White Christmas at the Cruze house!

With 3 feet of snow for most of the week, this will be a week to remember for our family!

We have had to dig out to the road to get to work every day, but the brightness sure does wonders for the darkness of winter. Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas day!

Lies we Believe

I was talking with some friends this weekend about some of the lies about God that we tend to believe. The concensus was that the most pervasive lie in the Christian community is that we must be perfect, or at least really, really good, to be saved. Where to people get an idea like that? Unfortunately, I think it comes from the rest of us Christians!

When someone asks one of us, like the rich young ruler did to Jesus, "What must I do to be saved?" we tend to tell them that they need to give up whatever sin we judge them to have before they can be saved. "If only you would quit drinking, live a moral life, quit watching those movies, listening to that music, looking at those pictures..." We forget that it is the Holy Spirit that makes the changes in our hearts and helps us to grow in Christ. We cannot make any change on our own. That is what the real Christian message is all about. If we could do it on our own, Jesus would not have come and would not have needed to die in our place.

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor theives nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God," I Corinthians 6:9, 10 NIV. This is what we tell people when we try to change them into Christians. You better shape up, or you're not going to make it! But we forget the rest of the verse:

"And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." Wow! We were all filthy in our sins, until God got ahold of us and cleaned us all up. It wasn't our "righteous" brothers and sisters setting us straight, it was God.

So, when we are offered an opportunity to help a wayward brother or sister, we need to introduce him or her to a God that loves them more than they can ever know. Help them to know the One that can save them. And let Him do the cleaning!

Full Circle

I haven't written in quite a while, not because I haven't had anything to say, but because I haven't had time to write. Well, this morning I have to make time, because, once again, I am reminded of how amazing our God is!

I am not sure where to begin, so I guess I will start at the beginning. About a month ago, I had a new patient that came to us after suffering a major stroke. His only daughter was quite anxious about all that was happening, and she needed a lot of information and support to help her adjust to all of the change in her father's condition. On top of that, she was about to leave for a trip overseas when her dad had his stroke.

Before she left, my coworker and I took the time to pray with her, though she was not in the habit of praying. I also felt a strong urge (read: from God) to give her a copy of my book to read on her journey.

While she was gone, I worried that she would be offended by my book, which is not at all subtle about God and how He works in our lives. I prayed daily that she would be blessed and not offended. I wondered what in the world possessed me to give it to her in the first place.

Then came the worst part: while she was away, her father suffered another stroke and died suddenly. I had not expected that, and I worried about how she would handle the news. I wished that I could have known ahead of time, that I could have prepared her, that I could have done something, anything, to help.

We were able to contact her and give her the news while she was overseas, and when she got back, she expressed gratitude for the care he received. She also personally thanked me for the book, and stated that it was helpful to her. She even wrote a line in her father's obituary thanking me for the care I helped provide in his last hours. It was heart-warming.

Fast forward to yesterday: My pastor called me at work. He was working on a eulogy for a former church member, and he had come across my name in the man's obituary. This patient had once belonged to my church, but had left the church as a child, almost 80 years ago, and his family had contacted MY PASTOR to do the service! That could only be the working of God, as I have never mentioned what church I go to or even what denomination I belong to.

This gave me a fresh perspective on how God watches over us and brings things together. I know that God was watching out for this gentleman all of his life and is still watching out for his family keeping them close. It gives me hope that when I don't see God's hand working in my life that I can still trust that He is there, working all things together for the good of those that love Him.

The times fulfilled?

I am so glad to see the elections completed. I was appalled at all of the negativity and finger-pointing by so many candidates, in so many races. Of course, the presidential election drew the most attention. I don't recall ever seeing so much controversy.

Now that it is over, we need to be praying for all of our newly elected officials. Like most Christians, I think that a lot of things are declining in our nation, like the economy, morality, freedom, and our national security. I forsee some scary times ahead. But I also know that no matter what lies ahead, God is in charge. He has a plan, the details of which may surprise us all, but He will not be surprised. I see no reason to fear the future, with God in control.

"And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ." Ephesians 1:9 - 10, NIV.

A New Thought

Here I go thinking again...

I had an experience last week when I was praying for something that had already transpired, though I did not yet know the outcome. I stopped myself, asking, "What is the use? It is already over with. What is the point of praying about it now?"

I have done this many times. For instance, when I was in college, I would pray that I did well on a test after I had taken it. Sometimes it worked. On one particular test, I knew for sure that there were several questions that I hadn't a clue how to answer. On one question, I even made up a word that didn't exist, just so I would have something written down. I prayed about the test all day, and God somehow made the teacher get distracted during the grading or something, because I got an "A". I even got points for the word I made up!

So, back to last week. When I asked myself whether it mattered that I prayed after the event, I had a revelation: God is not constrained by time as we are. He is in the past, the present, and the future all at the same time. So, when I am praying about something that has already happened, God is there. He is also there in the past when the event happened, and he knows that I will pray about it in the "future". He is all-powerful and has the ability to affect change and answer my prayer before I ask it, because to Him, I have already asked it in the future, where is also resides. Pretty deep thought for a blonde, huh?

So, even though I still have many, many unanswered questions about prayer, I know that it doesn't make any difference when I pray, only that I pray. And as to my prayer? It was answered.

Finally back

Well, I have finally made it through the task I was dreading: I gave a presentation in front of live people, all adults mind you, and I lived through it. I don't know how the Holy Spirit made me say "yes" when I was asked to speak, as I am sure my mind told my mouth to say "No." So for the past few weeks I have been writing and practicing and changing my presentation daily, so I would have it just right when the time came.

I practiced it the day before, in front of a live audience consisting of my 2 dogs and my teenage daughter. The dogs ran off after they listened for a few minutes and realized that we were not going for a walk, and my daughter fell asleep within ten minutes (I was to give an hour-long presentation). So much for my self-esteem!

When the night finally came, I prayed like never before: God, this is obviously your presentation, as I would never have agreed to do this on my own, so please do the talking for me! And it worked!

I got through the presentation, even slowing eventually to a normal speaking rate, and I even answered questions at the end. To top it off, several of the attendees bought books from me (more, in fact, than I sold all month last month!)

So, once again, God came through for me, helping me to do the impossible, and blessing others along the way (as it truly was His message that I was delivering). Praise the Lord!

cats and motorcycles

Ever since one of our 13-year-old cats came up missing this spring, we have been debating whether or not to get a new cat, as our one remaining cat has been very lonely since her sister has been gone. Well, last evening we took the plunge.

We were visiting our friends, who had a new kitten. He was beautiful--part Siamese with sparkling, ice-blue eyes. Our friends commented that their neighbor, where they got their new kitten, had several more. We went next door to look at them, and we found two that we just couldn't leave without.

But there was a problem: the kittens were infested with fleas. We didn't want to take them home covered in fleas, as we have never had any fleas on our property or on any of our pets. So, we decided to bathe them before we brought them home. They were not thrilled.

Our friends did not have any flea soap, but we thought that a good soak in a tub of water would still help. We were able to wash off at least a couple dozen fleas, but they were still covered. We decided that we would have to stop on the way home and pick up some flea soap, powder, collars, drops, or something, on the way home.

Then we had another problem: How would we get them home? We had travelled to our friends' home on our motorcycle. Our friends offered us a pillow case that served well as a cat carrier, and we were on our way. Did you know that cats don't like motorcycles? We found that out in a hurry!

When we finally made it home with our new bundle of not-so-joyous furballs, we quickly gave them yet another bath, this time with flea soap. Then we dried them off, and put some drops on their necks to keep the fleas from coming back. So, after two baths and a scary motorcycle ride home, they were ready for a meal and a nap. This morning, they are quite enjoying exploring their new home.

This reminded me of our journey home with Jesus. He finds us, all infested with sin. We need to be washed clean, but not just with water, but with special sin medicine -- his blood. Then, he sometimes keeps us in the dark, like the cats in the pillow case, while we travel down a scary road, like the cats on the motorcycle. But eventually, after the journey and the washing, we will enjoy a great feast and have endless time enjoying our new home with God.

Uncomfortable

The husband of one of my patients is a pastor. After reading one of my books, he asked me to speak at his church. Somehow, I agreed (not I, but Christ who lives within me???) One of my greatest fears is public speaking, second only to being eaten by a bear--but that is a topic for another day!

I have a month to prepare for the message I am to deliver, which should be plenty of time. But in my carnal nature, I have been spending sleepless nights trying to figure out how to use this time to scheme some plan to get out of my "assignment."

You see, God has been leading me down uncomfortable paths for the last year or so, helping me to grow in ways I never imagined. But, the process is slow and painful, as growth usually is. So, last Monday morning, after spending most of the night coming up with excuses to get me out of this task, I got into my car and headed to work.

I turned on the radio, and Dr. Charles Stanley was speaking. The message was that when the Holy Spirit leads us in a direction that is uncomfortable, we must follow. He then systematically deflated all of the excuses I had dreamed up just that night! He explained what a sin it would be to refuse to follow where God is leading me, just because I am uncomfortable with it. I got the message.

As the week progressed, I began to hesitate again. I wondered if each of us, as Christians, actually have the assignment to go and teach and make disciples, as Jesus had commanded, or if that task was only for the disciples and for "the church" but not necessarily for me.

When I went to church this week, guess what the topic was? That's right, it was a direct answer to this question! Yes, we are all commissioned to share the gospel and to go where God leads us. So, no more excuses. I will go where God is leading me. When my tongue stops working and I am dripping with perspiration and my knees are shaking, then in my weakness, He will be my strength, and He will deliver His message through me.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Red Lodge Rally part 2

Inside the park, we saw thousands of bison. They had many babies within their herds -- a rare sight. Some of the bison were crossing the road or standing so near our bike that we could have touched them, had we dared. I had never seen so many of them in my life! We also saw a herd of elk swimming across a river as we rode through one of the valleys, and we saw many deer grazing in the meadows and along the edges of the road as we traversed the park.

The natural scenery in the park was also amazing! We rode to Artist point, and took photos of the spectacular Lower Falls on the Yellowstone River. We saw the Old Faithful geyser blow, in an exciting show of nature’s power, and many bubbling pools of mud and volcanic steam in various places throughout the park. We cruised by Yellowstone Lake and saw a great variety of birds, and we could see the Grand Teton Mountains in the not so distant background. Our experience was so much more exciting from the seat of our bike than it would have ever been from a car, where we would have to stop and get out every time we wanted to see something. We completed our ride through Yellowstone at about 7:30 in the evening.

By 9:00 p.m. we were at a place called the “top of the world,” high in the Beartooth Mountains, in Wyoming. It was sunset, and the sky glowed red along the crest of rock, forming the peaks of the mountain range to our west. We were at timberline, and we were surrounded by glaciers on all sides. It was spectacular! As we were taking in the breathtaking scenery, we stopped suddenly, as a mother moose crossed the road right in front of us, joining her calf on the left side of the road. I had never seen a moose before!

We continued to ascend the pass for another half hour. I don’t know why we had to keep going up from the “top of the world,” but we finally reached the summit, at just under 11,000 feet in elevation, at 9:30 p.m. It was certainly getting cold, but that didn’t matter, because all around us were glaciers and alpine lakes. Everything was glowing pink and purple all around us, as the setting sun cast its glow on the ice and snow in the glaciers between the craggy peaks. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen! I could have stayed there forever, if it were just a little warmer!

We made it back down the other side, as darkness continued to descend upon us, but I think God made the sunset last extra long that night, just for us, as it stayed light long enough for us to safely find our route. We made it back to our hotel for the night at 11:30. It was the best ride of my life!

We left for home on Sunday morning. Our group split in half part way back, as we each decided to take a different route home. We chose to take the scenic highway 12 from Missoula into Idaho. As we rode along the Clearwater River, the scenery was again amazing! And, as dusk began to creep in on us, we saw the wildlife coming to life along the river. We again had the rare opportunity to see a young moose at the river’s edge.

We arrived home on Monday evening, ending a most amazing journey. I will always remember the beauty of nature and the bonds of friendship that I experienced on this remarkable adventure.

Red Lodge Rally Part 1

We left for Montana early on a Wednesday morning. It started off a little cold but quickly warmed up. It was a beautiful, sunny day. We stopped for the first night in St. Regis, Montana. From there, on Thursday morning, we crossed the Rocky Mountains in the early morning. As we rode through Montana, we saw so much wildlife. We saw a nest with an Osprey and her two chicks on top of a utility pole. We saw a herd of pronghorn in a field, under a large shady tree. There were many pronghorn and deer scattered throughout the fields as we rode through miles of farmland and pastures interspersed between the mountain ranges. I also saw my first prairie dog, standing watch next to its mound. The scenery was spectacular.

We made it to our destination in Red Lodge, Montana, on Thursday evening. We had reserved a room in nearby Laurel, about 40 miles outside of Red Lodge. Our friends were able to stay in town, some in a hotel right on Main Street, and the others in a rental property on the other side of town.

On Friday morning, we rode into Red Lodge and spent the day checking out the town and all of the vendors that came for the Rally. We were able to relax and get to know the other people in our group that we rode down with, as we only knew one couple to begin with, and the rest were friends of theirs, that we will now be able to call our friends, too. We went to the rental house in the evening and barbecued with our new friends. We had a great time.

On Saturday, we went on a poker run through the Beartooth Mountains that run along the border between Montana and Wyoming and traveled the historic Chief Joseph highway. It was a breathtaking ride! The wildflowers were in bloom, and the mountainsides were covered in yellow, red, and purple. The air was sweet with their fragrance, and there was an exciting new view with each corner that we turned, as we ascended one mountain and descended into another valley. We saw canyons and mountain peaks, and beautiful rock formations of many colors.
We finished our run in Cooke City, Montana, which was near the northeast entrance of Yellowstone National Park. From there, we separated from the rally group and headed off into the Park.

Note in a Tin Can

I got this off the web, the author is unknown, but I really liked it and wanted to share:

"Years ago, near a seldom-used trail in the Amargosa Desert in California, there stood a rundown hut. Nearby was a well, the only source of water for miles around. Attached to the pump was a tin baking powder can with a message inside, written in pencil on a sheet of brown wrapping paper. This was the message:

"This pump is all right as of June 1932. I put a new sucker washer into it and it ought to last five years. But the washer dries out and the pump has got to be primed. Under the white rock I buried a bottle of water, out of the sun and cork end up. There's enough water in it to prime this pump, but not if you drink some first. Pour in about 1/4 and let her soak to wet the leather. Then pour in the rest medium fast and pump like hell. You'll git water. The well never has ran dry. Have Faith"
"when you git watered up, fill the bottle and put it back like you found it for the next feller.
signed: Desert Pete.

"P.S. Don't go drinkin the water first! Prime the pump with it and you'll git all you can hold. And next time you pray, remember that God is like the pump. He has to be primed. I've given my last dime away a dozen times to prime the pump of my prayers, and I've fed my last beans to a stranger while saying Amen. It never failed yet to git me an answer. You got to git your heart fixed to give before you can be give to."

I think this fits nicely with what I have been learning about prayer this past year. I hope you have been blessed, like I have.

Listening to God

I was just catching up on some reading, when I found this short piece, in "The Week" magazine, June 6, 2008:

"Good week for devine intervention, after two New Zealand pilots ran out of fuel in midflight and prayed for God's help. The microlight plane came to a safe landing next to a 20-foot sign that said, 'Jesus is Lord.'"

This made me think of all the times that I have prayed to God for an answer to a specific problem or for guidance in making choices. I have asked so many times for a clear answer, like the example above, but usually all I get is that "still small voice" barely noticeable, barely audible. I often think that life would be so much easier if God would use billboards and thunder to get our attention.

But, then, would we really get it? When God speaks to us softly, hinting at his presence, it makes us have to search for him. We have to exercise our spiritual muscles to grow closer to God. If God were more "out there," we might get lazy. Would we really try to get to know and understand Him? Would we spend the time we need, learning to listen, if He didn't continually respond in a whisper? I am glad that He stays just below the surface, where I know that He is there, but I have to quiet the racing thoughts in my mind in order to hear His voice and feel His presence.

What a week!

Well, my oldest daughter got married this week! It was a beautiful ceremony outdoors, at a local waterfall. The beach below the falls was flooded, due to all of the rain we have been getting, as well as an enormous amount of snow melt, so we had to use squeeze together at the overlook above the falls. The sun actually came out, and the rain stayed away until very late in the day, so everything was just perfect! God's blessings were abundant, even though I had spent much of the week before worrying over every detail. (I am more Martha than Mary --Luke 10:38 -42)

I got to meet my new son-in law just the day before, when we picked them both up at the airport. I was determined to like him no matter what, but I was pleased that he was easy to like. He is very kind, respectful, and funny. He treats my daughter very well, and they are very happy together. I had no problem offering them my blessing. They are now visiting his family in California, before they return to the Navy base to continue their studies.

After having my son and then my daughter and son-in-law home from the Navy, having a birthday party last week for my youngest daughter, and finally the wedding this week, I was almost too tired to go to church this morning, but I am glad that I went. We had a guest speaker, whose message today was on intercessory prayer. If you have been reading this blog, you know that this is where I have been struggling for a while now. It was exactly what I needed. It seems that the pastor had struggled with the same questions that have kept me in the dark, and he was prepared with just the answers I needed. How great that God would use just such a time to reach out to meet my needs!

Book Review

Well, I finally finished reading, "I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Athiest," by Norman Geisler and Frank Turek. I was thoroughly impressed with the first 3/4 of the book, where the authors give detailed, historical, and scientific reasons that we can believe that God is real and that the Bible is true and accurate. They use evidence from astronomy, biology, genetics, and history to show that Chrisianity is believable beyond a reasonable doubt. I was impressed.

For example, when describing why creation makes more sense than evolution, they say, "As with a car engine, all the right parts must be in place in the right size at the same time for there to be any function at all....living systems quickly would become nonfunctional if they were modified piece by piece." (p.145) And, "The complexity of the simplest known type of cell is so great that it is impossible to accept that such an object could have been thrown together suddenly by some kind of freakish, vastly improbable event. Such an occurrence would be indistinguishable from a miracle." p. 121

I also loved this quote, by Andy Stanley, "My high school science teacher once told me that much of Genesis is false. But since my high school science teacher did not prove he was God by rising from the dead, I'm going to believe Jesus instead."

There are several chapters on why we can trust the eye-witness testimony of Jesus' disciples and other early witnesses as recorded in the scriptures, and a good deal of evidence to dispute the various arguments against the resurrection account, such as, if Jesus didn't rise from the dead, why didn't someone present his dead body and clear up the confusion? Or, why would the disciples and early believers risk their lives to spread the gospel, if they were lying? Some very good points.

That being said, the authors, at the end of the book, leave their rational, relevant, and detailed arguments to go off on a tangent, teaching doctrine that is not biblically sound, and then not providing one iota of supportive reasoning or data. For example:

"You say, 'God will just annihilate those who don't believe.' No, he won't. Hell is real. In fact, Jesus spoke more of hell then he did of heaven. God will not annihilate unbelievers because he will not destroy creatures made in his own image. That would be an attack on himself. (What would you think of an earthly father who killed his son just because his son chose not to do what his father wanted him to do?) God is too loving to destroy those who don't want to be in his presence. His only choice is to quarantine those who reject him. That's what hell does--it quarantines evil, which is contagious." pp 385-386.

My response is: what??? God would rather have people suffer torture for eternity because he loves them so much??? Why would he not destroy them, as his word teaches, rather than cause them to suffer endlessly? Which seems more loving? (and more true to scriptural teaching?) (see Rev 20:9 & 21:8; 2 Peter 3:10; Matt 10:28 & 13:30, 40; Rom 6:23; Psalm 37:9, 20, 34 & 68:2 & 104:35 & 145:20; and Malachi 4:1 for just a few examples of the finality of the punishment)

And again, they say, on p. 393, "After all, God's justice demands that there will be degrees of rewards in heaven just like there will be degrees of punishment in hell."

So, where does he get this stuff? In Matthew chapter 20, the parable of the vinyard workers, Jesus appears to me to explain that we all get the same reward in heaven. And in several places, the Bible tells us that to be guilty of one sin is to be guilty of all, because all we have to do is break one part of the law to be a sinner, and we are all equally sinners in God's eyes. I see no evidence of any hierarchical sins or rewards in my reading of scripture. Maybe they were confused and got the Bible mixed up with Dante's "Inferno"?

So, my recommendations would be to read this book with an open mind, and accept only those segments that are well supported.

Trip to the Big Trees

"Let the fields and their crops burst forth with joy! Let the trees of the forest rustle with praise before the Lord!" (Psalm 96:12, NLT)

With our son home on leave from the Navy, we decided to take a road trip on our motorcycles to the Redwood forest in California. It was cold and cloudy, with plenty of northwest liquid sunshine as we travelled through Oregon, but our time in California, among the giant trees was perfect. The sun shone bright, the breeze carried the fragrance of the trees and wildflowers, and we could hear the sounds of bird songs, rushing water from a nearby river, and the wind winding through the treetops, as we hiked through miles of massive trees. I can't imagine that I will ever lose the awe that I feel, each time God reveals to me how creative, and yet how powerful He is. To think that he can create such splendor and such diversity, with all creatures, plants, animals, and even the conditions needed to sustain them (air, water, soil nutrients, sunlight, etc) all working together in perfect harmony, and yet he can be interested in even the smallest detail of my seemingly insignificant life amazes me. I just can't get enough of my God and all of his wonders.

God always sends help

Over the past year and a half, God has placed a special burden on my heart to focus more on prayer. I have always been comfortable with the kind of prayer that is strictly between God and me, the kind where I share my most intimate thoughts and feelings with Him, ask Him for direction, thank Him for the blessings He sends and the lessons that He teaches me (even when they are painful), and share my joys and sorrows. Corporate prayer, where these intimate thoughts become public, and intercessory prayer, where I ask for God to work in someone else's life, have been more challenging.

About a year ago, I asked my pastor for some help in this area. He shared with me a book on prayer, but it really didn't help all that much. It didn't touch on the questions that I had. I was too embarrassed to tell him that I still didn't "get it," and he didn't pursue it, so I moved on. I read a few more books on prayer, which, frankly, left me with still more questions, and no real answers. So, God sent Julie.

Julie is my partner at work. We make such an incredible team. She is strong where I am weak, and we both have such a great love for God and for our "neighbors". As I mentioned to her that I was struggling with prayer, she suggested that we pray together in the mornings. I thought that would be great. I thought she would do the praying, I would say, "Amen," and that would be that. But she had better plans. We trade off days leading the prayer, and our group is not just the two of us. We now have a group of five regulars and about 6 more that come when they can. Sometimes, we meet in a patient's room, or invite them into my office to join us. It has been great! There have been some fabulous outcomes, and I am growing in my comfort with "corporate" prayer. (meanwhile, my church has asked me to lead out in prayer, too. I somehow accepted, and the first time I did it, I was sure that I would see my breakfast again, but with a shaking body and quivering voice, I did it. The second time was much easier, and I know that God is leading me to grow in this area).

As for intercessory prayer, I have always gone through the motions, but I never understood how or why it works. Why would God, who knows the plans he has for each of us, and works all things for our benefit, ask us to pray for others? If it is for our own growth, reaching outward instead of always inward, I could get that. But if we can somehow change God's mind toward someone, or have Him choose a different plan for the person than He already has, then that gets more confusing. (though there is Bible evidence to support this idea). Again, Julie has helped me with this, and it has helped to see God actually answer this kind of prayer.

Finally, last week, Julie taught me something so terrific. There is a young woman that we both know and care about. This young woman read my book, "Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos," about a year ago. Since then, she has asked me many difficult questions about God and the meaning of life, and she has opened herself up to trust me with some personal struggles. She has also shared with Julie and asked her similar questions. I am a bit reserved when it comes to sharing God's good news with others. I don't want to push anyone away, so I hold back. I wait for them to ask me, then I share whatever I can. Julie doesn't wait, and she doesn't hold back. And with Julie's guiding, this young woman accepted Christ last week! I was privileged to be a part of it, and I was able to see first-hand how to take that step of directly asking someone if they want to accept Jesus as their savior. All of these years, I have never known how to do that.

Praise God for the special friends and helpers that He gives us in our journey!

Amazing Love

As I was driving home today, I began thinking about hymns. I am a young person (at least at heart), and I listen to a lot of contemporary music, but I will never really fall in love with a contemporary song, like I have with some of the old hymns. There is something ageless about some of these old songs, and the writers put so much heart and meaning into what they wrote. You certainly don't get that from hip-hop.

For example, the song, "My Jesus, I love thee" has a verse that goes like this:
"I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me, and purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree; I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow; if ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now."

Just think, if our young people, or even the rest of us, could really wrap our finite minds around such a thought. If we could really understand the kind of love that Jesus has for us, what would that do to our lives? You know, it wasn't the Jews that killed Jesus. It wasn't even the Romans. It was his immense, compassionate, fanatical love for us that made him voluntarily lay down his life!

Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

If we could really, truly believe that, what a difference that would make! We could have no depression, no self-esteem issues. We would see ourselves for who we really are, how God sees us, as someone worthy of God's risking everything in a compassionate pursuit of our hearts. Now that is Amazing Love!

Exhausted

Well, it is finally Friday, and I am exhausted! It was a long week to begin with, as I had to work 8 days straight before I got one day off, then back to work for another 3. Whew! On top of that, it has been a very emotionally challenging week. We lost 3 patients this week, all of whom were with us for two years or more. That brings us to a total of 7 in the past 6 weeks. Prior to that, we were stable for months and months. And I also lost my cat, of 14 years.

For those of you that know me well, you know that I don't deal all that well with death and dying. So, that makes me rethink my career choice every time I lose one of these dear souls. Why would I ever choose to work in a profession where I have to get close to people and then say good-bye to them? Why do I choose a job, where all too often one of my job duties is to place a call, "I am sorry to tell you that your (mother/father) is passing/has just passed away..." I really hate those calls.

They used to tell nurses, "Don't get too attached to your patients." But how do you "care" for your patients, if you don't "care" for them? Caring is what we do, and we can't help but become attached to someone we care about.

I guess it all comes back to taking the good with the bad. I no longer have a mother or any grandparents, so I love having all of these older folks to share with. They amass such wisdom, and it is great to be a part of their lives. The stories that the "greatest generation" have to tell just amazes me. I love being a part of their lives. They are such a blessing to me. I am a caregiver, but I must tell you, the care goes both ways!

So, when I lose one of my extended "family" members, it leaves an empty space in my heart, just as if I had lost someone in my genetic family. And it is very painful. I do rely on my faith to give me strength in these times, but the pain is still there.

And, just today, I was thinking: I wish the grim reaper were real. Then, I would be able to really tell him off for taking so many of my loved ones away in such a short period of time, and I would find a way to make him go away. But he is not real. And I can't very well tell God to go away! I know that this is all part of His plan and His timing to take them when He does. And, as I wrote in my book, death was not part of God's original plan. He designed us for eternity. And when we messed His plans all up and brought sin and death into the picture, He reformulated the plan, to assure that eternity is still an option for us. And death hurts God just like it hurts us. He hates it, too.

So, I guess I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and just commit to remembering the good times I have had with each of my patients until we meet again, and do all that I can for those that are still with us, to assure that they will make that appointment as well.

April Fools

I couldn't let April fool's day go by without a short study on foolishness. 1 Corinthians chapter 1 has a lot to say about this:
"I know very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say, 'I will destroy human wisdom and discard their most brilliant ideas.' So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe.
"...God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to sham those who are powerful..."
(1 Cor 1:18 - 21, 27, NLT)

Today, I think of Jesus, the biggest fool of them all. He gave up perfection, oneness with God the Father, and all the splendor of heaven to take on the form of humanity. He was despised, ridiculed, tortured and crucified to redeem a fallen race. He took a risk that was simply foolish, and he conquered death to save you and me.

Today, I promise to be as foolish as I can: to turn the other cheek when others take advantage of me, to be forgiving, to look to the benefit of others instead of my own selfishness, to reach out in love to the unlovable, and to seek peace instead of revenge. Can you join me in this foolishness?

Praise

I don't want to leave anyone hanging after yesterday's entry.

I have heard it said that the quickest way out of the pit of despair is by using the ladder of praise. Well, through God's mercy and the support and prayer from many friends across the globe, I woke up this morning with a song in my heart and a sense of peace like I haven't felt in a long time, and I have been singing God's praises all day long.

Work went smoothly all day. My daughter is feeling better, and dad is holding his own, though he will still be on the ventillator for a few more days. We'll see what comes next when we get there. Until then, I know that God is in control and everything will work out as it is meant to be. So, no worries! PTL!

Storms

As I was driving home from work today, I couldn't help but notice how stormy it was outside. The clouds surrounding the valley where I live were thick and black, and nearly reached the ground, they were so heavy with moisture. It is cold, and windy. It even snowed off and on throughout the day today.

I found this particularly fitting, because my day had been stormy as well. Work was hard. I was needed in too many places at the same time all day long. My phone rang off the hook. I just couldn't pull it all together. Also, one of my patients is facing the end of her life, and I felt the need to be with her as much as I could throughout the day. Additionally, I have spent many hours in the urgency care clinic and the doctor's office this week with a sick child. On top of that, my daughter called us last night to tell us that she is getting married--in 2 months! Then, my brother called this morning to tell me that our dad was in the hospital and needed emergency surgery. (He pulled through but is still in critical condition).

Sometimes I wish that the world would stop spinning for a while, so I can catch my breath. All of this reminded me of the storm the disciples went through. They were out on the sea, when a terrible storm hit. It was so strong that they were all certain that they were going to die (and they had the experience to know when to be afraid). Jesus was with them on the boat. And he was sleeping. When the disciples woke him, in a panic, he addressed the storm and told it to "be still" and it obeyed. I am so glad that I serve a God who can calm even the fiercest storm in my life, too!

To be with Jesus

Well, I had to say goodbye to the sweetest lady I ever met yesterday, as she completed her journey on this earth. I will miss her more than words can say. But I am more than grateful for the time I was able to spend with her and to care for her, though I believe she did as much caring for me as I did for her. P.G. was a beautiful lady, inside and out. She raised four amazing children, which is a legacy to the life she lived. Even in her last few years, spent in a nursing home, she was able to work for the Lord, as she reached out to those less fortunate than herself and offered friendship and love to those that needed it. She spoke daily of her love of God, and shared His love freely. She was an inspiration to us all.

So, I am going to work this morning with a hole in my heart. But I praise God that the goodbye I had to say yesterday was really only, "see you later." Reunion day in heaven will be such an unspeakable joy, and it reminds us that our sadness is only temporary, and the reward is worth the wait.

An Easter Revelation

I am still reading "3:16 the Numbers of Hope" by Max Lucado. What I read this week just blew my mind, so I have to share.

"Mary, the mother of James, and Mary Magdalene have come to the tomb to place warm oils on a cold body and bid farewell to the one man who gave reason to their hopes.

"The women think they are alone. They aren't. they think their journey is unnoticed. They are wrong. God knows. And he has a surprise waiting for them.

" 'An angel of the Lord came down from heaven, went to the tomb, and rolled the stone away from the entrance' (Matt 28:2 NCV).

"Why did the angel move the stone? For whom did he roll away the rock?

"For Jesus? That's what I always thought. but think about it. Did the stone have to be removed in order for Jesus to exit? did God have to have help? Was the death conqueror so weak that he couldn't push away a rock?

"I don't think so. The text gives the impression that Jesus was already out when the stone was moved! For whom, then, was the stone moved?

"Listen to what the angel says: 'Come and see the place where his body was' (v. 6 NCV).

"The stone was moved--not for Jesus--but for the women; not so Jesus could come out, but so the women could see in!"

This was just such an amazing thought. The Lord was already risen. The tomb was empty. God had conquered sin and death. But no one knew. So, the angel had to move the stone, so that humans could be in on the action! It made me wonder what other stones he has needed to move, in my life, so that I could see what was really going on!

Inadequacy

Well, today, once again, I came face to face with my inadequacy as a Christian. I have a dear friend who is really facing some giants in her life right now. I tried my very best to help her through this difficult time. I felt that I would be able to do something for her. After all, I write books about how powerful my God is, that He can change lives. I just taught my class at church about Elijah on Mount Carmel, confronting 800 prophets of Baal, in a "My God is bigger than your god" battle, and I know that He is. I know that there is no problem that we can face that God can't handle. I know that there is no problem that we can face that God doesn't understand and care deeply about. I know that God can make the best come out of even the worst situation--He has done it for me.

But when I tried to help my dear Sister, I didn't have the words to say or the advice to give. I told her that God had a plan for her life. I said that she needed to trust God to show her what to do, that she needed to be patient, and allow him to work out the details. And I prayed with her (out loud, which I know most of you already know has been a hard skill for me to acquire). I said the best, most heart-felt prayer I could. And it was not enough.

Or at least it felt that way. I know that what I said is true. God will work out the details for the plan he has for her life. She can trust Him. But what if she is really just thinking, "That was nice of her to try to cheer me up," but she doesn't really believe it? I guess I expected some kind of miracle to happen right then. You know, tongues of fire, like the disciples experienced at Pentecost, or at least an overwhelming sense of peace, or something to indicate that God heard our prayers. How will she know that what I told her was the truth? What more could/should I have done? Or do I just sit back and say, "well, God, I did what I could. The rest is up to you?" (of course, it is!) It is just hard to try to help and not see any results. So, I guess I just keep praying and keep trying, right?

Jesus--The Stain Lifter

Last week, my coworker, Julie, decided to bless the staff on our unit with a hot waffle breakfast, to thank them for all that they do for our patients. I wanted to contribute, too, so I decided to make blueberry syrup to go with the waffles.

The next morning, I got up early and began to make the syrup. I washed the frozen berries that I had saved from last summer. They were so plump and juicy! I knew they would be perfect. I added sugar and cooked them up, making the most delicious, thick, sweet syrup ever! I quickly put the syrup in the container, making sure the lid was tight, and carried it out to my car. I couldn’t wait to share with everyone!

By the time I got to work, however, I found an enormous, sticky mess leaking out of the hatch of my car. The syrup had tipped over and somehow knocked the lid off the container, spilling about a gallon of thick, blue, sticky goo all over the inside of my car! I just couldn’t imagine how I would ever get the mess out. Blueberries make a great dye, so I was sure that my grey carpet would be purple forever.

I had to work all day. I thought about taking the car to the carwash next door to vacuum out the berries, but that still wouldn’t get the sticky syrup out of the carpet, and the stain would still be there. I would need a better plan.

When I got home, I got all of my cleaning supplies together and went to work. I scooped and scrubbed and dabbed and brushed, and then did it all again and again. It took me almost three hours, but with lots of detergent and elbow grease, I was able to get the carpet clean. (The rubber around my hatch still sticks, though I have cleaned it twice more).

This made me think. I have made a sticky, gooey mess of my life so many times. I have great big blueberry sin stains on my heart and soul, but Jesus has just the right “detergent” to get me really clean. The Bible says, “Though your sins are like scarlet (or blueberries?), they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18, NIV). And: “These are they that have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.” (Revelation 7:14, NIV).

I praise God that He is able to cleanse even the messiest sin from my life, leaving no stain behind! Jesus is the best stain-lifter ever!

Family blessings

My daughter has been in the military for several months now. I have worried a lot about her since she left. I have especially worried about her spiritual life. She is in a special program and must spend many hours a day studying. She also has interactions with people from all walks of life, and I have worried about how she might handle new situations and new ideas. I pray for her a lot, and I have to remind myself that God is watching over her now, and my time to influence her is largely over.

I am pleased to say that I now know that I don't have to worry. My daughter has always shown great interest in spiritual things and has always demonstrated great faith in God. This week, she faced a great challenge, and things worked out in an amazing way:

She has been attending worship services on base weekly and has been highly involved with her new "church". Then, a few weeks ago, she finally got the opportunity to attend a church out in the community. She was immediately impressed that she needed to be involved in the ministry in this church. She was asked to participate in the worship service this past weekend (though I don't know exactly what part she took).

After she accepted the offer, things began to happen. First of all, she lost her ID card. This meant that she could not eat in the mess hall, among other limitations. Also, someone got ahold of her bank Debit card, and drained her account, so she had no money to go off base for her meals. She also broke her wrist. She was tired and hungry. She "had a very bad week."

She couldn't help thinking that somehow these "challenges" had some connection with her feeling that she needed to participate somehow in ministry. She asked her chaplain about it, and she prayed. A lot. She knew God was trying to tell her something.

When it was time for her part in the church service this week, she was given a message by her chaplain, which she was to present to her church. But she decided to give a message of her own. Everyone in the congregation told her afterward what a blessing they had received. Then the chaplain approached her. Would he be upset that she chose her own material, instead of the message he prepared for her?

He also told her what a blessing she had been. He saw that she had a gift. He could see that she was meant to be there. He told her that her message was exactly what that church had needed, and that God must have given it to her. Then he offered her an amazing opportunity: to serve in the ministry as a lay leader! He will oversee all of the paperwork and schedule the hours that she needs, so that she can essentially be an assistant chaplain. And this comes at a time that the current position is coming open!

And as for her "challenges"? She was able to get her credit protection program to work with her bank and her money in her account was restored, and she found her ID card. "Now I can eat!"

What an amazing God!

What's in a name

In American culture, people are given names for many reasons. If we are named after our parents or grandparents, or other people that were significant in our parents’ lives, our names may have meaning, but more often than not, our names have little significance, except that our parents liked the sound of it. In Bible times, however, people were often given names to describe their character. For instance, Abram, whose name meant “Exhalted father” (though he had no children at the time), was given a new name, Abraham, meaning “Father of many” after God promised to make him the father of a great nation. His son was named “Isaac,” which means, “he laughs,” because, as Sarah (his mother) said, “God has brought me laughter! All who hear abou this will laugh with me.” Gen 21:6.

Isaac had two sons, Esau, “hairy,” and Jacob, “deceiver.” Can you imagine what it must have been like to be in school in that culture? “okay, class, take your seats. Hairy, please sit down. Deceiver, did you finish your homework? Trouble, please erase the chalkboard. Smiley, please hand out the assignments…” I guess my name isn’t so bad after all!

But Jacob didn’t have to keep such a name for long. After a night wrestling with the Lord, he was given a new name, “Israel,” or, “One who struggles with God.” How fitting that he goes on to head a nation that continued to struggle with God throughout history. And now, for those of us who consider ourselves to be part of spiritual Israel, (see Galatians 3:29), we continue to struggle with God in our daily lives.

It seems that throughout the scriptures, whenever someone encountered a life-changing experience with God, he would change their name. Perhaps this is why he promises in Revelation 2:17, “…And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it.” (NLT). I used to think that this meant that God knows something about my character that he wants everyone to know, so he changes my name. I would often wonder what it might be. That is a difficult question: what does God see in me that he would want to name me for? As I have pondered this question, a new idea crossed my mind.

I have read a lot about how bad it is to label our kids (or anyone else for that matter). Kids that grow up being told that they are “losers” or that they will “never amount to anything,” or that they are “stupid” or “fat” or “lazy” end up living up to the labels. They call this a self-fulfilling prophecy. If the kids hear it enough, they start believing it, and then they start acting like they believe they are actually the label. But, this also works the other way around. If we remind them how smart, or successful, or brave, or handsome, or beautiful, or thoughtful, etc, they begin to believe it, if they hear it enough.

So, now I wonder if God is choosing a name for me that will be more of a label of what He knows I can be. Coming from a fallen world, I worry that I won’t be fit for heaven. Maybe God will give me a name like “trusting,” knowing that I don’t have enough trust. Then, I may say to myself, “Wow. If God thinks I am trusting, maybe I am. Then I will start to act more trusting, because I think that God already sees me this way, and I won’t want to let him down. Then, I may actually find that I am trusting, as I exercise my new “trust” muscle.

As I thought about this more, I thought of ways that maybe I could use this new idea. Maybe I will start to call my children by more positive labels. When my daughter challenges me, I can say, “Wow. You are becoming such an independent woman.” When my patients or my coworkers bring me a complaint, I can say, “Thank you for helping me to fix this problem,” instead of shaking my head at their complaints. Maybe I can start looking specifically for people’s positive contributions and will see how caring, or thoughtful, or proactive they are, and treat them that way.

Maybe then God will have to think of a new name for me…..

The Brook Besor

Right now for my devotional time, I am reading, “Facing your Giants,” by Max Lucado. It is essentially a study of life-lessons from the story of King David. David is one of my favorite Bible heroes. His story gives me strength and courage, and an overwhelming sense of God’s love for me in spite of my failures.

Chapter 9 of Max’s book, entitled, “Plopping Points,” describes an encounter that I have somehow overlooked, in the dozen or more studies that I have done on the life of David.
As the story goes, David and his men had just returned from battle, only to find that their village had been destroyed, and their families had been taken captive by the enemy army. The men were devastated, worn out, and angry. They set off to rescue their families and recapture their belongings.

In their pursuit of the enemy band, David and his army came to a brook, called Besor. They rested a while, got some water, and then David gave the command to get back on the trail, but 200 of the soldiers decided to stay and rest. They could go no further. The army moved on and left them behind.

Max asks, “How tired does a person have to be to abandon the hunt for his own family?”

He goes on, “The church has its quorum of such folks. Good people. Godly people. Only hours or years ago they marched with deep resolve. But now fatigue consumes them. They’re exhausted. So beat-up and worn down that they can’t summon the strength to save their own flesh and blood. Old age has sucked their oxygen. Or maybe it was a deflating string of defeat. Divorce can leave you at the brook. Addiction can as well. Whatever the reason, the church has its share of people who just sit and rest.”

I remember the last time I was at Brook Besor. I can still taste the water. I was overwhelmed by Satan’s attacks on every area of my life. I couldn’t fight anymore. I was at the end of my rope, even considering throwing in the towel and ending my life. I remember yelling at God, “You promised me that you would never give me more than I can handle, but you did! I can’t take it! I can’t go on like this! If you want me to keep going, you are going to have to do something about it, because I can’t fight anymore!”

And do you know what happened? While I was waiting at the brook, too tired to fight, God did what David and his men did in this story: He fought the battle for me! Within weeks, things had changed. Through no effort of my own, some of the problems simply worked themselves out. Others became more manageable, and I was able to gain perspective on how to better handle each situation. Within months, I was back on my feet, and life was good once again.

Just as David and his army continued on their battle, rescuing their families and recapturing their belongings (and making sure that those resting at the brook got their share, even when the rest of the army wanted to exclude them), Jesus fights our battles, and wins the victory for us!

So, when you are battle-weary, come to the Brook Besor and rest a while. Let Jesus fight for you!