Boy, has December been a busy month! First of all, my computer has crashed 3 times this month. It is halfway working now, though some buttons and links still are not functional on most web sites for me. I tried to write this blog this morning, but it showed up in Hindi script, and I wasn't able to disable the translation tool, so I am trying again.
We had our annual state survey two weeks ago. I usually don't worry too much about the survey; it is a necessary process, and I always do the best I can at my job, so whether or not someone is checking makes no difference to me. This year was different.
We have a quality assurance nurse assigned to our building by the state, and our Quan, as we call her, doesn't like me. She comes every month, looks through our charts, and always finds some assessment or care plan or other item that she points out (in front of my boss and all of the other managers that I work with) all of the errors that she finds. It is really embarrassing, especially when the errors usually weren't mine, even though she tells everyone else that they are. Then, I usually cry. I finally stopped letting her get to me about a year ago.
Then it happened: The office called down to my unit to notify me that our survey was here, as it is always a surprise visit. I stepped out in the hall to find HER! The Quan nurse was to be MY surveyor. She trumped another state nurse for the position to survey my hall. I felt sick.
I quickly did rounds with the nurse, and when she went off to the office to start working on the first part of her report, I went into the med room to throw up. But, instead, I stopped, took a deep breath, and started to pray. I know that God gave me the words and the thoughts for the prayer, because I didn't pray for what I normally would have. What came out of my mouth was, "Dear Lord, give us both mental clarity, to see what we need to see." I asked God to help her see that the patients were well-cared-for and happy. I asked Him to help me see their findings and answer their questions openly, without any bias or preconceived ideas about what they might "really" mean. And it worked!
By the end of the survey, they found only one item to site in our survey, and it was basically a documentation issue--and they found nothing on my unit! I take that back; the Quan nurse found several things that she asked me to fix, and they didn't ever make it into her report!
A miracle, indeed!
(P.S. the celebration was short-lived, as I contracted a very nasty stomach virus a few days later, and missed almost a week of work. Now I am working overtime to catch up--no time to celebrate. That is why I have been so lax on my blogging of late) Will do better soon!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Divine Intervention?
I am still reading “Prayer: Does it Make Any Difference” by Philip Yancey. Every day I find something that makes me think in a different way. This passage really hit me:
“I used to spend a lot of energy asking God questions. Why must poverty persist in a rich country like the U.S.A.? Why does one continent, Africa, absorb like a sponge so many of the world’s disasters? When will “peace on earth” ever arrive? Ultimately, I came to see these questions as God’s interrogations of us. Jesus made clear God’s will for the planet—what part am I playing to help fulfill that will?”
You know, I ask these questions, too. Somehow, I expect one of two things when I pray. I either expect God to answer my questions or fix my problems with divine intervention (hopefully in a swift, direct response), or I expect God to show me how to fix my own problem (I like to do it all on my own, anyway). But it never ceases to amaze me how big God really is. I continually need to be reminded that every one of us is interconnected with God and with each other. God uses each of us in an intricate web to help bring about his will in each situation.
One of my favorite books is “The Count of Monte Cristo”. It is a classic, written long before my time, yet it is still intriguing. If you are not familiar with the story, it is about a man who is wrongly imprisoned (he was set up by a friend), and he manages to escape and work out a complex plan to bring down everyone involved in his imprisonment. Most of the story shows him weaving his web of vengeance, and finally, everything falls into place, and it all comes toppling down like a row of dominoes.
In a way, I see God working like that, only with a passion for love and redemption for all of us, instead of vengeance. He sets things in motion that we cannot see or understand. He has a plan to save us way before we even know we are lost. And we each play a role in His master plan to bring about the changes in the lives of others.
I cannot wait until I can see from the other side of this mortal life and can examine the Master plan and can see clearly where I have helped in others’ lives and they have helped in mine. Is God’s method of using human agents to work out His will any less divine than direct intervention? I think not.
“I used to spend a lot of energy asking God questions. Why must poverty persist in a rich country like the U.S.A.? Why does one continent, Africa, absorb like a sponge so many of the world’s disasters? When will “peace on earth” ever arrive? Ultimately, I came to see these questions as God’s interrogations of us. Jesus made clear God’s will for the planet—what part am I playing to help fulfill that will?”
You know, I ask these questions, too. Somehow, I expect one of two things when I pray. I either expect God to answer my questions or fix my problems with divine intervention (hopefully in a swift, direct response), or I expect God to show me how to fix my own problem (I like to do it all on my own, anyway). But it never ceases to amaze me how big God really is. I continually need to be reminded that every one of us is interconnected with God and with each other. God uses each of us in an intricate web to help bring about his will in each situation.
One of my favorite books is “The Count of Monte Cristo”. It is a classic, written long before my time, yet it is still intriguing. If you are not familiar with the story, it is about a man who is wrongly imprisoned (he was set up by a friend), and he manages to escape and work out a complex plan to bring down everyone involved in his imprisonment. Most of the story shows him weaving his web of vengeance, and finally, everything falls into place, and it all comes toppling down like a row of dominoes.
In a way, I see God working like that, only with a passion for love and redemption for all of us, instead of vengeance. He sets things in motion that we cannot see or understand. He has a plan to save us way before we even know we are lost. And we each play a role in His master plan to bring about the changes in the lives of others.
I cannot wait until I can see from the other side of this mortal life and can examine the Master plan and can see clearly where I have helped in others’ lives and they have helped in mine. Is God’s method of using human agents to work out His will any less divine than direct intervention? I think not.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Watering Seeds
Something truly amazing happened to me this week: a dear friend of mine accepted Christ and was baptized on Sunday! While I can't take credit for leading her to Christ (that is the Holy Spirit's job), I was able to be a part of the process. A few of us have been praying for this dear sister for years. We offered her support, I shared my book with her, I brought her a Bible and explained how it is organized and how to find the information she needs within it, and another friend took her to some meetings at her church. And she met God and was changed.
I am so humbled and honored each time God allows me a small part in His plans. He could easily change each one of us without any human interference, but instead, He chooses to let us be his "body" on earth and to do His work down here. Us. With all of our flaws and insecurities and ineptness. He gives us encouragement and guidance, and then lets us have a part in making miracles happen in each other's lives. What an amazing gift! I am truly blessed. I love God more and more every day, and I can't wait to meet him face to face!
I am so humbled and honored each time God allows me a small part in His plans. He could easily change each one of us without any human interference, but instead, He chooses to let us be his "body" on earth and to do His work down here. Us. With all of our flaws and insecurities and ineptness. He gives us encouragement and guidance, and then lets us have a part in making miracles happen in each other's lives. What an amazing gift! I am truly blessed. I love God more and more every day, and I can't wait to meet him face to face!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
A Miracle
I can't describe it as anything but a miracle. I am used to writing whole chapters, not pages, so I will try to keep it short without missing the important points:
If you have been reading this blog, you know my struggles with prayer, "Why, How, Does it help?" etc. You also know that I have a very hard time praying out loud, with other people around (which is one more reason to do it). Well, my coworker, Julie, recently suggested that we pray together in the mornings. Now, I already pray every morning, once with my daughter, and once on my own, but I need the practice praying with others, and it certainly doesn't hurt anything, so I agreed.
Also, I have been praying specifically (on my own) for God to change my way of coping with things. I am a type-A personality. I worry and fret about everything. I am a perfectionist. I cannot delegate anything on my to-do list, because it may not get done the way I want it done. (Or, it may not get done at all, or it may cause some disaster that I will have to fix later). I am driven to be the best at everything I do. And it is all overwhelming! Sometimes I am so pressured and overloaded that I break down in tears. I have been praying for deliverance from this for so long.
Now for the miracle:
This Monday was "one of those days." Everything went wrong. It had been a terrible weekend, and I am the manager. So my to-do list included a lot of investigation and damage control.
I have a patient with a very difficult family, that luckily lives several states away. Howeve, they came to town over the weekend, and of course, the patient had an event that was mishandled while they were there. Oh, how I wished it had been some other patient! I didn't want to deal with this family.
I also had a total of 6 incidents (falls, minor skin issues) that needed investigation (the investigation often takes up to 2 hours each to complete all the paperwork). Six is my all time record, by the way. Also, we somehow sent a dementia patient to the doctor, when she actually did not have an appointment. And no one went with her. The family was mad, the doctor's office was mad (and called me 5 times to make sure I knew it). And several personal items were reported missing from various rooms over the weekend. Additionally, the doctor made rounds, there were orders to take off, and it was the day I normally do wound assessments, which takes about 2 hours.
Luckily (providencially?) I had help. Julie started the day with prayer; the social worker also joined us. Julie handled many of the tasks, even taking on one of the incident investigations and handling all of the doctor orders. One by one, the problems all got handled. (Even the ones I didn't take care of myself...hmmm). My patient returned safely (everyone was upset, but she was safe, and that is what mattered most). All of the work got done. Most everyone was pleased by the end of the day, even the difficult family. Best of all? I never cried. I knew that God was with me, that I could trust him to handle it all, to give me the skills, the words, the help, and the time to pull it all together. And I felt at peace with it all for the first time ever!
This may not have involved burning bushes, flying angels, or other supernatural events, but for God to change a heart like mine, to free me from worry and anxiety on a day like this, let there be no mistake, was nothing short of a miracle!
If you have been reading this blog, you know my struggles with prayer, "Why, How, Does it help?" etc. You also know that I have a very hard time praying out loud, with other people around (which is one more reason to do it). Well, my coworker, Julie, recently suggested that we pray together in the mornings. Now, I already pray every morning, once with my daughter, and once on my own, but I need the practice praying with others, and it certainly doesn't hurt anything, so I agreed.
Also, I have been praying specifically (on my own) for God to change my way of coping with things. I am a type-A personality. I worry and fret about everything. I am a perfectionist. I cannot delegate anything on my to-do list, because it may not get done the way I want it done. (Or, it may not get done at all, or it may cause some disaster that I will have to fix later). I am driven to be the best at everything I do. And it is all overwhelming! Sometimes I am so pressured and overloaded that I break down in tears. I have been praying for deliverance from this for so long.
Now for the miracle:
This Monday was "one of those days." Everything went wrong. It had been a terrible weekend, and I am the manager. So my to-do list included a lot of investigation and damage control.
I have a patient with a very difficult family, that luckily lives several states away. Howeve, they came to town over the weekend, and of course, the patient had an event that was mishandled while they were there. Oh, how I wished it had been some other patient! I didn't want to deal with this family.
I also had a total of 6 incidents (falls, minor skin issues) that needed investigation (the investigation often takes up to 2 hours each to complete all the paperwork). Six is my all time record, by the way. Also, we somehow sent a dementia patient to the doctor, when she actually did not have an appointment. And no one went with her. The family was mad, the doctor's office was mad (and called me 5 times to make sure I knew it). And several personal items were reported missing from various rooms over the weekend. Additionally, the doctor made rounds, there were orders to take off, and it was the day I normally do wound assessments, which takes about 2 hours.
Luckily (providencially?) I had help. Julie started the day with prayer; the social worker also joined us. Julie handled many of the tasks, even taking on one of the incident investigations and handling all of the doctor orders. One by one, the problems all got handled. (Even the ones I didn't take care of myself...hmmm). My patient returned safely (everyone was upset, but she was safe, and that is what mattered most). All of the work got done. Most everyone was pleased by the end of the day, even the difficult family. Best of all? I never cried. I knew that God was with me, that I could trust him to handle it all, to give me the skills, the words, the help, and the time to pull it all together. And I felt at peace with it all for the first time ever!
This may not have involved burning bushes, flying angels, or other supernatural events, but for God to change a heart like mine, to free me from worry and anxiety on a day like this, let there be no mistake, was nothing short of a miracle!
Friday, November 2, 2007
How Big is God?
Do you ever have those moments when something you have known forever suddenly hits you in a completely different way? I have recently had just such an experience.
It started when I went on vacation. My husband and I flew across the country to visit our kids. We were taking turns as to which of us got the window seat. On one of my turns, we were flying through the clouds. Some of the time, the clouds were light and were spread out enough that we got occasional glimpses of the landscape below. At one point, however, the clouds became so dense that they completely obscured the wing of our plane, just feet from our window. The though hit me, "How does God see us through the clouds?"
I was struck by how awesome God is that He can look out from wherever His throne happens to be in the heavens, across the galaxy, through the atmosphere, through the shell of the plane, to see me sitting in my seat!
Then I started imagining how God could not only see me seated on that plane, but, simultaneously, He could see someone else in Africa or China, around the curve of the earth! In my finite mind, I always consider that by being made in God's image, that somehow God should be confined by the same boundaries that limit my human existance. It amazes me that God can have an existance, as a Being, with a shape and form, and yet He can not only be right with me wherevere I am, but He can actually live inside me, and millions of other people as well, all at the same time.
I have always known this about God, since I first became a Christan, but somehow the concept took on a fresh, new meaning that day. Then, a few days later, I was in my car, singing my little heart out to a CD of praise music, and suddenly I had this thought that God was listening to me. Again, I always knew that He hears everything we say, but in that exact moment, I was more keenly aware than ever before that he was actually listening to me.
I started thinking that if it were anyone else, I would immediately stop, as I am not exactly musically talented, but I felt strongly that God loves my praises to Him, no matter what key I'm in (or not in). That led to the thought that even if I were to keep silent, God would still hear me. If I think any thought, or feel any feeling, God knows all about it.
It amazes me to know that God can see me no matter where I am, inside or outside, and that He can understand me, whether I express my thoughts to Him or keep silent.
"Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes..." (Heb 4:13, NLT). The best news is that even though He is bigger than anything we can understand or explain, and He knows our innermost thoughts, He loves us and desires a personal, intimate relationship with us!
It started when I went on vacation. My husband and I flew across the country to visit our kids. We were taking turns as to which of us got the window seat. On one of my turns, we were flying through the clouds. Some of the time, the clouds were light and were spread out enough that we got occasional glimpses of the landscape below. At one point, however, the clouds became so dense that they completely obscured the wing of our plane, just feet from our window. The though hit me, "How does God see us through the clouds?"
I was struck by how awesome God is that He can look out from wherever His throne happens to be in the heavens, across the galaxy, through the atmosphere, through the shell of the plane, to see me sitting in my seat!
Then I started imagining how God could not only see me seated on that plane, but, simultaneously, He could see someone else in Africa or China, around the curve of the earth! In my finite mind, I always consider that by being made in God's image, that somehow God should be confined by the same boundaries that limit my human existance. It amazes me that God can have an existance, as a Being, with a shape and form, and yet He can not only be right with me wherevere I am, but He can actually live inside me, and millions of other people as well, all at the same time.
I have always known this about God, since I first became a Christan, but somehow the concept took on a fresh, new meaning that day. Then, a few days later, I was in my car, singing my little heart out to a CD of praise music, and suddenly I had this thought that God was listening to me. Again, I always knew that He hears everything we say, but in that exact moment, I was more keenly aware than ever before that he was actually listening to me.
I started thinking that if it were anyone else, I would immediately stop, as I am not exactly musically talented, but I felt strongly that God loves my praises to Him, no matter what key I'm in (or not in). That led to the thought that even if I were to keep silent, God would still hear me. If I think any thought, or feel any feeling, God knows all about it.
It amazes me to know that God can see me no matter where I am, inside or outside, and that He can understand me, whether I express my thoughts to Him or keep silent.
"Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes..." (Heb 4:13, NLT). The best news is that even though He is bigger than anything we can understand or explain, and He knows our innermost thoughts, He loves us and desires a personal, intimate relationship with us!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I am still reading, "Prayer...Does it Make a Difference" by Phillip Yancey. Today's reading really had me spinning. The chapter is "Unanswered Prayer: Living with the Mystery." I guess I keep reading, expecting to somehow find the answers to all of my questions about prayer, and I have many! This quote really put things into perspective:
"C.S. Lewis observes: The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of finite and foolish creatures, of couse He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable "success" in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic."
If only the chapter ended there! I can certainly accept that God is sovereign and has the best interest of all of His children in mind when He chooses how to answer each prayer. Of this I have never had any doubt. I have only wondered, "If God already knows what's best, why ask?"
Mr. Yancey goes on, however, to quote several promises in the Bible about prayer:
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatevr you ask for in prayer."
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven."
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
"You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it."
Then he goes on: "These represent just a sampling of the New Testament's sweeping claims made in plain language. Some preachers seize on these passages as a kind of club, flogging the church for not taking them literally and faulting believers for having too little faith. But how to account for the unanswered prayers of Jesus and Paul? And how can we reconcile the lavish promises with the actual experience of so many sincere Christians who struggle with unansweed prayer?"
He answers this question with several possibilities. 1. These promises were specific to the disciples, not to all Christians. 2. Each of these have a qualifier, "whatever you ask in my name." "If you remain in me and my words remain in you." Maybe we are not alligned with God when we make our petitions. 3. We don't wait long enough for the answers. Many requests will have to wait until all things are completed. 4. God works through people. "To pray, 'God, please help my neighbor cope with her financial problems, ' or 'God, do something about the homeless downtown' is the approach of a theist, not a Christian. god has chosen to express love and grace in the world through those of us who embody Christ. Sometimes, instead of asking, we should be doing, and thereby become answers to our own prayers.
Finally, he concludes that sometimes we don't get the answer we are looking for, becuase we don't persist in asking. "John Calvin said, 'We must repeat the same supplication not twice or three times onnly, but as often as we have need, a hundred and a thousand times... We must never be weary in waiting for God's help."
For me, that would be just about impossible. I would find that kind of petitioning to be insulting to God. When my kids beg me, "Please, Mommy, Please!" a million times, I get angry. I expect them to accept my first answer. Why would God want me to keep asking? I know that there are many examples in scripture of such pleading, and often, it works out for the person petitioning. But what about the Israelites, who begged for a King? Look what they got! God gave in to their persistent pleas, giving them what they asked for, not what was best for them. I am afraid for God to give me whatever I ask for. I need what He knows to be best, not what I think is best, from my limited view of my life and circumstances.
"C.S. Lewis observes: The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of finite and foolish creatures, of couse He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable "success" in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic."
If only the chapter ended there! I can certainly accept that God is sovereign and has the best interest of all of His children in mind when He chooses how to answer each prayer. Of this I have never had any doubt. I have only wondered, "If God already knows what's best, why ask?"
Mr. Yancey goes on, however, to quote several promises in the Bible about prayer:
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatevr you ask for in prayer."
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven."
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
"You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it."
Then he goes on: "These represent just a sampling of the New Testament's sweeping claims made in plain language. Some preachers seize on these passages as a kind of club, flogging the church for not taking them literally and faulting believers for having too little faith. But how to account for the unanswered prayers of Jesus and Paul? And how can we reconcile the lavish promises with the actual experience of so many sincere Christians who struggle with unansweed prayer?"
He answers this question with several possibilities. 1. These promises were specific to the disciples, not to all Christians. 2. Each of these have a qualifier, "whatever you ask in my name." "If you remain in me and my words remain in you." Maybe we are not alligned with God when we make our petitions. 3. We don't wait long enough for the answers. Many requests will have to wait until all things are completed. 4. God works through people. "To pray, 'God, please help my neighbor cope with her financial problems, ' or 'God, do something about the homeless downtown' is the approach of a theist, not a Christian. god has chosen to express love and grace in the world through those of us who embody Christ. Sometimes, instead of asking, we should be doing, and thereby become answers to our own prayers.
Finally, he concludes that sometimes we don't get the answer we are looking for, becuase we don't persist in asking. "John Calvin said, 'We must repeat the same supplication not twice or three times onnly, but as often as we have need, a hundred and a thousand times... We must never be weary in waiting for God's help."
For me, that would be just about impossible. I would find that kind of petitioning to be insulting to God. When my kids beg me, "Please, Mommy, Please!" a million times, I get angry. I expect them to accept my first answer. Why would God want me to keep asking? I know that there are many examples in scripture of such pleading, and often, it works out for the person petitioning. But what about the Israelites, who begged for a King? Look what they got! God gave in to their persistent pleas, giving them what they asked for, not what was best for them. I am afraid for God to give me whatever I ask for. I need what He knows to be best, not what I think is best, from my limited view of my life and circumstances.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Temporary Housing
Well, we made it back safely from South Carolina. We went to visit our two oldest children, who are in the military. Unfortunately, we were only able to catch up with one of them. The other one is stuck in temporary housing, waiting for orders, due to a medical issue, which has yet to be signed off by the commanding officer. She is not able to move forward in her training, and she is finished with boot camp. She is basically stuck in Limbo until the paperwork is all cleared up.
I was able to make the most of an otherwise wonderful vacation. The weather was perfect, and it was great spending time with our son. But it was hard not being able to see our daughter, when we were certain that she would be there with us.
This kind of parallels the rest of my life, from a spiritual standpoint. I am "on assignment," so to speak, here on earth. I have a task to perform, to "love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself." I am to go into all the world, telling others what Jesus has done for me, so that they may be blessed as I am. But this world is not my home. This life is not my ultimate goal. There is a wonderful, beautifu life ahead of me, where I will live in the physical presence of my Lord. I do not know when I will get my orders to move on. I do not know where or what my next assignment will be. I, too, live in "temporary housing" in this world. And all I can do is look to my Commander and follow my assignments to the best of my ability, with His guidance and direction all the way, until I get there. But I can be certain that one day, when I see Him coming in the clouds to take me home, that it will be the most amazing homecoming the universe has ever seen!
I was able to make the most of an otherwise wonderful vacation. The weather was perfect, and it was great spending time with our son. But it was hard not being able to see our daughter, when we were certain that she would be there with us.
This kind of parallels the rest of my life, from a spiritual standpoint. I am "on assignment," so to speak, here on earth. I have a task to perform, to "love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself." I am to go into all the world, telling others what Jesus has done for me, so that they may be blessed as I am. But this world is not my home. This life is not my ultimate goal. There is a wonderful, beautifu life ahead of me, where I will live in the physical presence of my Lord. I do not know when I will get my orders to move on. I do not know where or what my next assignment will be. I, too, live in "temporary housing" in this world. And all I can do is look to my Commander and follow my assignments to the best of my ability, with His guidance and direction all the way, until I get there. But I can be certain that one day, when I see Him coming in the clouds to take me home, that it will be the most amazing homecoming the universe has ever seen!
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