Spinning out of control

Two weeks ago, my oldest daughter followed her brother into the Navy. We have always been really close, so this has been hard for me. I have always imagined that she would grow up and go off to college, and that maybe she would buy a house close to home. No matter what, I always thought that I would get to call her every day and visit her whenever I wanted. But that is not to be. Now it is only by mail and an occasional phone call that we can stay connected. I know it will get better when she graduates from boot camp and schooling and settles down a little, but it won't be anything like what I had expected.

In addition, my boss has been on vacation for two weeks at work. She left me in charge of the one thing that I hate most: incident reports. I have to follow up on every fall, every bruise, every little thing that happens, and make sure that we have everything in place to prevent it from happening again (like that is possible!). I don't even have time to do all of my work on a normal day, and this is a lot of extra work, and added stress, for me. We also admitted a patient two weeks ago with some really serious health problems and a family that calls me 4 times a day wanting minute-by-minute updates on her condition. Yikes!

You would think that would be enough, but I am also trying to complete my second book, which I could probably finish in about a week if I had time off, but at this rate it will take me a couple of months. And I have another publishing project that I am trying to get off the ground as well. And then I have lessons to prepare for my class at church. I also have normal day-to-day stuff like chores, cooking dinner, and spending time with my family. I fell like a juggler with too many balls in the air. I hope I don't drop any!

So, one would think that with all of this on my plate, I would at least go to bed early and get plenty of sleep, but that would make too much sense! Instead, I got up Tuesday morning at 1:30 am and stayed awake to watch the lunar eclipse! I am such a nerd! But it was worth it. I love watching the extreme parts of nature. Like climbing to the top of an active volcano, and looking down into the steaming crater. And meteor showers...I love meteor showers.

The great thing about these events is that it reminds me of how amazing and powerful our God is! To think that He is able to keep the moon from escaping the earth's gravitational pull and hurling out into space at a trillion miles a second! And He still remains personally involved in the lives of every single person, and I believe every other creature, on earth (and who knows how many other planets, too). I am convinced that if He can keep all of the planets and stars and other objects all in their orbits, He can keep my life from spinning out of control as well. So, no matter how many balls I am juggling, I can rest assured that He is in control, and I can trust Him no matter what happens.

In the End

I just lost a patient yesterday. This was the second one in two weeks. The facility where I work mostly does rehab, so it has been months since someone died on my unit. The man who died last week had only been there less than a week, and it was expected, but my patient that died yesterday had been with us for almost 4 years, so it was difficult for all of us.

This guy was a real joy to have around. He was very smart and had a great sense of humor. He had had a series of strokes and was unable to walk, so he was in a wheelchair. Whenever someone would push him around a corner, he would yell out, "BEEP BEEP" in his loudest, most authoratative voice, to avoid a potential collision. He kept us all smiling.

His wife, on the other hand, was a bit scary. She had complaints all the time. It seemed that she would not be satisfied unless we could add about a thousand square feet to his room and provide a personal one-on-one assistant. Sometimes, (though infrequently) when I would see her coming, I would sneak out the back door or go down another hallway to avoid her. I know that sounds awful, but it is true.

However, I didn't hide from her because she was a bad person. She was a truly devoted wife, and I know her husband was blessed to have had her for more than 50 years. I hid from her because I felt so inadequate to do anything. I always do the best I can, but in an institutional setting, I can only do so much.

So, yesterday was hard. But it was very good. My patient was awake and talking, wanting to get up for breakfast at 7:00 am. By 10:00 am, he was gone. We had enough time to call the priest, and his family was with him when he finally passed. He did not suffer. And, when his wife melted into my arms when it was over, I knew it was all worth it.

Sweet Perfume

In our church, we are studying the book of Ephesians. As the pastor was talking, my mind, and my eyes, began to wander, and I came across these verses, from the New Living Translation: “Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume to him.” (Italics mine).

That really made my mind spin! I thought of Hebrews 12:2: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I always think of the sacrifice that Jesus made with sadness. I think of the pain and the ridicule that He endured. I imagine what I would have done in the same situation, and I cannot help but be very glad that the whole thing didn’t depend on me; I would have thrown in the towel early on. And he could have, too. But to think that the cross brought God joy, like sweet perfume? This was a fresh, new idea for me.

Of course, I know that our salvation brings God joy, “…there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.” (Luke 15:10, NLT). But I always think that that comes later. It is hard to imagine that God was pleased with the sacrifice of Jesus at the time. As a parent, it would break my heart to see my child suffer and die, even for a good cause. But God knows the end from the beginning and was able to see the amazing results of Jesus’ sacrifice through the pain and could rejoice even during such a time.

So, when I go through trials, maybe I should keep this in mind. God is working to bring good things into my life, and perhaps to others through me. So, when I am struggling, if I could keep the perspective that my trial will be short (even a lifetime is short when measured against eternity), and that in the end, it will all be very good. I need to focus on the joy that is before me, as Jesus did.