of me, where I will live in the physical presence of my Lord. I do not know when I will get my orders to move on. I do not know where or what my next assignment will be. I, too, live in "temporary housing" in this world. And all I can do is look to my Commander and follow my assignments to the best of my ability, with His guidance and direction all the way, until I get there. But I can be certain that one day, when I see Him coming in the clouds to take me home, that it will be the most amazing homecoming the universe has ever seen!
I was able to make the most of an otherwise wonderful vacation. The weather was perfect, and it was great spending time with our son. But it was hard not being able to see our daughter, when we were certain that she would be there with us.
This kind of parallels the rest of my life, from a spiritual standpoint. I am "on assignment," so to speak, here on earth. I have a task to perform, to "love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself." I am to go into all the world, telling others what Jesus has done for me, so that they may be blessed as I am. But this world is not my home. This life is not my ultimate goal. There is a wonderful, beautifu life ahead of me, where I will live in the physical presence of my Lord. I do not know when I will get my orders to move on. I do not know where or what my next assignment will be. I, too, live in "temporary housing" in this world. And all I can do is look to my Commander and follow my assignments to the best of my ability, with His guidance and direction all the way, until I get there. But I can be certain that one day, when I see Him coming in the clouds to take me home, that it will be the most amazing homecoming the universe has ever seen!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Perfection
In my devotional reading the other day, I came across this passage, from “God’s Way Day by Day,” By Charles F. Stanley:
“Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,” Hebrews 12:2
“You are a work in progress. God is molding and fashioning you into a person with whom He wants to live forever. Because of this, you have the hope that you are not going to be the same person tomorrow that you are today. If you are opening your life to God’s love, and you desire to have God’s love work in you and through you, then you are going to be more like Christ tomorrow than you are right now. Next week, you will be even more like Christ. Next year, you will be even more like Him. And so on.”
This really got the wheels in my mind spinning! On the one hand, I completely agree. I know that God, through the work of the Holy Spirit, transforms us, and I have seen much evidence of the kind of growth that Dr. Stanley is describing in my own life, as well as in the lives of almost every Christian that I know.
The apostle Paul puts it this way, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be.” Phil 3:12, NLT. I can relate to this. I am a type-A personality. I want to be in control, and it is easy for me to set a goal and to work really hard to achieve it. Jesus even says, in Matthew 5:48, “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” But when I read verses like these, it is so easy for me to assume that God started a work in making me perfect, and it is up to me to keep at it, as if to earn my own righteousness.
And herein lies the problem: I can’t do it! That revelation leads to feelings of failure and unworthiness and keeps me from seeking God’s presence. Like so many, I feel rejected, like I don’t measure up. But I am missing the point.
The apostle Paul tells us, “In its place you have clothed yourselves with a brand-new nature that is continually being renewed as you learn more and more about Christ, who created this new nature within you,” (Col 3:10, NLT). Jesus starts the process, and He finishes it. We can’t do it. We can’t develop our own character, and we can’t achieve perfection through our own works! We need to come to Him and allow Him to make the changes, to mold us and shape us in His way.
And that leads me to the other “hand” that I referred to earlier. While we are so focused on the process of becoming more perfect and working for our own salvation, we miss the point that when we accept Jesus as our savior, we take on His perfection. Paul again tells us, “…by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” Hebrews 10:14, NIV. He has made us perfect but he is working on making us holy. “What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!” (2 Cor 5:17, NLT). God sees Jesus when He looks at those that come to Him in Jesus’ name. Jesus said, “I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are—I in them and you in me, all being perfected into one….” John 17:22, 23, NLT.
So what are your thoughts on this renewal process? Do we actually grow up into Christ, or are we made perfect by accepting His sacrifice and taking on His perfection? Is our perfection even God’s goal in the first place? Can we expect to attain perfection through Christ this side of eternity? Does this line of reasoning come from our worldly perspective of trying to earn our salvation? Does it help you to know that Jesus accepts you where you are, but he doesn’t leave you there? Or does the idea of His changing you and helping you grow make you feel like maybe you will not be able to do it and leave you feeling helpless and rejected?
“Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,” Hebrews 12:2
“You are a work in progress. God is molding and fashioning you into a person with whom He wants to live forever. Because of this, you have the hope that you are not going to be the same person tomorrow that you are today. If you are opening your life to God’s love, and you desire to have God’s love work in you and through you, then you are going to be more like Christ tomorrow than you are right now. Next week, you will be even more like Christ. Next year, you will be even more like Him. And so on.”
This really got the wheels in my mind spinning! On the one hand, I completely agree. I know that God, through the work of the Holy Spirit, transforms us, and I have seen much evidence of the kind of growth that Dr. Stanley is describing in my own life, as well as in the lives of almost every Christian that I know.
The apostle Paul puts it this way, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be.” Phil 3:12, NLT. I can relate to this. I am a type-A personality. I want to be in control, and it is easy for me to set a goal and to work really hard to achieve it. Jesus even says, in Matthew 5:48, “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” But when I read verses like these, it is so easy for me to assume that God started a work in making me perfect, and it is up to me to keep at it, as if to earn my own righteousness.
And herein lies the problem: I can’t do it! That revelation leads to feelings of failure and unworthiness and keeps me from seeking God’s presence. Like so many, I feel rejected, like I don’t measure up. But I am missing the point.
The apostle Paul tells us, “In its place you have clothed yourselves with a brand-new nature that is continually being renewed as you learn more and more about Christ, who created this new nature within you,” (Col 3:10, NLT). Jesus starts the process, and He finishes it. We can’t do it. We can’t develop our own character, and we can’t achieve perfection through our own works! We need to come to Him and allow Him to make the changes, to mold us and shape us in His way.
And that leads me to the other “hand” that I referred to earlier. While we are so focused on the process of becoming more perfect and working for our own salvation, we miss the point that when we accept Jesus as our savior, we take on His perfection. Paul again tells us, “…by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” Hebrews 10:14, NIV. He has made us perfect but he is working on making us holy. “What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!” (2 Cor 5:17, NLT). God sees Jesus when He looks at those that come to Him in Jesus’ name. Jesus said, “I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are—I in them and you in me, all being perfected into one….” John 17:22, 23, NLT.
So what are your thoughts on this renewal process? Do we actually grow up into Christ, or are we made perfect by accepting His sacrifice and taking on His perfection? Is our perfection even God’s goal in the first place? Can we expect to attain perfection through Christ this side of eternity? Does this line of reasoning come from our worldly perspective of trying to earn our salvation? Does it help you to know that Jesus accepts you where you are, but he doesn’t leave you there? Or does the idea of His changing you and helping you grow make you feel like maybe you will not be able to do it and leave you feeling helpless and rejected?
Monday, October 1, 2007
Triumph!
Well, I did it! I said the prayer in front of the church. Luckily, I only had to do it during the early service (we have 2 services), and most of the people must have been sleeping in, so the room was half empty. I got up to read the scripture, and I told myself, "This isn't so bad. I can do this." Then I said a quick prayer under my breath, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength....Please be with me." I read the scripture, and everything was fine. Then I asked the congregation to kneel with me for prayer. I started, "Our gracious and loving heavenly Father..." Uh, oh! I started shaking.
I had a wireless microphone in my hand, and I almost couldn't hold it. I quickly grabbed it with my other hand. Now both of my hands were shaking wildly, barely holding the mic. I continued speaking. My voice was quivering. "Hurry. But don't talk fast. Don't panic," I told myself. I concentrated on the words I was saying. I pictured Jesus in my mind. "I am only speaking to Him. No one else is here." I told myself. I continued with the prayer. Finally, I got to "Amen." I did it! I hurried to my seat, and immediately my eyes welled up with tears. But I made it! I didn't pass out or throw up. And I didn't run away!
God helped me to face my fear, and I survived! My husband said he couldn't tell that I was even nervous (although I am sure he would say that no matter what). Will I try it again? I don't know. But if I need to step out of my comfort zone again, I know I can count on God to get me through it, just as He did this time.
I had a wireless microphone in my hand, and I almost couldn't hold it. I quickly grabbed it with my other hand. Now both of my hands were shaking wildly, barely holding the mic. I continued speaking. My voice was quivering. "Hurry. But don't talk fast. Don't panic," I told myself. I concentrated on the words I was saying. I pictured Jesus in my mind. "I am only speaking to Him. No one else is here." I told myself. I continued with the prayer. Finally, I got to "Amen." I did it! I hurried to my seat, and immediately my eyes welled up with tears. But I made it! I didn't pass out or throw up. And I didn't run away!
God helped me to face my fear, and I survived! My husband said he couldn't tell that I was even nervous (although I am sure he would say that no matter what). Will I try it again? I don't know. But if I need to step out of my comfort zone again, I know I can count on God to get me through it, just as He did this time.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Lessons
Well, I really blew it! You know how when you ask God to help you with something, He always comes through, in one way or another? Well, I always forget that when you ask God to teach you something, that it involves PAIN! You have to go through tough situations to grow. Well, this one, for most people, wouldn't be such a painful thing, but for me....
I have already mentioned some of my struggles with prayer. I do pray. All the time. But I have had a lot of questions lately. And I have never been able to pray out loud, except with the kids in my church, who are just as nervous about it as I am. But, I have asked God to help me to grow in the area of prayer. I meant to ask for his help understanding prayer, not actually doing it. But this week, I was asked to lead out in prayer, in front of my church! Yikes! I can't back out, because I know that God will just make me do it anyway, maybe not this week, but sometime, and maybe under less favorable conditions.
To top it off, I think He has even bigger plans for me, because I have also been invited to speak in front of another church. Not the sermon, mind you, but as a featured guest, to discuss my life, and my book (and the one I am about to publish in a month or two). It is a great opportunity, but I am really not ready. OR at least I don't feel ready. But then, when would I ever be ready, if I never got started? So, here I go...jumping in with both feet! Good thing God knows what he's doing, since I don't! :)
I have already mentioned some of my struggles with prayer. I do pray. All the time. But I have had a lot of questions lately. And I have never been able to pray out loud, except with the kids in my church, who are just as nervous about it as I am. But, I have asked God to help me to grow in the area of prayer. I meant to ask for his help understanding prayer, not actually doing it. But this week, I was asked to lead out in prayer, in front of my church! Yikes! I can't back out, because I know that God will just make me do it anyway, maybe not this week, but sometime, and maybe under less favorable conditions.
To top it off, I think He has even bigger plans for me, because I have also been invited to speak in front of another church. Not the sermon, mind you, but as a featured guest, to discuss my life, and my book (and the one I am about to publish in a month or two). It is a great opportunity, but I am really not ready. OR at least I don't feel ready. But then, when would I ever be ready, if I never got started? So, here I go...jumping in with both feet! Good thing God knows what he's doing, since I don't! :)
Friday, September 21, 2007
Prayer
I am still reading the book, "Prayer, Does it Make any Difference" by Phillip Yancey. It is really opening my eyes to a lot of ideas. So many of my questions, he answers directly, as he, apparently, has stumbled over the same things that are hindering me in my prayer life. In yesterday's section on unworthiness, I came across this passage:
"As if in direct rebuttal, the Bible gives a detailed record of God listening to prayers from decidedly unworthy people: from short-fused Moses to puerile Samson to the rough sailors who threw Jonah overboard, let alone the sulky prophet himself. God responded to King David's prayers of repentance after the sins of murder and adultery, as well as the desperation prayer of wicked King Manasseh. Jesus commended the prayer of an unworthy tax collector above that of an upright Pharisee.
"A sense of unworthiness hardly disqualifies me from prayer; rather, it serves as a necessary starting point. Apart from feeling unworthy, why call on God in the first place? Unworthiness establishes the ground rules, setting the proper alignment between broken human beings and a perfect God. I now consider it a motivation for prayer, not a hindrance." page 185.
Wow! I never thought of it that way. It is exactly because I am unworthy to ask anything of God that he wants to listen to me and lend me a hand. It goes back to that whole trust thing that I struggle with so much. But I am learning. Slowly but surely.
And I am sharing this with my daughter, too. We have been working on prayer together in the mornings, as I take her to school. We take turns praying for each other and for whatever else is on our minds. This week, she had a presentation to make in one of her classes, and she was very nervous. She has panic attacks, and she was afraid that she would get one during her presentation. She has a new teacher and doesn't know most of the other students yet, so we prayed that God would help her through it. She said, "I wish I could use an overhead, like we did last year. It is easier to do in the dark."
After school, I asked her how it went. "It was amazing! The power went out in our classroom right before my presentation, so I actually did do it in the dark!" The outage was random and affected various areas around the school, but there was no reason for what happened. How is that for an answered prayer!
"As if in direct rebuttal, the Bible gives a detailed record of God listening to prayers from decidedly unworthy people: from short-fused Moses to puerile Samson to the rough sailors who threw Jonah overboard, let alone the sulky prophet himself. God responded to King David's prayers of repentance after the sins of murder and adultery, as well as the desperation prayer of wicked King Manasseh. Jesus commended the prayer of an unworthy tax collector above that of an upright Pharisee.
"A sense of unworthiness hardly disqualifies me from prayer; rather, it serves as a necessary starting point. Apart from feeling unworthy, why call on God in the first place? Unworthiness establishes the ground rules, setting the proper alignment between broken human beings and a perfect God. I now consider it a motivation for prayer, not a hindrance." page 185.
Wow! I never thought of it that way. It is exactly because I am unworthy to ask anything of God that he wants to listen to me and lend me a hand. It goes back to that whole trust thing that I struggle with so much. But I am learning. Slowly but surely.
And I am sharing this with my daughter, too. We have been working on prayer together in the mornings, as I take her to school. We take turns praying for each other and for whatever else is on our minds. This week, she had a presentation to make in one of her classes, and she was very nervous. She has panic attacks, and she was afraid that she would get one during her presentation. She has a new teacher and doesn't know most of the other students yet, so we prayed that God would help her through it. She said, "I wish I could use an overhead, like we did last year. It is easier to do in the dark."
After school, I asked her how it went. "It was amazing! The power went out in our classroom right before my presentation, so I actually did do it in the dark!" The outage was random and affected various areas around the school, but there was no reason for what happened. How is that for an answered prayer!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Answered Prayer
Even though it shouldn't, God's way of answering my prayers never ceases to amaze me! The two patients that I prayed about and fretted over had amazing things happen yesterday!
As soon as I got to work, the one patient that was on the morphine was up in her wheelchair, wanting to eat breakfast in the dining room! She was pain-free all day! Our staff and her family were all equally amazed at her significant improvement in just one day!
And the other patient? She continued to get weaker and more confused. Her daughter sent me faxes and called me, trying to figure out what was going on with her. The amazing thing is that the lab had drawn what was supposed to be a blood count, to check for bleeding and infection. What they ran, however, was a metabolic panel, which showed a major imbalance. That explained everything! So, I am certain that this "lab screw-up" was actually God saying, "Duh, you guys. Look at this!"
Again, I learned that all of my fretting and whining was for nothing. God was telling me all along that I just needed to trust him! Maybe someday I will learn?
As soon as I got to work, the one patient that was on the morphine was up in her wheelchair, wanting to eat breakfast in the dining room! She was pain-free all day! Our staff and her family were all equally amazed at her significant improvement in just one day!
And the other patient? She continued to get weaker and more confused. Her daughter sent me faxes and called me, trying to figure out what was going on with her. The amazing thing is that the lab had drawn what was supposed to be a blood count, to check for bleeding and infection. What they ran, however, was a metabolic panel, which showed a major imbalance. That explained everything! So, I am certain that this "lab screw-up" was actually God saying, "Duh, you guys. Look at this!"
Again, I learned that all of my fretting and whining was for nothing. God was telling me all along that I just needed to trust him! Maybe someday I will learn?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A Tough Day
Yesterday was one of those days! I have two patients that are not doing well. They both have very involved families, who are attacking problems from the exact opposite sides. One patient is failing at rehab, is losing weight, not eating, and is rapidly declining. The family is doing everything possible to help make their loved-one well, grasping at every possible option, questioning every medication, requesting every possible test, and trying everything in a desperate attempt to bring their family member back to what she once was. It was very difficult yesterday, when I had to discuss tube feedings with this family. There were lots of tears, lots of questions, and at least 6 different phone calls to address the issues the patient is having.
On the other end, I have a patient with heart failure. She went to the hospital last week, and they were unable to do anything more for her. They referred her to hospice, which means that they have determined that she probably has less than 6 months to live. She is a wonderful lady, who is always smiling and always has a joke or a high-five to share with someone else. We all adore her. She is really in no distress, but she is consistently has dizziness and chest pain that we cannot control. Her family is holding a bedside vigil and requesting morphine at least every hour, to "help" their mom. Now, I am not one to withold pain medication, but in my experience, the amount and type of morphine that we are being asked to give is what we would normally give someone with only days to live, when he/she is no longer eating, drinking, or able to get out of bed. This patient is not at this point, so it is difficult for me and my staff to follow through on their requests. At one point, the patient's respirations were very shallow and less than the 12 breaths per minute, at which point we are not legally allowed to give morphine, as it slows breathing. I attempted to explain this to the family, and offered other comfort measures. The family was not pleased, and several interactions did not go well.
By the end of the day, I was praying: "God, make this stop! I hate this. It is too hard for me!" To which God replied, "Of course it is too hard for you, but this is not about you! You are not in this alone. I am with you. Remember: 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength?" (Phillipians 4:13). So, I changed my tune. "God, please give me the strength I need to help these people, and the energy to endure all these phone calls and conferences....And I still hate it! Maybe you can send someone else." Again, God replied, "But I am sending you. This is so hard, because you care. If you didn't have a heart and compassion for these people, it would not be hard. But I don't want them to be taken care of by someone who has no heart. I want you to do it. I am with you."
So, off I go again. I am still praying that God will give me strength, endurance, and plenty of compassion. I am thankful that I have an amazing team of nurses and CNA's that are giving loving, compassionate care to both of these patients and their families, and I know that God will take care of it all in his time, and in his way. So, I am trusting him today, instead of trying to do it myself.
On the other end, I have a patient with heart failure. She went to the hospital last week, and they were unable to do anything more for her. They referred her to hospice, which means that they have determined that she probably has less than 6 months to live. She is a wonderful lady, who is always smiling and always has a joke or a high-five to share with someone else. We all adore her. She is really in no distress, but she is consistently has dizziness and chest pain that we cannot control. Her family is holding a bedside vigil and requesting morphine at least every hour, to "help" their mom. Now, I am not one to withold pain medication, but in my experience, the amount and type of morphine that we are being asked to give is what we would normally give someone with only days to live, when he/she is no longer eating, drinking, or able to get out of bed. This patient is not at this point, so it is difficult for me and my staff to follow through on their requests. At one point, the patient's respirations were very shallow and less than the 12 breaths per minute, at which point we are not legally allowed to give morphine, as it slows breathing. I attempted to explain this to the family, and offered other comfort measures. The family was not pleased, and several interactions did not go well.
By the end of the day, I was praying: "God, make this stop! I hate this. It is too hard for me!" To which God replied, "Of course it is too hard for you, but this is not about you! You are not in this alone. I am with you. Remember: 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength?" (Phillipians 4:13). So, I changed my tune. "God, please give me the strength I need to help these people, and the energy to endure all these phone calls and conferences....And I still hate it! Maybe you can send someone else." Again, God replied, "But I am sending you. This is so hard, because you care. If you didn't have a heart and compassion for these people, it would not be hard. But I don't want them to be taken care of by someone who has no heart. I want you to do it. I am with you."
So, off I go again. I am still praying that God will give me strength, endurance, and plenty of compassion. I am thankful that I have an amazing team of nurses and CNA's that are giving loving, compassionate care to both of these patients and their families, and I know that God will take care of it all in his time, and in his way. So, I am trusting him today, instead of trying to do it myself.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Spinning out of control
Two weeks ago, my oldest daughter followed her brother into the Navy. We have always been really close, so this has been hard for me. I have always imagined that she would grow up and go off to college, and that maybe she would buy a house close to home. No matter what, I always thought that I would get to call her every day and visit her whenever I wanted. But that is not to be. Now it is only by mail and an occasional phone call that we can stay connected. I know it will get better when she graduates from boot camp and schooling and settles down a little, but it won't be anything like what I had expected.
In addition, my boss has been on vacation for two weeks at work. She left me in charge of the one thing that I hate most: incident reports. I have to follow up on every fall, every bruise, every little thing that happens, and make sure that we have everything in place to prevent it from happening again (like that is possible!). I don't even have time to do all of my work on a normal day, and this is a lot of extra work, and added stress, for me. We also admitted a patient two weeks ago with some really serious health problems and a family that calls me 4 times a day wanting minute-by-minute updates on her condition. Yikes!
You would think that would be enough, but I am also trying to complete my second book, which I could probably finish in about a week if I had time off, but at this rate it will take me a couple of months. And I have another publishing project that I am trying to get off the ground as well. And then I have lessons to prepare for my class at church. I also have normal day-to-day stuff like chores, cooking dinner, and spending time with my family. I fell like a juggler with too many balls in the air. I hope I don't drop any!
So, one would think that with all of this on my plate, I would at least go to bed early and get plenty of sleep, but that would make too much sense! Instead, I got up Tuesday morning at 1:30 am and stayed awake to watch the lunar eclipse! I am such a nerd! But it was worth it. I love watching the extreme parts of nature. Like climbing to the top of an active volcano, and looking down into the steaming crater. And meteor showers...I love meteor showers.
The great thing about these events is that it reminds me of how amazing and powerful our God is! To think that He is able to keep the moon from escaping the earth's gravitational pull and hurling out into space at a trillion miles a second! And He still remains personally involved in the lives of every single person, and I believe every other creature, on earth (and who knows how many other planets, too). I am convinced that if He can keep all of the planets and stars and other objects all in their orbits, He can keep my life from spinning out of control as well. So, no matter how many balls I am juggling, I can rest assured that He is in control, and I can trust Him no matter what happens.
In addition, my boss has been on vacation for two weeks at work. She left me in charge of the one thing that I hate most: incident reports. I have to follow up on every fall, every bruise, every little thing that happens, and make sure that we have everything in place to prevent it from happening again (like that is possible!). I don't even have time to do all of my work on a normal day, and this is a lot of extra work, and added stress, for me. We also admitted a patient two weeks ago with some really serious health problems and a family that calls me 4 times a day wanting minute-by-minute updates on her condition. Yikes!
You would think that would be enough, but I am also trying to complete my second book, which I could probably finish in about a week if I had time off, but at this rate it will take me a couple of months. And I have another publishing project that I am trying to get off the ground as well. And then I have lessons to prepare for my class at church. I also have normal day-to-day stuff like chores, cooking dinner, and spending time with my family. I fell like a juggler with too many balls in the air. I hope I don't drop any!
So, one would think that with all of this on my plate, I would at least go to bed early and get plenty of sleep, but that would make too much sense! Instead, I got up Tuesday morning at 1:30 am and stayed awake to watch the lunar eclipse! I am such a nerd! But it was worth it. I love watching the extreme parts of nature. Like climbing to the top of an active volcano, and looking down into the steaming crater. And meteor showers...I love meteor showers.
The great thing about these events is that it reminds me of how amazing and powerful our God is! To think that He is able to keep the moon from escaping the earth's gravitational pull and hurling out into space at a trillion miles a second! And He still remains personally involved in the lives of every single person, and I believe every other creature, on earth (and who knows how many other planets, too). I am convinced that if He can keep all of the planets and stars and other objects all in their orbits, He can keep my life from spinning out of control as well. So, no matter how many balls I am juggling, I can rest assured that He is in control, and I can trust Him no matter what happens.
Friday, August 10, 2007
In the End
I just lost a patient yesterday. This was the second one in two weeks. The facility where I work mostly does rehab, so it has been months since someone died on my unit. The man who died last week had only been there less than a week, and it was expected, but my patient that died yesterday had been with us for almost 4 years, so it was difficult for all of us.
This guy was a real joy to have around. He was very smart and had a great sense of humor. He had had a series of strokes and was unable to walk, so he was in a wheelchair. Whenever someone would push him around a corner, he would yell out, "BEEP BEEP" in his loudest, most authoratative voice, to avoid a potential collision. He kept us all smiling.
His wife, on the other hand, was a bit scary. She had complaints all the time. It seemed that she would not be satisfied unless we could add about a thousand square feet to his room and provide a personal one-on-one assistant. Sometimes, (though infrequently) when I would see her coming, I would sneak out the back door or go down another hallway to avoid her. I know that sounds awful, but it is true.
However, I didn't hide from her because she was a bad person. She was a truly devoted wife, and I know her husband was blessed to have had her for more than 50 years. I hid from her because I felt so inadequate to do anything. I always do the best I can, but in an institutional setting, I can only do so much.
So, yesterday was hard. But it was very good. My patient was awake and talking, wanting to get up for breakfast at 7:00 am. By 10:00 am, he was gone. We had enough time to call the priest, and his family was with him when he finally passed. He did not suffer. And, when his wife melted into my arms when it was over, I knew it was all worth it.
This guy was a real joy to have around. He was very smart and had a great sense of humor. He had had a series of strokes and was unable to walk, so he was in a wheelchair. Whenever someone would push him around a corner, he would yell out, "BEEP BEEP" in his loudest, most authoratative voice, to avoid a potential collision. He kept us all smiling.
His wife, on the other hand, was a bit scary. She had complaints all the time. It seemed that she would not be satisfied unless we could add about a thousand square feet to his room and provide a personal one-on-one assistant. Sometimes, (though infrequently) when I would see her coming, I would sneak out the back door or go down another hallway to avoid her. I know that sounds awful, but it is true.
However, I didn't hide from her because she was a bad person. She was a truly devoted wife, and I know her husband was blessed to have had her for more than 50 years. I hid from her because I felt so inadequate to do anything. I always do the best I can, but in an institutional setting, I can only do so much.
So, yesterday was hard. But it was very good. My patient was awake and talking, wanting to get up for breakfast at 7:00 am. By 10:00 am, he was gone. We had enough time to call the priest, and his family was with him when he finally passed. He did not suffer. And, when his wife melted into my arms when it was over, I knew it was all worth it.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Sweet Perfume
In our church, we are studying the book of Ephesians. As the pastor was talking, my mind, and my eyes, began to wander, and I came across these verses, from the New Living Translation: “Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume to him.” (Italics mine).
That really made my mind spin! I thought of Hebrews 12:2: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
I always think of the sacrifice that Jesus made with sadness. I think of the pain and the ridicule that He endured. I imagine what I would have done in the same situation, and I cannot help but be very glad that the whole thing didn’t depend on me; I would have thrown in the towel early on. And he could have, too. But to think that the cross brought God joy, like sweet perfume? This was a fresh, new idea for me.
Of course, I know that our salvation brings God joy, “…there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.” (Luke 15:10, NLT). But I always think that that comes later. It is hard to imagine that God was pleased with the sacrifice of Jesus at the time. As a parent, it would break my heart to see my child suffer and die, even for a good cause. But God knows the end from the beginning and was able to see the amazing results of Jesus’ sacrifice through the pain and could rejoice even during such a time.
So, when I go through trials, maybe I should keep this in mind. God is working to bring good things into my life, and perhaps to others through me. So, when I am struggling, if I could keep the perspective that my trial will be short (even a lifetime is short when measured against eternity), and that in the end, it will all be very good. I need to focus on the joy that is before me, as Jesus did.
That really made my mind spin! I thought of Hebrews 12:2: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
I always think of the sacrifice that Jesus made with sadness. I think of the pain and the ridicule that He endured. I imagine what I would have done in the same situation, and I cannot help but be very glad that the whole thing didn’t depend on me; I would have thrown in the towel early on. And he could have, too. But to think that the cross brought God joy, like sweet perfume? This was a fresh, new idea for me.
Of course, I know that our salvation brings God joy, “…there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.” (Luke 15:10, NLT). But I always think that that comes later. It is hard to imagine that God was pleased with the sacrifice of Jesus at the time. As a parent, it would break my heart to see my child suffer and die, even for a good cause. But God knows the end from the beginning and was able to see the amazing results of Jesus’ sacrifice through the pain and could rejoice even during such a time.
So, when I go through trials, maybe I should keep this in mind. God is working to bring good things into my life, and perhaps to others through me. So, when I am struggling, if I could keep the perspective that my trial will be short (even a lifetime is short when measured against eternity), and that in the end, it will all be very good. I need to focus on the joy that is before me, as Jesus did.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Preparations
I was a little rushed for my devotions this morning, so I decided just to open my Bible and start reading wherever I happened to be. Now, I am usually much more structured in my devotions and study, so this was not normal for me.
I read only four verses, but they hit me in a way I have never imagined before. John 14:1-4 says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (NIV).
I guess I have been working with children for too long, because I have always imagined that Jesus was up in heaven, working on some celestial building project. After all, he was a carpenter’s son! But if he spoke the world and everything in it into existence (see Genesis chapter one and Psalm 33:6), why would he take 2,000 years to “prepare a place” for us? There must be something else going on.
I thought about this all day. What is Jesus doing up there, to prepare for us? I think there may be several things. First of all, I think he is directing events and guiding the Holy Spirit to influence each of us, individually, in our growth and our relationship with God, so that we will be ready.
Second, Hebrews tells us that he is acting as a priest in our behalf, “…but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him because he always lives to intercede for them.” (Hebrews 7:24, 25, NIV). He hears our prayers and offers us forgiveness and cleansing, and he covers us with his righteousness, so that we will have a place in heaven.
Finally, and most importantly, he is completing his plan to restore order to the universe. “Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” (Hebrews 10:13, 14, NIV).
So, when I see that Jesus is “preparing a place,” I find that he is not building and planting, cooking and cleaning, as we do to prepare for guests. He is working out the plan of preparing our hearts for eternity with him, preparing all of heaven and the angels to accept us under his righteousness, and he is preparing his final plans to destroy sin forever and bring everlasting peace and joy to the universe. What a preparation!
I read only four verses, but they hit me in a way I have never imagined before. John 14:1-4 says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (NIV).
I guess I have been working with children for too long, because I have always imagined that Jesus was up in heaven, working on some celestial building project. After all, he was a carpenter’s son! But if he spoke the world and everything in it into existence (see Genesis chapter one and Psalm 33:6), why would he take 2,000 years to “prepare a place” for us? There must be something else going on.
I thought about this all day. What is Jesus doing up there, to prepare for us? I think there may be several things. First of all, I think he is directing events and guiding the Holy Spirit to influence each of us, individually, in our growth and our relationship with God, so that we will be ready.
Second, Hebrews tells us that he is acting as a priest in our behalf, “…but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him because he always lives to intercede for them.” (Hebrews 7:24, 25, NIV). He hears our prayers and offers us forgiveness and cleansing, and he covers us with his righteousness, so that we will have a place in heaven.
Finally, and most importantly, he is completing his plan to restore order to the universe. “Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” (Hebrews 10:13, 14, NIV).
So, when I see that Jesus is “preparing a place,” I find that he is not building and planting, cooking and cleaning, as we do to prepare for guests. He is working out the plan of preparing our hearts for eternity with him, preparing all of heaven and the angels to accept us under his righteousness, and he is preparing his final plans to destroy sin forever and bring everlasting peace and joy to the universe. What a preparation!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Lessons on Prayer
God has recently used an experience in my life to show me that it is time to grow again. Like most people, I would rather settle down into a quiet, mundane, non-eventful life than to go through what it takes to grow and learn. But, whenever things seem to calm down in my life, something always happens to shake things up. I don’t think God wants me to get comfortable with status quo, because He has so much to teach me, and I really have precious little time to learn.
My recent shake - up has been in the area of prayer. I am pretty faithful with the amount of time I spend in prayer, and like everything else in my life, I have a certain formula that I tend to use when I pray. I always start with thanking God for this and that, and then I ask for God’s help with whatever needs I have or see for someone else. As a type-A personality, I am generally task-focused, and that is true about my prayer life as well.
I had been praying for a very good friend of mine, who was expecting her second child. She was having a difficult pregnancy and was struggling with depression. She needed the kind of peace that only God could give. I asked God to bless her in a special way, to make her aware of His presence in her life and to show her that she mattered to Him. Mid-way through the pregnancy, she found out that her baby had a deformity. It was devastating. I prayed now not only for her own strength and healing, but for her baby. She wanted the baby to be well, but she was preparing for what it would take to raise a baby with special needs. And she was trying hard to trust God to make everything okay.
I know I prayed more earnestly and diligently for her than I have ever prayed in my life. I asked for God’s healing, for a demonstration of His power and of His love. But, God said, “No,” to my prayers. At seven months, my friend went into early labor, and she lost the baby. How do you make sense out of something like that? I was so confused. I felt betrayed. I guess I felt like most spoiled children do when Daddy says, “No.” I started asking, “Why?” “Why did you let this happen?” “Why didn’t you DO something?” Finally, I asked what was truly underneath it all: “Why do you ask us to pray, when we really have no control over the outcome, anyway?” (Notice the word control…I always get upset when I realize that I am not the one in control!)
Now, I know that God doesn’t mind when we ask Him questions. In fact, He encourages it, as long as we are asking out of an honest desire to understand Him. However, I don’t think He likes to answer our questions until we take the first step, which is to exercise our faith and trust Him. We need to believe that He knows what He is doing, even if we don’t understand. After we trust Him and follow Him in faith, He will lead us to understand. This has led me to search for answers, though I wasn’t really sure I was ready for them. I started reading books on prayer, studying scriptures, and yes, praying about prayer. And, slowly, God is opening my eyes, and my ears.
Here is what he is showing me so far:
Prayer is not one more thing for me to check off on my “to do” list. It is a time for me to be present with God. I mean really present. I tell myself that I am aware of God being with me all the time, and I often talk to him throughout the day, thanking Him for the great things that happen, seeking advice with my choices, etc. But what about the times when I am really not paying attention to Him? What about when I am at work, and my boss gives me the 300th project that must be completed before I can leave for the day. Do I really know that God is with me at that time? Or, when I am driving home, and I am stopped in traffic, and every light turns red, and I am frustrated, and I don’t think I’ll ever get home. Do I know God is there? And when I am praying, am I really in the presence of the Awesome God of the Universe? Am I really there? Phillip Yancey says, in his book, “Prayer: Does it Make a Difference?”: “Prayer that is based on relationship and not transaction may be the most freedom-enhancing way of connecting to a God whose vantage point we can never achieve and can hardly imagine.” (Page 55).
I guess I was missing something all along. Prayer is so much more than a quick comment or question thrown up to God, as I go about the rest of my day. It is more than communication. It is my connection to the Creator of the Universe. And, in spite of His power, His position, and His wisdom, He actually wants me to talk to Him, He wants to teach me things, and he wants me to know Him, intimately. The question I should be asking isn’t “Where is God in all of this,” but “Am I open to being in the presence of God, actively listening and seeking His will, seeking to know Him better?”
My recent shake - up has been in the area of prayer. I am pretty faithful with the amount of time I spend in prayer, and like everything else in my life, I have a certain formula that I tend to use when I pray. I always start with thanking God for this and that, and then I ask for God’s help with whatever needs I have or see for someone else. As a type-A personality, I am generally task-focused, and that is true about my prayer life as well.
I had been praying for a very good friend of mine, who was expecting her second child. She was having a difficult pregnancy and was struggling with depression. She needed the kind of peace that only God could give. I asked God to bless her in a special way, to make her aware of His presence in her life and to show her that she mattered to Him. Mid-way through the pregnancy, she found out that her baby had a deformity. It was devastating. I prayed now not only for her own strength and healing, but for her baby. She wanted the baby to be well, but she was preparing for what it would take to raise a baby with special needs. And she was trying hard to trust God to make everything okay.
I know I prayed more earnestly and diligently for her than I have ever prayed in my life. I asked for God’s healing, for a demonstration of His power and of His love. But, God said, “No,” to my prayers. At seven months, my friend went into early labor, and she lost the baby. How do you make sense out of something like that? I was so confused. I felt betrayed. I guess I felt like most spoiled children do when Daddy says, “No.” I started asking, “Why?” “Why did you let this happen?” “Why didn’t you DO something?” Finally, I asked what was truly underneath it all: “Why do you ask us to pray, when we really have no control over the outcome, anyway?” (Notice the word control…I always get upset when I realize that I am not the one in control!)
Now, I know that God doesn’t mind when we ask Him questions. In fact, He encourages it, as long as we are asking out of an honest desire to understand Him. However, I don’t think He likes to answer our questions until we take the first step, which is to exercise our faith and trust Him. We need to believe that He knows what He is doing, even if we don’t understand. After we trust Him and follow Him in faith, He will lead us to understand. This has led me to search for answers, though I wasn’t really sure I was ready for them. I started reading books on prayer, studying scriptures, and yes, praying about prayer. And, slowly, God is opening my eyes, and my ears.
Here is what he is showing me so far:
Prayer is not one more thing for me to check off on my “to do” list. It is a time for me to be present with God. I mean really present. I tell myself that I am aware of God being with me all the time, and I often talk to him throughout the day, thanking Him for the great things that happen, seeking advice with my choices, etc. But what about the times when I am really not paying attention to Him? What about when I am at work, and my boss gives me the 300th project that must be completed before I can leave for the day. Do I really know that God is with me at that time? Or, when I am driving home, and I am stopped in traffic, and every light turns red, and I am frustrated, and I don’t think I’ll ever get home. Do I know God is there? And when I am praying, am I really in the presence of the Awesome God of the Universe? Am I really there? Phillip Yancey says, in his book, “Prayer: Does it Make a Difference?”: “Prayer that is based on relationship and not transaction may be the most freedom-enhancing way of connecting to a God whose vantage point we can never achieve and can hardly imagine.” (Page 55).
I guess I was missing something all along. Prayer is so much more than a quick comment or question thrown up to God, as I go about the rest of my day. It is more than communication. It is my connection to the Creator of the Universe. And, in spite of His power, His position, and His wisdom, He actually wants me to talk to Him, He wants to teach me things, and he wants me to know Him, intimately. The question I should be asking isn’t “Where is God in all of this,” but “Am I open to being in the presence of God, actively listening and seeking His will, seeking to know Him better?”
Monday, July 23, 2007
Reflection
Well, after a 3 month hiatus, I have decided to try my hand at blogging again. So much has been happening that I haven't had much time to write. No journaling, no e-mailing, no poems, nothing. Truthfully, the whole thing has a lot less to do with a lack of time than with a lack of motivation. I usually write about spiritual things, about how God is leading me in my life.
Well, God is still leading me, but lately, I have been going through one of those quiet, reflective times, where I don't feel motivated to do anything, but am listening, learning, and absorbing. I feel a lot of growth happening, but that is also unsettling.
I think the whole thing started with a question about 2 months ago. I am searching for an answer from God, and it is coming slowly. But it kind of put everything else to a standstill. Until I get my question answered, it is really hard to move forward. I know that the Holy Spirit is the one that has directed me to ask the question of God, so that I can know the answer, but in the meantime, growth is hard. I sometimes think of how much easier it would be to just continue on, status quo, without having to change my thoughts, my life patterns, my attitudes. But then I would miss out on the great things I will be able to see, to know, to do when God brings me to the place where I am ready.
So for now, I am thankful that He is patient with me, and bringing me through this process at a pace I can handle. And I am listening.
Well, God is still leading me, but lately, I have been going through one of those quiet, reflective times, where I don't feel motivated to do anything, but am listening, learning, and absorbing. I feel a lot of growth happening, but that is also unsettling.
I think the whole thing started with a question about 2 months ago. I am searching for an answer from God, and it is coming slowly. But it kind of put everything else to a standstill. Until I get my question answered, it is really hard to move forward. I know that the Holy Spirit is the one that has directed me to ask the question of God, so that I can know the answer, but in the meantime, growth is hard. I sometimes think of how much easier it would be to just continue on, status quo, without having to change my thoughts, my life patterns, my attitudes. But then I would miss out on the great things I will be able to see, to know, to do when God brings me to the place where I am ready.
So for now, I am thankful that He is patient with me, and bringing me through this process at a pace I can handle. And I am listening.
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