Well, I really blew it! You know how when you ask God to help you with something, He always comes through, in one way or another? Well, I always forget that when you ask God to teach you something, that it involves PAIN! You have to go through tough situations to grow. Well, this one, for most people, wouldn't be such a painful thing, but for me....
I have already mentioned some of my struggles with prayer. I do pray. All the time. But I have had a lot of questions lately. And I have never been able to pray out loud, except with the kids in my church, who are just as nervous about it as I am. But, I have asked God to help me to grow in the area of prayer. I meant to ask for his help understanding prayer, not actually doing it. But this week, I was asked to lead out in prayer, in front of my church! Yikes! I can't back out, because I know that God will just make me do it anyway, maybe not this week, but sometime, and maybe under less favorable conditions.
To top it off, I think He has even bigger plans for me, because I have also been invited to speak in front of another church. Not the sermon, mind you, but as a featured guest, to discuss my life, and my book (and the one I am about to publish in a month or two). It is a great opportunity, but I am really not ready. OR at least I don't feel ready. But then, when would I ever be ready, if I never got started? So, here I go...jumping in with both feet! Good thing God knows what he's doing, since I don't! :)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Prayer
I am still reading the book, "Prayer, Does it Make any Difference" by Phillip Yancey. It is really opening my eyes to a lot of ideas. So many of my questions, he answers directly, as he, apparently, has stumbled over the same things that are hindering me in my prayer life. In yesterday's section on unworthiness, I came across this passage:
"As if in direct rebuttal, the Bible gives a detailed record of God listening to prayers from decidedly unworthy people: from short-fused Moses to puerile Samson to the rough sailors who threw Jonah overboard, let alone the sulky prophet himself. God responded to King David's prayers of repentance after the sins of murder and adultery, as well as the desperation prayer of wicked King Manasseh. Jesus commended the prayer of an unworthy tax collector above that of an upright Pharisee.
"A sense of unworthiness hardly disqualifies me from prayer; rather, it serves as a necessary starting point. Apart from feeling unworthy, why call on God in the first place? Unworthiness establishes the ground rules, setting the proper alignment between broken human beings and a perfect God. I now consider it a motivation for prayer, not a hindrance." page 185.
Wow! I never thought of it that way. It is exactly because I am unworthy to ask anything of God that he wants to listen to me and lend me a hand. It goes back to that whole trust thing that I struggle with so much. But I am learning. Slowly but surely.
And I am sharing this with my daughter, too. We have been working on prayer together in the mornings, as I take her to school. We take turns praying for each other and for whatever else is on our minds. This week, she had a presentation to make in one of her classes, and she was very nervous. She has panic attacks, and she was afraid that she would get one during her presentation. She has a new teacher and doesn't know most of the other students yet, so we prayed that God would help her through it. She said, "I wish I could use an overhead, like we did last year. It is easier to do in the dark."
After school, I asked her how it went. "It was amazing! The power went out in our classroom right before my presentation, so I actually did do it in the dark!" The outage was random and affected various areas around the school, but there was no reason for what happened. How is that for an answered prayer!
"As if in direct rebuttal, the Bible gives a detailed record of God listening to prayers from decidedly unworthy people: from short-fused Moses to puerile Samson to the rough sailors who threw Jonah overboard, let alone the sulky prophet himself. God responded to King David's prayers of repentance after the sins of murder and adultery, as well as the desperation prayer of wicked King Manasseh. Jesus commended the prayer of an unworthy tax collector above that of an upright Pharisee.
"A sense of unworthiness hardly disqualifies me from prayer; rather, it serves as a necessary starting point. Apart from feeling unworthy, why call on God in the first place? Unworthiness establishes the ground rules, setting the proper alignment between broken human beings and a perfect God. I now consider it a motivation for prayer, not a hindrance." page 185.
Wow! I never thought of it that way. It is exactly because I am unworthy to ask anything of God that he wants to listen to me and lend me a hand. It goes back to that whole trust thing that I struggle with so much. But I am learning. Slowly but surely.
And I am sharing this with my daughter, too. We have been working on prayer together in the mornings, as I take her to school. We take turns praying for each other and for whatever else is on our minds. This week, she had a presentation to make in one of her classes, and she was very nervous. She has panic attacks, and she was afraid that she would get one during her presentation. She has a new teacher and doesn't know most of the other students yet, so we prayed that God would help her through it. She said, "I wish I could use an overhead, like we did last year. It is easier to do in the dark."
After school, I asked her how it went. "It was amazing! The power went out in our classroom right before my presentation, so I actually did do it in the dark!" The outage was random and affected various areas around the school, but there was no reason for what happened. How is that for an answered prayer!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Answered Prayer
Even though it shouldn't, God's way of answering my prayers never ceases to amaze me! The two patients that I prayed about and fretted over had amazing things happen yesterday!
As soon as I got to work, the one patient that was on the morphine was up in her wheelchair, wanting to eat breakfast in the dining room! She was pain-free all day! Our staff and her family were all equally amazed at her significant improvement in just one day!
And the other patient? She continued to get weaker and more confused. Her daughter sent me faxes and called me, trying to figure out what was going on with her. The amazing thing is that the lab had drawn what was supposed to be a blood count, to check for bleeding and infection. What they ran, however, was a metabolic panel, which showed a major imbalance. That explained everything! So, I am certain that this "lab screw-up" was actually God saying, "Duh, you guys. Look at this!"
Again, I learned that all of my fretting and whining was for nothing. God was telling me all along that I just needed to trust him! Maybe someday I will learn?
As soon as I got to work, the one patient that was on the morphine was up in her wheelchair, wanting to eat breakfast in the dining room! She was pain-free all day! Our staff and her family were all equally amazed at her significant improvement in just one day!
And the other patient? She continued to get weaker and more confused. Her daughter sent me faxes and called me, trying to figure out what was going on with her. The amazing thing is that the lab had drawn what was supposed to be a blood count, to check for bleeding and infection. What they ran, however, was a metabolic panel, which showed a major imbalance. That explained everything! So, I am certain that this "lab screw-up" was actually God saying, "Duh, you guys. Look at this!"
Again, I learned that all of my fretting and whining was for nothing. God was telling me all along that I just needed to trust him! Maybe someday I will learn?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A Tough Day
Yesterday was one of those days! I have two patients that are not doing well. They both have very involved families, who are attacking problems from the exact opposite sides. One patient is failing at rehab, is losing weight, not eating, and is rapidly declining. The family is doing everything possible to help make their loved-one well, grasping at every possible option, questioning every medication, requesting every possible test, and trying everything in a desperate attempt to bring their family member back to what she once was. It was very difficult yesterday, when I had to discuss tube feedings with this family. There were lots of tears, lots of questions, and at least 6 different phone calls to address the issues the patient is having.
On the other end, I have a patient with heart failure. She went to the hospital last week, and they were unable to do anything more for her. They referred her to hospice, which means that they have determined that she probably has less than 6 months to live. She is a wonderful lady, who is always smiling and always has a joke or a high-five to share with someone else. We all adore her. She is really in no distress, but she is consistently has dizziness and chest pain that we cannot control. Her family is holding a bedside vigil and requesting morphine at least every hour, to "help" their mom. Now, I am not one to withold pain medication, but in my experience, the amount and type of morphine that we are being asked to give is what we would normally give someone with only days to live, when he/she is no longer eating, drinking, or able to get out of bed. This patient is not at this point, so it is difficult for me and my staff to follow through on their requests. At one point, the patient's respirations were very shallow and less than the 12 breaths per minute, at which point we are not legally allowed to give morphine, as it slows breathing. I attempted to explain this to the family, and offered other comfort measures. The family was not pleased, and several interactions did not go well.
By the end of the day, I was praying: "God, make this stop! I hate this. It is too hard for me!" To which God replied, "Of course it is too hard for you, but this is not about you! You are not in this alone. I am with you. Remember: 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength?" (Phillipians 4:13). So, I changed my tune. "God, please give me the strength I need to help these people, and the energy to endure all these phone calls and conferences....And I still hate it! Maybe you can send someone else." Again, God replied, "But I am sending you. This is so hard, because you care. If you didn't have a heart and compassion for these people, it would not be hard. But I don't want them to be taken care of by someone who has no heart. I want you to do it. I am with you."
So, off I go again. I am still praying that God will give me strength, endurance, and plenty of compassion. I am thankful that I have an amazing team of nurses and CNA's that are giving loving, compassionate care to both of these patients and their families, and I know that God will take care of it all in his time, and in his way. So, I am trusting him today, instead of trying to do it myself.
On the other end, I have a patient with heart failure. She went to the hospital last week, and they were unable to do anything more for her. They referred her to hospice, which means that they have determined that she probably has less than 6 months to live. She is a wonderful lady, who is always smiling and always has a joke or a high-five to share with someone else. We all adore her. She is really in no distress, but she is consistently has dizziness and chest pain that we cannot control. Her family is holding a bedside vigil and requesting morphine at least every hour, to "help" their mom. Now, I am not one to withold pain medication, but in my experience, the amount and type of morphine that we are being asked to give is what we would normally give someone with only days to live, when he/she is no longer eating, drinking, or able to get out of bed. This patient is not at this point, so it is difficult for me and my staff to follow through on their requests. At one point, the patient's respirations were very shallow and less than the 12 breaths per minute, at which point we are not legally allowed to give morphine, as it slows breathing. I attempted to explain this to the family, and offered other comfort measures. The family was not pleased, and several interactions did not go well.
By the end of the day, I was praying: "God, make this stop! I hate this. It is too hard for me!" To which God replied, "Of course it is too hard for you, but this is not about you! You are not in this alone. I am with you. Remember: 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength?" (Phillipians 4:13). So, I changed my tune. "God, please give me the strength I need to help these people, and the energy to endure all these phone calls and conferences....And I still hate it! Maybe you can send someone else." Again, God replied, "But I am sending you. This is so hard, because you care. If you didn't have a heart and compassion for these people, it would not be hard. But I don't want them to be taken care of by someone who has no heart. I want you to do it. I am with you."
So, off I go again. I am still praying that God will give me strength, endurance, and plenty of compassion. I am thankful that I have an amazing team of nurses and CNA's that are giving loving, compassionate care to both of these patients and their families, and I know that God will take care of it all in his time, and in his way. So, I am trusting him today, instead of trying to do it myself.
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