True Faith

This week at my small group Bible study, one of the members commented on how amazed she was at how I have maintained my faith, with the very difficult trial that I have endured in my life over the past year and a half (and is still ongoing).  I could not accept her compliment, as my faith is wavering more than ever.

Not that I don't believe in God.  I am not even questioning that He is sovereign over my situation, as that is truly what has sustained me in the most difficult times.  But I have been questioning what God is up to.  Why has He let it go on for so long?  What lesson am I supposed to be learning?  What am I supposed to be doing with this situation?  (Oh, how I wish I could do something, rather than just trust) Why isn't He giving me more direction?  The questions go on and on.

Now, I just happened to start reading "The Attributes of God" by A.W. Tozer this week.  What a blessing!  My lesson for this week:

"God is above all things, beneath all things, outside of all things and inside of all things.  God is above, but He's not pushed up.  He's beneath, but He's not pressed down.  He's outside, but He's not excluded.  He's inside, but He's not confined.  God is above all things presiding, beneath all things sustaining, outside of all things embracing and inside of all things filling.  That is the immanence of God." p. 22.

Wow!

Then he mirrors what I keep thinking:  "You know, it's awfully hard to get a Christian scared.  It's hard to get him panicked if he really believes in God.  If he's just a church member, you can get him panicked.  But if he really believes in God it's very difficult to do it."

This is the kind of faith I want to have.  My head knows that God is all in all.  There is nothing He can't handle.  He has it covered.  But getting that message to my heart is the difficulty.

So my prayer, for today is, "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!"

 

Praying for Toilet Paper

Many years ago, when I was still in college, with two babies in diapers, I was about as poor as one can be in America, short of being homeless. I had been paying tithe on my meager income for about two years by then. I really felt that I needed the money more than God possibly could, but I chose to give it anyway.

I remember one afternoon sitting on the floor in my small apartment, holding a single dollar bill in my hand, and crying. You see, it would be days before my next check would arrive, and I was completely out of shampoo and toilet paper. I would have to choose which one we needed most, and wait on the other. What was I to do?

I had barely finished praying, when God sent an angel in the form of a dear friend. She came to see me, and she had with her the largest package of toilet paper I had ever seen! (She had been shopping at a new place called “Costco” and had picked up an extra, since it was on sale!). I had never imagined that a blessing could come in the form of toilet paper.

Now, I wouldn't want to lead you to believe that God met my physical and financial needs because I returned tithe. If that were the case, I could say that I earned this blessing because of my faithfulness. It doesn't work that way. Rather, God longs to pour out blessings on each of us in every way possible. When we decide to stop holding back and to offer Him the time (Sabbath) and resources (tithes and offerings) that He asks of us, we receive an even bigger blessing than just having our needs met. We ultimately develop a deep and trusting relationship with God.

God did not need the few dollars that I returned to Him when I was poor. What He really wanted was my heart. When I made the decision to trust Him, even when it didn’t make sense, He was able to show me who he really is, and that was the true blessing!

Re-gifting

Now that the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season is coming to an end, it is time to turn our attention to thoughts of the New Year. But before we do that, I would like to recount one more Christmas story.

I did not grow up in a Christian home, so our traditions were completely secular. One such tradition involved a toy troll. Now, we all know that re-gifting is somewhat tacky, and it is very important to make sure you remember who you received a particular gift from, before you give it away to someone else, in case you might inadvertently give that unwanted gift back to the person who gave it to you. And believe me, they will remember!

I am not sure where the tradition started, but by the time I came along, it had been going on for many years. At some point, someone in the family had given someone else a gift of a small, very ugly troll doll. It had large eyes, and wild hair that stuck out all over. It had really large feet and pointy ears, and its skin was all wrinkly. It had a nose like a pig, and a big round belly. It wore a t-shirt that didn't reach its belly, and tattered shorts. It was so very, very ugly!

The first recipient of that doll must not have seen the same beauty in it that the giver obviously admired, because the following year, it was passed on to a new owner. And the next year, and the next, and so on. It was kind of like the game of Old Maid. No one wanted to be gifted with that troll! You had to really pay attention to who opened the gift with the troll doll in it that year, because next year, you did not want to get a gift from that person, or you would be the next owner of the troll. It got to be kind of interesting as time went on. Sometimes the troll would end up in someone's stocking. Sometime in came by parcel post. But somehow, by the end of the year, the troll would find itself re-gifted to a new home.

Well, this year, I would like you to join me in a re-gifting challenge: What if we took what we were really given for Christmas, and re-gift it throughout the coming year? Have you been given the gift of grace? Try re-gifting it to someone who could use a little grace himself. Have you been forgiven? Offer forgiveness freely to those who don't deserve to be forgiven. Have you been loved? Re-gift that love to someone a little less lovable. Jesus said, “...I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10). Lets resolve together this new year to share out of our abundance, and re-gift our blessings daily.

Learning the hard way

This mornings readings were right where my heart is:

"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..." 2 Corinthians 4: 8, 9.

For more than a year now, my family has been in crisis.  I can't give the details now, but it has been more difficult than anything I have ever been through.  As with most things, there are certainly things that I am learning through this struggle, though I wish it were not true that the best lessons in life are learned the hard way.

As some of you know, I am pretty much a control freak.  When I have a problem, I want to jump in and just fix it.  No complaining, no whining, and certainly no asking for help.  Not from anyone; not even from God.  But this current situation is not about me.  It involves someone I love dearly, but it was not a problem that I created, nor is it anything I can fix.  I just have to sit by and watch.  And pray.  And pray, and pray, and pray.

For a year now, that is all I have been able to do.  Of course, I am freely handing out advice (for a situation that I have never experienced and truly have no business advising).  I tell God in my prayers what He should do to resolve the situation.  But nothing changes.  I am still hopeful that very soon now it will all come to a close, and things will get better.  But there are no guarantees.

Learning patience is a real struggle.  I hate waiting.  I hate that God doesn't always say "Yes" to our requests, even when they are tear-soaked and relentless.  I hate that I don't know what God's plan is in all of this.  I hate not knowing if I am supposed to be doing, thinking, or saying something, and I can't figure it out, or if this has nothing to do with me at all.  Maybe it is taking so long because someone else has to learn or do or say or think something.  Maybe someone's salvation is at stake.  Maybe all fo this struggle is to prevent something worse later on.  Maybe we are all just caught in "friendly fire" between God and the enemy.  I have no answers.

All I know, all I have to  hang on to, is that God is sovereign.  Nothing happens on earth that could take God by surprise.  If He is allowing it, then I know it will all be okay soon.  But how soon is soon, when with the Lord a day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years is as a day?

So this is me, hanging on, hoping, praying, and waiting, not so patiently.... 

A Hope and a Future

In my personal daily devotions, I am reading through a chronological Bible.  I would highly recommend this to anyone who hasn't done so already.  This has been such an exciting adventure for me, as i am developing a clearer picture of how each story, each writer, each event fits together.  I have always believed that the Bible was much more cohesive than we tend to believe, but I see it even more clearly now.  I have a much clearer understanding of what was going on in Israel's history, for example, while each of the prophets were writing, as their works are inserted within the history given in Kings and Chronicles.

As I was studying the time period that Judah was in exile in Babylon and Jerusalem and the temple had been destroyed and abandoned, I came across a familiar text:  " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.' " Jeremiah 29:11. 

This has always been an inspiring message for me, personally.  Now that I have read it in context, it means even more.  I understand more about where the people were when they received this message, and I knew what the prophet was up against when he professed it.

The people of Judah had defied God openly with their idol worship.  They had rejected His many attempts to bring them back into relationship with and true worship of Himself, and they repeatedly and continuously sought their own way, only pretending to follow Him, if even that.  While they wanted to have His protection from their enemies, and they certainly wanted His blessings in the form of good crops and other forms of wealth, they did not want to surrender their hearts to Him.

So, God finallly sent them away.  He allowed another, more powerful nation to overtake them, to destroy the temple their capitol city, and the surrounding territory, and to take the people into captivity in a faraway land.

Then, He sent prophets to explain to them and to remind them why they were being disciplined.  It was in this context that God reminds His people of His love for them.  his plans were still for their prosperity.  he still desired to bless them.  He was going to bring them back to a relationship with Himself and provide for their future.

What a God!  When I am living my life for myself, with my own agenda, pretending to follow God, but really worshipping myself and my "idols", God still ahs a plan for my life that includes a future with Him!  I may need to spend a period with my heart in captivity, until I remember to turn back to Him, but His heart is always for me.

Romans 15:4 says, "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope."

I praise God daily for the hope that He provides, afresh every day.
 

Good Enough

I was talking with friends this week about how some people, Christian or otherwise, seem to have this idea that all we need to do to get into heaven is to be "good enough".  Somehow, we tend to think that if our good behaviors outweigh the bad on some cosmic scale, that we will be able to make it on our own merit.  As good as that may sound, it just isn't biblical.  If that were true, Jesus would never have had to die. 

It is natural for us to want to maintain control over every aspect of our lives, and salvation seems to be included in our endeavors.  It is so much easier to have a list of do's and don'ts to check off, than to accept the fact that "all our righteous acts aer like filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6).  The pharisees, in Jesus' day, were an example of salvation by "works".  They had rules for everything, including more than 600 on how to keep the Sabbath holy.  They were not even allowed to spit on the ground, because that would create dirt, and would therefore be working on the Sabbath.

While I am not advocating giving up on trying to do good, I am saying that it is much more important that we maintain a relationship with Jesus than focus on following the rules.  The Bible says to "believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved."  Believe.  Not do, not don't, no list of requirements.  Just believe.

Jesus, himself, while teaching about the coming judgement and salvation, said, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  Many will say to me on that day, "lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?'  Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you.  Away from me you evil doers!"

Now, you can argue that the miracles and prophesying were not from God, but my point here is that even sincere Christians can fall into the trap of working so hard "for the Lord" that we have no time for a relationship with him.  He wants us to "know" him.  Spend time with Him.  Pray, study, talk to him, LISTEN to him.

The apostle Paul, who had an amazing spiritual resume, brings this point home:  "  ⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

We need, above all things, to know Christ.  Then, and only then, can our works count, because only then will our behavior match our thoughts, and those must be in tune with his.

It is not what we do, but Who we know.  What a difference it makes to live a life seeking to know and be known by God, to build a relationship with Him, rather than spinning our wheels trying to be good enough.

Idols

In my daily devotions, I am reading through the books of Kings and Chronicles.  I am always amazed when I read this history part of the Bible that the people turned so easily to idol worship.  I know this was written in a different time and place, so it is easy for me to initially think that this has nothing to do with me.  I don't know anyone that worships idols made of wood or stone.  I really can't relate.  But I need to stop a minute and think about that.


In American culture, idol worship isn't easy to spot.  I know in other cultures there are obvious statues and shrines, evidence of the worship of a pantheon of gods, but not so in America.  Here, the prevailing thought seems to be that educated people don't worship any god.  We've evolved beyond that.  But to what?  Where is our heart?  Where are our thoughts?  My first thought is that in place of the worship of God, we turn to materialism.  We use all of our time and talent to amass more and more stuff.  Bigger, better, and more.  So much stuff that we need to rent storage facilities to house it all.  That is what we live for.  Now, maybe we don't worship the big screen LED tv, but we spend our time and energy on it.   I could see this as idol worship in a broad sense.

Then I thought a little further.  Maybe our idol worship is even more than that.  There is a line in a song by Michael Card that says, "we have made You in our image, so our faith's idolatry."  That's heavy.   We want to worship God, but not the powerful God of the Bible that spoke the world into existence and gave us the Ten Commandments.  That God holds us accountable.  That God has rules and standards.  We want a God that is more like, well, Barney.  Happy all the time.  Easy going.  No committments.  No rules.  He is just there to make sure we are happy and healthy and have everything we want and need.  A god that serves us!  Wait a minute!!! That, then, makes us God!

So, when I read the struggles of the people in the time of the Kings and Chronicles, I can see that they are not just turning from worshipping the true God, they are turning to the current culture.  They don't want to be different, to stand out and worship a different God.  They just want  to be like everybody else.  When I put it that way, it sounds a little too familiar.   Something to think about.