Lessons on Prayer

God has recently used an experience in my life to show me that it is time to grow again. Like most people, I would rather settle down into a quiet, mundane, non-eventful life than to go through what it takes to grow and learn. But, whenever things seem to calm down in my life, something always happens to shake things up. I don’t think God wants me to get comfortable with status quo, because He has so much to teach me, and I really have precious little time to learn.

My recent shake - up has been in the area of prayer. I am pretty faithful with the amount of time I spend in prayer, and like everything else in my life, I have a certain formula that I tend to use when I pray. I always start with thanking God for this and that, and then I ask for God’s help with whatever needs I have or see for someone else. As a type-A personality, I am generally task-focused, and that is true about my prayer life as well.

I had been praying for a very good friend of mine, who was expecting her second child. She was having a difficult pregnancy and was struggling with depression. She needed the kind of peace that only God could give. I asked God to bless her in a special way, to make her aware of His presence in her life and to show her that she mattered to Him. Mid-way through the pregnancy, she found out that her baby had a deformity. It was devastating. I prayed now not only for her own strength and healing, but for her baby. She wanted the baby to be well, but she was preparing for what it would take to raise a baby with special needs. And she was trying hard to trust God to make everything okay.

I know I prayed more earnestly and diligently for her than I have ever prayed in my life. I asked for God’s healing, for a demonstration of His power and of His love. But, God said, “No,” to my prayers. At seven months, my friend went into early labor, and she lost the baby. How do you make sense out of something like that? I was so confused. I felt betrayed. I guess I felt like most spoiled children do when Daddy says, “No.” I started asking, “Why?” “Why did you let this happen?” “Why didn’t you DO something?” Finally, I asked what was truly underneath it all: “Why do you ask us to pray, when we really have no control over the outcome, anyway?” (Notice the word control…I always get upset when I realize that I am not the one in control!)

Now, I know that God doesn’t mind when we ask Him questions. In fact, He encourages it, as long as we are asking out of an honest desire to understand Him. However, I don’t think He likes to answer our questions until we take the first step, which is to exercise our faith and trust Him. We need to believe that He knows what He is doing, even if we don’t understand. After we trust Him and follow Him in faith, He will lead us to understand. This has led me to search for answers, though I wasn’t really sure I was ready for them. I started reading books on prayer, studying scriptures, and yes, praying about prayer. And, slowly, God is opening my eyes, and my ears.

Here is what he is showing me so far:

Prayer is not one more thing for me to check off on my “to do” list. It is a time for me to be present with God. I mean really present. I tell myself that I am aware of God being with me all the time, and I often talk to him throughout the day, thanking Him for the great things that happen, seeking advice with my choices, etc. But what about the times when I am really not paying attention to Him? What about when I am at work, and my boss gives me the 300th project that must be completed before I can leave for the day. Do I really know that God is with me at that time? Or, when I am driving home, and I am stopped in traffic, and every light turns red, and I am frustrated, and I don’t think I’ll ever get home. Do I know God is there? And when I am praying, am I really in the presence of the Awesome God of the Universe? Am I really there? Phillip Yancey says, in his book, “Prayer: Does it Make a Difference?”: “Prayer that is based on relationship and not transaction may be the most freedom-enhancing way of connecting to a God whose vantage point we can never achieve and can hardly imagine.” (Page 55).

I guess I was missing something all along. Prayer is so much more than a quick comment or question thrown up to God, as I go about the rest of my day. It is more than communication. It is my connection to the Creator of the Universe. And, in spite of His power, His position, and His wisdom, He actually wants me to talk to Him, He wants to teach me things, and he wants me to know Him, intimately. The question I should be asking isn’t “Where is God in all of this,” but “Am I open to being in the presence of God, actively listening and seeking His will, seeking to know Him better?”