This week at my small group Bible study, one of the members commented on how amazed she was at how I have maintained my faith, with the very difficult trial that I have endured in my life over the past year and a half (and is still ongoing). I could not accept her compliment, as my faith is wavering more than ever.
Not that I don't believe in God. I am not even questioning that He is sovereign over my situation, as that is truly what has sustained me in the most difficult times. But I have been questioning what God is up to. Why has He let it go on for so long? What lesson am I supposed to be learning? What am I supposed to be doing with this situation? (Oh, how I wish I could do something, rather than just trust) Why isn't He giving me more direction? The questions go on and on.
Now, I just happened to start reading "The Attributes of God" by A.W. Tozer this week. What a blessing! My lesson for this week:
"God is above all things, beneath all things, outside of all things and inside of all things. God is above, but He's not pushed up. He's beneath, but He's not pressed down. He's outside, but He's not excluded. He's inside, but He's not confined. God is above all things presiding, beneath all things sustaining, outside of all things embracing and inside of all things filling. That is the immanence of God." p. 22.
Wow!
Then he mirrors what I keep thinking: "You know, it's awfully hard to get a Christian scared. It's hard to get him panicked if he really believes in God. If he's just a church member, you can get him panicked. But if he really believes in God it's very difficult to do it."
This is the kind of faith I want to have. My head knows that God is all in all. There is nothing He can't handle. He has it covered. But getting that message to my heart is the difficulty.
So my prayer, for today is, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"
Not that I don't believe in God. I am not even questioning that He is sovereign over my situation, as that is truly what has sustained me in the most difficult times. But I have been questioning what God is up to. Why has He let it go on for so long? What lesson am I supposed to be learning? What am I supposed to be doing with this situation? (Oh, how I wish I could do something, rather than just trust) Why isn't He giving me more direction? The questions go on and on.
Now, I just happened to start reading "The Attributes of God" by A.W. Tozer this week. What a blessing! My lesson for this week:
"God is above all things, beneath all things, outside of all things and inside of all things. God is above, but He's not pushed up. He's beneath, but He's not pressed down. He's outside, but He's not excluded. He's inside, but He's not confined. God is above all things presiding, beneath all things sustaining, outside of all things embracing and inside of all things filling. That is the immanence of God." p. 22.
Wow!
Then he mirrors what I keep thinking: "You know, it's awfully hard to get a Christian scared. It's hard to get him panicked if he really believes in God. If he's just a church member, you can get him panicked. But if he really believes in God it's very difficult to do it."
This is the kind of faith I want to have. My head knows that God is all in all. There is nothing He can't handle. He has it covered. But getting that message to my heart is the difficulty.
So my prayer, for today is, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"
