Well, it is finally Friday, and I am exhausted! It was a long week to begin with, as I had to work 8 days straight before I got one day off, then back to work for another 3. Whew! On top of that, it has been a very emotionally challenging week. We lost 3 patients this week, all of whom were with us for two years or more. That brings us to a total of 7 in the past 6 weeks. Prior to that, we were stable for months and months. And I also lost my cat, of 14 years.
For those of you that know me well, you know that I don't deal all that well with death and dying. So, that makes me rethink my career choice every time I lose one of these dear souls. Why would I ever choose to work in a profession where I have to get close to people and then say good-bye to them? Why do I choose a job, where all too often one of my job duties is to place a call, "I am sorry to tell you that your (mother/father) is passing/has just passed away..." I really hate those calls.
They used to tell nurses, "Don't get too attached to your patients." But how do you "care" for your patients, if you don't "care" for them? Caring is what we do, and we can't help but become attached to someone we care about.
I guess it all comes back to taking the good with the bad. I no longer have a mother or any grandparents, so I love having all of these older folks to share with. They amass such wisdom, and it is great to be a part of their lives. The stories that the "greatest generation" have to tell just amazes me. I love being a part of their lives. They are such a blessing to me. I am a caregiver, but I must tell you, the care goes both ways!
So, when I lose one of my extended "family" members, it leaves an empty space in my heart, just as if I had lost someone in my genetic family. And it is very painful. I do rely on my faith to give me strength in these times, but the pain is still there.
And, just today, I was thinking: I wish the grim reaper were real. Then, I would be able to really tell him off for taking so many of my loved ones away in such a short period of time, and I would find a way to make him go away. But he is not real. And I can't very well tell God to go away! I know that this is all part of His plan and His timing to take them when He does. And, as I wrote in my book, death was not part of God's original plan. He designed us for eternity. And when we messed His plans all up and brought sin and death into the picture, He reformulated the plan, to assure that eternity is still an option for us. And death hurts God just like it hurts us. He hates it, too.
So, I guess I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and just commit to remembering the good times I have had with each of my patients until we meet again, and do all that I can for those that are still with us, to assure that they will make that appointment as well.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
April Fools
I couldn't let April fool's day go by without a short study on foolishness. 1 Corinthians chapter 1 has a lot to say about this:
"I know very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say, 'I will destroy human wisdom and discard their most brilliant ideas.' So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe.
"...God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to sham those who are powerful..."
(1 Cor 1:18 - 21, 27, NLT)
Today, I think of Jesus, the biggest fool of them all. He gave up perfection, oneness with God the Father, and all the splendor of heaven to take on the form of humanity. He was despised, ridiculed, tortured and crucified to redeem a fallen race. He took a risk that was simply foolish, and he conquered death to save you and me.
Today, I promise to be as foolish as I can: to turn the other cheek when others take advantage of me, to be forgiving, to look to the benefit of others instead of my own selfishness, to reach out in love to the unlovable, and to seek peace instead of revenge. Can you join me in this foolishness?
"I know very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say, 'I will destroy human wisdom and discard their most brilliant ideas.' So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe.
"...God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to sham those who are powerful..."
(1 Cor 1:18 - 21, 27, NLT)
Today, I think of Jesus, the biggest fool of them all. He gave up perfection, oneness with God the Father, and all the splendor of heaven to take on the form of humanity. He was despised, ridiculed, tortured and crucified to redeem a fallen race. He took a risk that was simply foolish, and he conquered death to save you and me.
Today, I promise to be as foolish as I can: to turn the other cheek when others take advantage of me, to be forgiving, to look to the benefit of others instead of my own selfishness, to reach out in love to the unlovable, and to seek peace instead of revenge. Can you join me in this foolishness?
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Praise
I don't want to leave anyone hanging after yesterday's entry.
I have heard it said that the quickest way out of the pit of despair is by using the ladder of praise. Well, through God's mercy and the support and prayer from many friends across the globe, I woke up this morning with a song in my heart and a sense of peace like I haven't felt in a long time, and I have been singing God's praises all day long.
Work went smoothly all day. My daughter is feeling better, and dad is holding his own, though he will still be on the ventillator for a few more days. We'll see what comes next when we get there. Until then, I know that God is in control and everything will work out as it is meant to be. So, no worries! PTL!
I have heard it said that the quickest way out of the pit of despair is by using the ladder of praise. Well, through God's mercy and the support and prayer from many friends across the globe, I woke up this morning with a song in my heart and a sense of peace like I haven't felt in a long time, and I have been singing God's praises all day long.
Work went smoothly all day. My daughter is feeling better, and dad is holding his own, though he will still be on the ventillator for a few more days. We'll see what comes next when we get there. Until then, I know that God is in control and everything will work out as it is meant to be. So, no worries! PTL!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Storms
As I was driving home from work today, I couldn't help but notice how stormy it was outside. The clouds surrounding the valley where I live were thick and black, and nearly reached the ground, they were so heavy with moisture. It is cold, and windy. It even snowed off and on throughout the day today.
I found this particularly fitting, because my day had been stormy as well. Work was hard. I was needed in too many places at the same time all day long. My phone rang off the hook. I just couldn't pull it all together. Also, one of my patients is facing the end of her life, and I felt the need to be with her as much as I could throughout the day. Additionally, I have spent many hours in the urgency care clinic and the doctor's office this week with a sick child. On top of that, my daughter called us last night to tell us that she is getting married--in 2 months! Then, my brother called this morning to tell me that our dad was in the hospital and needed emergency surgery. (He pulled through but is still in critical condition).
Sometimes I wish that the world would stop spinning for a while, so I can catch my breath. All of this reminded me of the storm the disciples went through. They were out on the sea, when a terrible storm hit. It was so strong that they were all certain that they were going to die (and they had the experience to know when to be afraid). Jesus was with them on the boat. And he was sleeping. When the disciples woke him, in a panic, he addressed the storm and told it to "be still" and it obeyed. I am so glad that I serve a God who can calm even the fiercest storm in my life, too!
I found this particularly fitting, because my day had been stormy as well. Work was hard. I was needed in too many places at the same time all day long. My phone rang off the hook. I just couldn't pull it all together. Also, one of my patients is facing the end of her life, and I felt the need to be with her as much as I could throughout the day. Additionally, I have spent many hours in the urgency care clinic and the doctor's office this week with a sick child. On top of that, my daughter called us last night to tell us that she is getting married--in 2 months! Then, my brother called this morning to tell me that our dad was in the hospital and needed emergency surgery. (He pulled through but is still in critical condition).
Sometimes I wish that the world would stop spinning for a while, so I can catch my breath. All of this reminded me of the storm the disciples went through. They were out on the sea, when a terrible storm hit. It was so strong that they were all certain that they were going to die (and they had the experience to know when to be afraid). Jesus was with them on the boat. And he was sleeping. When the disciples woke him, in a panic, he addressed the storm and told it to "be still" and it obeyed. I am so glad that I serve a God who can calm even the fiercest storm in my life, too!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
To be with Jesus
Well, I had to say goodbye to the sweetest lady I ever met yesterday, as she completed her journey on this earth. I will miss her more than words can say. But I am more than grateful for the time I was able to spend with her and to care for her, though I believe she did as much caring for me as I did for her. P.G. was a beautiful lady, inside and out. She raised four amazing children, which is a legacy to the life she lived. Even in her last few years, spent in a nursing home, she was able to work for the Lord, as she reached out to those less fortunate than herself and offered friendship and love to those that needed it. She spoke daily of her love of God, and shared His love freely. She was an inspiration to us all.
So, I am going to work this morning with a hole in my heart. But I praise God that the goodbye I had to say yesterday was really only, "see you later." Reunion day in heaven will be such an unspeakable joy, and it reminds us that our sadness is only temporary, and the reward is worth the wait.
So, I am going to work this morning with a hole in my heart. But I praise God that the goodbye I had to say yesterday was really only, "see you later." Reunion day in heaven will be such an unspeakable joy, and it reminds us that our sadness is only temporary, and the reward is worth the wait.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
An Easter Revelation
I am still reading "3:16 the Numbers of Hope" by Max Lucado. What I read this week just blew my mind, so I have to share.
"Mary, the mother of James, and Mary Magdalene have come to the tomb to place warm oils on a cold body and bid farewell to the one man who gave reason to their hopes.
"The women think they are alone. They aren't. they think their journey is unnoticed. They are wrong. God knows. And he has a surprise waiting for them.
" 'An angel of the Lord came down from heaven, went to the tomb, and rolled the stone away from the entrance' (Matt 28:2 NCV).
"Why did the angel move the stone? For whom did he roll away the rock?
"For Jesus? That's what I always thought. but think about it. Did the stone have to be removed in order for Jesus to exit? did God have to have help? Was the death conqueror so weak that he couldn't push away a rock?
"I don't think so. The text gives the impression that Jesus was already out when the stone was moved! For whom, then, was the stone moved?
"Listen to what the angel says: 'Come and see the place where his body was' (v. 6 NCV).
"The stone was moved--not for Jesus--but for the women; not so Jesus could come out, but so the women could see in!"
This was just such an amazing thought. The Lord was already risen. The tomb was empty. God had conquered sin and death. But no one knew. So, the angel had to move the stone, so that humans could be in on the action! It made me wonder what other stones he has needed to move, in my life, so that I could see what was really going on!
"Mary, the mother of James, and Mary Magdalene have come to the tomb to place warm oils on a cold body and bid farewell to the one man who gave reason to their hopes.
"The women think they are alone. They aren't. they think their journey is unnoticed. They are wrong. God knows. And he has a surprise waiting for them.
" 'An angel of the Lord came down from heaven, went to the tomb, and rolled the stone away from the entrance' (Matt 28:2 NCV).
"Why did the angel move the stone? For whom did he roll away the rock?
"For Jesus? That's what I always thought. but think about it. Did the stone have to be removed in order for Jesus to exit? did God have to have help? Was the death conqueror so weak that he couldn't push away a rock?
"I don't think so. The text gives the impression that Jesus was already out when the stone was moved! For whom, then, was the stone moved?
"Listen to what the angel says: 'Come and see the place where his body was' (v. 6 NCV).
"The stone was moved--not for Jesus--but for the women; not so Jesus could come out, but so the women could see in!"
This was just such an amazing thought. The Lord was already risen. The tomb was empty. God had conquered sin and death. But no one knew. So, the angel had to move the stone, so that humans could be in on the action! It made me wonder what other stones he has needed to move, in my life, so that I could see what was really going on!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Inadequacy
Well, today, once again, I came face to face with my inadequacy as a Christian. I have a dear friend who is really facing some giants in her life right now. I tried my very best to help her through this difficult time. I felt that I would be able to do something for her. After all, I write books about how powerful my God is, that He can change lives. I just taught my class at church about Elijah on Mount Carmel, confronting 800 prophets of Baal, in a "My God is bigger than your god" battle, and I know that He is. I know that there is no problem that we can face that God can't handle. I know that there is no problem that we can face that God doesn't understand and care deeply about. I know that God can make the best come out of even the worst situation--He has done it for me.
But when I tried to help my dear Sister, I didn't have the words to say or the advice to give. I told her that God had a plan for her life. I said that she needed to trust God to show her what to do, that she needed to be patient, and allow him to work out the details. And I prayed with her (out loud, which I know most of you already know has been a hard skill for me to acquire). I said the best, most heart-felt prayer I could. And it was not enough.
Or at least it felt that way. I know that what I said is true. God will work out the details for the plan he has for her life. She can trust Him. But what if she is really just thinking, "That was nice of her to try to cheer me up," but she doesn't really believe it? I guess I expected some kind of miracle to happen right then. You know, tongues of fire, like the disciples experienced at Pentecost, or at least an overwhelming sense of peace, or something to indicate that God heard our prayers. How will she know that what I told her was the truth? What more could/should I have done? Or do I just sit back and say, "well, God, I did what I could. The rest is up to you?" (of course, it is!) It is just hard to try to help and not see any results. So, I guess I just keep praying and keep trying, right?
But when I tried to help my dear Sister, I didn't have the words to say or the advice to give. I told her that God had a plan for her life. I said that she needed to trust God to show her what to do, that she needed to be patient, and allow him to work out the details. And I prayed with her (out loud, which I know most of you already know has been a hard skill for me to acquire). I said the best, most heart-felt prayer I could. And it was not enough.
Or at least it felt that way. I know that what I said is true. God will work out the details for the plan he has for her life. She can trust Him. But what if she is really just thinking, "That was nice of her to try to cheer me up," but she doesn't really believe it? I guess I expected some kind of miracle to happen right then. You know, tongues of fire, like the disciples experienced at Pentecost, or at least an overwhelming sense of peace, or something to indicate that God heard our prayers. How will she know that what I told her was the truth? What more could/should I have done? Or do I just sit back and say, "well, God, I did what I could. The rest is up to you?" (of course, it is!) It is just hard to try to help and not see any results. So, I guess I just keep praying and keep trying, right?
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