Joyful Living

The greatest sacrifice

2012-01-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

My verse for today: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." Hebrews 12:2 - 4, NIV.

This verse speaks volumes to me. First of all, in my daily struggles, I find myself often feeling sorry for myself. I ask God why he puts me through the struggles that he allows in my life. Doesn't he understand what I am going through? Well, obviously, he does. As the verse says, we haven't had to go through anything close to what he went through as far as suffering goes.

Whatever we may be facing, Jesus tells us, "I have been there." Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend? Jesus was betrayed to his death by one of his own disciples. With a kiss! Were you abandoned? Jesus' disciples not only fell asleep when he was praying his last, desparate prayer, but when the mob came to arrest him, they all fled. One even blatantly denied even knowing him. Have you been rejected by your family? Jesus' family accused him of being possessed by demons. Have you lost your home or your possessions? Jesus had not even a place to lay his head.

Are you worried or stressed out? Jesus was so distraught that he sweat blood. Falsely accused of something? Jesus was challenged by the leaders in the synagogue on numerous occasions, and finally he spent hours being bounced around in Kangaroo court. Have you been separated from your loved ones? Jesus was away from his real home, heaven, for more than 30 years. Have you felt depressed? Jesus said, "My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death." (Matthew 26:38) Have you suffered from abuse? Jesus was tortured and then crucified.

So, how did Jesus do it? What kept him going? I don't see that he had a huge fan base cheering him on, and neither do we. What was it that helped him win the battle? As the verse says, "for the joy set before him." He knew what awaited him. He knew that Heaven would be worth whatever risk he took. And it wasn't just heaven. He already had that before. It was eternity WITH US!

Now, whenever I feel that life is unfair, or that the challenges are too hard, I think of Jesus talking to me: "When you decided to follow me, you gave me your life. Well, I gave you mine, too. It wasn't easy for me either."

New Year

2011-12-31T20:17:00.000-08:00

So, I finished the through-the-Bible-in-a-year reading plan that I resolved to follow last January. What an amazing experience! I learned a lot, and I have grown in ways I did not anticipate. This week's lessons were from Revelation:

Regarding the fall of "Babylon" in Revelation 18, I read: "Therefore, the sorrows of death and mourning and famine will overtake her in a single day. She will be utterly consumed by fire, for the Lord God who judges her is mighty. And the rulers of the world who took part in her immoral acts and enjoyed her great luxury will mourn for her as they see the smoke rising from her charred remains. They will stand at a distance, terrified by her great torment. They will cry out, 'How terrible, how terrible for Babylon, that great city! In one single moment God's judgment came on her." vs 8 - 10. It goes on to say, "All the fancy things you loved so much are gone," they cry. "The luxuries and splendor that you prized so much will never be yours again. They are gone forever." vs 14. Then: "But you, O heaven, rejoice over her fate. And you also rejoice, O holy people of God and apostles and prophets! For at last God has judged her on your behalf." vs. 20.

I know that "Babylon" is a specific power and this event comes at a specific time, but for me, I think it could have a broader meaning. There are things in each of our lives that are like Babylon. Things, places, people, ideas that take the place of God in our lives. There is a time coming, I believe, when God will shake the proverbial rug out from under us, where our comfort will no longer be there, and we will not be able to rely on the things we currently use to feel secure.

This makes me wonder, how will I feel when the things of this world change rapidly? Will I be like Lot's wife, when, leaving Sodom, she looked back and turned to a pillar of salt? Is my faith in the God I know and love, who will protect me, or is it in myself, my belongings, or my sense of control over my environment?

The next chapters in Revelation go on to describe God's daring resue of our out-of-control planet at the end of time. This is a scene of awe and beauty. Of our Knight-in-Shining-Armor coming to rescue us, where we live happily ever after in a celestial city of gold, with God himself living right there with us, where we will finally be able to see him for ourselves. I long to be part of this amazing event.

My New Year's resolution this year will be to focus on the things that really matter: connecting with people on a more personal level and nurturing important relationships, focusing on the things that can't be taken away. Less focus on me, less stress about controlling the things that I really can't control anyway. A more simple faith, based on God, not on me. I will seek Him more, listen more, talk less.. Hmmm....

God still answers prayer

2011-07-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

What an amazing God we serve! My daughter called me yesterday and told me that she was having bladder problems. She told me she was having to go almost every hour and thought something was wrong. I asked her how her blood sugars have been, since she is diabetic, and urinary frequency is a common symptom of high blood sugars. She proceeded to tell me that she has had no insurance for the past three months and that her prescription for insulin had run out. Not only that, but at $ 130 a month, she couldn't afford her insulin anyway.

Of course, this news threw me into a tailspin. I reminded her of the risks of not treating her diabetes: she probably would not die, but instead would have a stroke or permanently damage her kidneys, or go blind, or lose her legs, or perhaps any or all of these in any combination. I offered to buy her some insulin if that was what she needed. She reminded me that she did not have a current prescription, and it was a weekend, so there was nothing she could do.

I hung up and started thinking: who did I know that could write her a prescription? No one. What could I do to help her? Nothing. I found the number for a new free clinic in our area that might be able to help her, but it would not be today, or maybe not at all. What a helpless feeling. So, out of desperation, not my first response, though it should be, I prayed. Hard.

She called me back, responding to my offer of buying her some insulin, if she could get it ordered. She said, "Mom, you will never believe what happened!" Then she told me of how God intervened:

She went to the pharmacy and asked them if someone could call her doctor. She explained that she didn't have insurance and could not afford her insulin. She asked if they had a generic that maybe she could afford, and if they could put in a call to her doctor to ask if they could fill a one-time order until she could be seen at the free clinic.

The pharmacist (or whomever she spoke with) told her that they had just the thing. She did not need a prescription, and it would be only $ 25, which she just happened to have. She took it. When she left the store and opened the package, she saw that it was her actual prescribed insulin!

I could think of a few ways this all transpired, but the bottom line is that it was a blessing from God!

Mountain top experiences

2011-03-07T06:03:00.000-08:00

This week in my devotional studies, I have made it through Numbers and into Deuteronomy. I am amazed at how God can use a scheduled reading program to speak to where my heart is at a particular time. You see, after a dark, wet winter, it is nearing hiking season again. I love to hike more than anything. But, I am not getting any younger, and my knees are pretty much shot. I can go uphill forever, but coming back down is another story. As I was wondering if I had another summer of hiking left in me, I began to wonder what it is about hiking in the mountains that is so special. Somehow, I really feel closer to God up on a mountain than anywhere else. When I think about having to take it down a notch, and stick to the valleys and lowlands, my heart kind of sinks a little.

Wouldn't you know God has an answer for that? As I was reading about Moses and the Israelites over the past few weeks, something popped out at me: so many important interactions between God and his people happened on mountain tops. Moses received the 10 commandments and spoke face to face with God on Mt. Sinai. He got to see the promised land and was burried on Mt. Nebo. Aaron was also burried on a mountain top. I also thought about other important mountain top experiences: Elijah and the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel, Abraham offering Isaac on Mt. Moriah, where later my Jesus gave his life for me in the greatest event ever to occur in the universe.

No wonder I feel such a connection with God on a mountain! Now I only hope I have a few more mountain top adventures left in me before I have to trade in my hiking boots for a pair of sensible shoes!

Birthdays

2011-02-22T18:32:00.000-08:00

So, last week I had a birthday. I had a great plan. I scheduled the day off work. I was going to sleep in, do some shopping, a few projects around the house, and meet my husband for a birthday dinner.

As would be my luck, the state survey team showed up at my work place two days before my birthday for their annual inspection...and this year the process was to take not one, but two weeks! This meant all vacations cancelled, and 12 hour work days all week x 2. Yikes!

I immediately began to feel sorry for myself. I decided to buck up and just deal with it, and so I did. God blessed me that day more than I could have imagined:

One of my patients called me into his room after lunch. He said, "Terri! Come here! I need you to take me to the dining room. I have an announcement to make." I said I would be glad to take him and asked him what it was about. He said, "you'll know soon enough." On the way to the dining room, he mentioned that he didn't get any pie for lunch, when everyone else had pie. I wondered if he were going to lodge a formal complaint about the pie. I really had no idea what I was in for.

When we got to the dining room, I noticed that one of the surveyors was just outside the door to the dining room. I was really worried now. Whatever he was going to say, she was sure to hear it.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement to make," he yelled out. Several patients were still enjoying their lunch and looked up. "Our beloved leader has a birthday today, and I wanted to make sure she knows how much we all appreciate her." A gentleman at the first table started to sing, "Happy Birthday...," but this patient said, "I'm not finished," and he cleared his throat. "Many happy returns on the day of thy birth, and may the Father protect you on Earth with a beautiful birthday in heaven." Then came clapping, cheers, and a room full of tears.

I will cherish this moment always.

The Narrow Path

2011-02-12T13:59:00.000-08:00

Our sermon at church this week really hit home. Our pastor made several points that easily could have been sermons in thier own standing. One such point stuck me right where I am right now. On the screen, he showed a graphic of two arrows: one skinny arrow pointing up, and a second, fat arrow pointing down. This was in reference to the two paths that we may chose to follow in life: (Matthew 7:13, 14) "¹³ “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." The pastor then physically illustrated walking in one direction, along the narrow road that leads to heaven.  He explained that it is a long journey. We aren't going to get there all at once. Sometimes it is really hard. We may even take a few steps forward, and slide a few steps back, but we are still facing the same general direction and moving toward the goal.  It is when we stop, look over at the other road, and say, "this way is too hard.  I think I want to go with them" and turn and leave the road and join the others on the wide path that leads away from God that we are in trouble.

I was so glad for that illustration. The narrow path is hard. Really, really hard sometimes. And sometimes it is really lonely, especially when most of our closest companions choose the wide path.  And the journey takes us to places that we often do not want to go, where the choices are hard to make.  God often makes us do hard work to learn the most important lessons of this life. If we need to learn patience, he sends us frustration upon frustration, until we learn to lean on Him and patiently wait. (And for control-freaks like me, that means God needs to be patient, too). If we need to learn to be more loving, he sends more "unloveable" people into our lives.  By this I don't mean that anyone is unloveable, but that there are people who rub us the wrong way and seem to bring out the worst in us, and we really have to work hard not to judge them and to find their redeeming qualities.

For example, I have a patient at work whose family is driving me crazy! No matter what I do, it is always wrong.  And they complain every single day! A few of the concerns are valid. Many are unrealistic. Every time I see their number come up on my caller ID, or I see them in the hallway, I have to pray before I talk to them. One day, while one of the members was on the phone with me, I couldn't take it any more. She was at first complaining about her family member's care. Then it turned to her own personal problems: health, financial, family, etc. Finally, I asked God under my breath, "What can I do?" Then, before I could think, out of my mouth came this: "It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I know I can't do anything to fix most of it, but there is one thing I can do. Can I pray with you?" She agreed, and I prayed with her right there on the phone. She was grateful and thanked me, then hung up. (Those of you that know me know that I am uncomfortable praying out loud and don't normally volunteer to do it.) I would love to report that this was the answer and it fixed everything, but the next day everything was just the same. I obviously have more learning to do...and a lot more praying!

The point I learned today is that even though the straight and narrow path is hard, sometimes seemingly impossible, that it is not about struggling uphill on a drudging march toward heaven. God knows that I can't do it on my own. I am the one that doesn't always get that it is not all up to me. He points me in the right direction, and he is right there with me to pick me up every time I fall down. He pushes me when I need help, and he carries me when I just can't do it any longer.

And the wide, easy path? Well, I've been down that road before, and believe me, it is harder than it looks!

His ways are not our ways

2011-01-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

I am starting another "read your Bible through in a year" plan. I am in Genesis right now. As I was reading the account of the flood, it really made me stop and think. God was so distressed over the evil he saw in the world, that he saw no other option but to destroy the planet...not just the people, but the whole system, except for 8 people. I wonder what he is thinking as he looks down at the evil going on right now?

Then I thought more about the character of God. He chose not to destroy the earth completely. He sent a rainbow to assure us that he will never change his mind and just give up. Then He gave us an unexplainable gift. A gift he had planned all along, knowing before-hand what the world and its inhabitants were like and what we would do with the gift; he sent Jesus as our substitute.

And Jesus was not just a tool in God's hand. Jesus was in on the plan, designing and working out the details all along. Jesus knew the heart of man; our depth of love as well as the depravity of our hearts. He knew we wouldn't understand his gift. We would reject him over and over.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I couldn't do it. I would look around and say, "No way, man!" It is not worth it. The benefits don't outweigh the risks. I would walk away, leave the sinners in the sin, and start over.

But God is not man. Jesus became a man, but he is still God. He sees us, and somehow, he thinks we ARE worth it. He finds something of value in our wayward hearts. He knows we don't fully understand, and he has hope (well, maybe for an omniscient being hope is not the right word) that we will "get it" at some point and that with our free will we will choose him. We will accept the gift. We will love as we are loved.

I am so glad that God is God.

Virtual village

2010-12-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

I found a game on my computer last weekend that had been installed a couple of years ago when I purchased my computer. It is something about a virtual village. I had a little free time, so I opened it up to see what it was about. It started out with seven villagers on a deserted beach. They needed to "learn" how to take care of themselves, so I had to "teach" them, by moving them around the village and placing them in certain strategic locations at certain times. I played around with it for about an hour, and then I turned it off and went about my day.

Yesterday, I opened it up again, and I found that the game continued on while it was off. All but one of my virtual villagers was dead! Their skeletons were strewn across the virtual beach! I felt bad momentarily. Then I really felt bad about opening up a game that would have required me to waste countless hours in front of a computer screen, trying to keep virtual people "alive"!

This made me think about God. How often do we think of him as someone "out there" just toying with us, and then absently walking away, leaving us to "die" in our ignorance, when he should be teaching us something. So many people I know think of God like that. Like he just set the world in motion and then stepped back to watch us mess it all up.

What a thought! This season, however, we are reminded of how close to humanity that he really is. That he not only participates in our day to day lives, but he even sent his son to become one of us, to live like us, and to offer his life in exchange for ours!

To put it in perspective, it would be like my going into my virtual village to show the virtual people how to be real people, then becoming a game so that they could be really alive! The concept blows my mind!

Creative Dogs

2010-10-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

We have been trying to find a way to keep our two large, active dogs off our new deck. Just telling them to stay down has not been effective. We bought a large baby gate, but they quickly learned they could simply knock it over and get up on the deck. Then we bought two smaller baby gates and fastened them together. They proved to be harder to knock over, so the dogs came up with a more simple solution:

The Sins of the Fathers

2010-09-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

I have always been puzzled by such verses in scripture as:

Exodus 20:5: "...I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."

Exodus 34:7: "...Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."

This is repeated several times. I have heard commentators and pastors try to explain these verses away, but I was never convinced, and it left me with an unsettled feeling about God's character.

Now, I am reading the book of Ezekiel in my daily devotions, and I was thrilled to find this yesterday:

Ezekiel 18;14 - 20:

¹⁴ "But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things:

¹⁵ "He does not eat at the mountain shrines
or look to the idols of the house of Israel.
He does not defile his neighbor's wife.

¹⁶ He does not oppress anyone
       or require a pledge for a loan.
       He does not commit robbery
       but gives his food to the hungry
       and provides clothing for the naked.

¹⁷ He withholds his hand from sin ^[a]
       and takes no usury or excessive interest.
       He keeps my laws and follows my decrees.
      He will not die for his father's sin; he will surely live. ¹⁸ But his father will die for his own sin, because he practiced extortion, robbed his brother and did what was wrong among his people.

¹⁹ "Yet you ask, 'Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?' Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. ²⁰ The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him."

Now this makes sense! This describes God's just judgement in the way that I understand it. All those pastors and commentators were right all along, when they interpreted the previous verses to mean that our bad actions can have long-lasting and far-reaching consequences that affect many others, whether we chose to believe it or not. I praise God that he clears up the misconceptions and confusing ideas within the entirety of his word. One more reason to continue daily study!

Fog

2010-09-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up to a gorgeous day! By the time I left home, the sun was shining in a cloudless sky, and the nearly full moon was still visible. As I drove to town, I noticed how the leaves of the trees were turning various shades of red and yellow, showing that fall is indeed here. As I drove down out of the mountains and into town, however, everything changed. I drove into a thick fog bank. Now the only sunlight I could find was scattered beams that broke through the mist every now and then. You could tell it was daytime, but the light was muted and greyish to amber in color. The bright fall colors were even drab. I knew that the fog was only a temporary condition, and soon the bright sunlight that I had seen above the fog would reach the valley.

This made me think of my experience with God. In reality, he is everything I know he is and more. His brilliance is more than many suns. His goodness, tenderness, love, and mercy are deeper than anything I have experienced on earth. But all of his glory and goodness are hidden from us, much like the sunlight is hidden by the fog. We know it is there, we can see glimpses of it now and then, and there is a constant, muted glow around us that reveals his presence in our lives all the time.

But imagine the glory, when we finally get to see him as he is! When the fog of sin is lifted from between us and we can know true love for what it is. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says, "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." (KJV).

Forgot my camera!

2010-08-08T13:51:00.000-07:00

Would you believe it...I forgot my camera when I went hiking yesterday, and I saw a pika for the first time! He (or she??) was sooo cute! My husband and I were crossing a bridge over a dry creek bed, and there it was, peeking out at us from a gap between some rocks. I threw him a piece of a granola bar that I had brought for lunch, and then I trew him several more. He went running after them (I was throwing left-handed, so my aim wasn't quite accurate). If I wasn't really wanting to get to the waterfall I had promised to share with my husband, I would have stayed with the pika all day and fed him my whole PB&J sandwich, too!

What a blessing to interact with God's creatures in unexpected ways!

Walking with God

2010-07-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

I am about half way through reading "Walking with God," by John Eldredge. He is one of my favorite authors. Only another tightly-wound type-A person is able to really get into my head and share deep new thoughts, like he does. This book is great! I picked it up thinking it would give me more insights on what steps I can take to get closer to God. But it is so much better than that.

Eldredge really gets people like me. He, too, would like a step-by-step manual on how to "do" Christianity. But this book, like all of his others, is about "being" not "doing". He, too, struggles with just remaining in the presence of God, and connecting at the heart level.

This book is about his struggle to listen to God. Wow! I struggle with that, too. I spend a lot of time talking to Him, but listening is really HARD! I love the way this book shows and describes how this plays out in real life. As everyone that follows this blog knows, I have been struggling with prayer for years. I am voraciously reading and studying everything I can find about prayer, but have still come up so empty. I think what I am learning now, about listening, is at least part of the key to my struggles.

Not only does this book open up a whole new world in the area of prayer, it also delves deeper into spiritual warfare. He explains a lot about agreements that we make with the enemy and how that plays out in our lives. I can identify with many of his examples. I have realized that when the voice in my head reminds me in a given situation: "This is just like the last time. Won't you ever learn? You need to protect yourself. You can't open up to people. You need to keep things inside. You are really on your own in this world," etc., I am really making an agreement with the devil and allowing him to control me. I need to recognize it and not make the agreements and allow Satan a stronghold in my heart.

He also mentions something that totally intrigued me: He thinks that when someone is struggling with an issue, such as doubt, that this is part of spiritual warfare. And the same spirit that is pushing the person into this struggle can catch on to us when we try to help that person fight it off, causing us to struggle with it, too, unless we are aware of it. I don't know if I agree, but it is an interesting concept that I think I will ponder for a while.

Very interesting book. Can't wait to finish.

How people grow

2010-07-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

Our Pastor recommended to all of our small group leaders that we read a book, by Townsend and Cloud, authors of the "Boundaries" series, called, "How People Grow." My first impression was, "Oh,no! Not another psychobabble book to help us feel good. Ughhh!" But because I have had life-changing help from the "Boundaries" books and am familiar with and trust the authors, I decided to read it.

I finished it this week, and what a blessing I found. It wasn't about how people grow, with step-by-step charts on growth and development and lots of psychology, as I had expected. It was a refreshing look at examples of how people have experienced growth, or not experienced it, as the case may be, and lessons we can all learn. It was just like their other books, in that it offered tangible lessons that I can and will apply to my own life, as I grow in relationship to God and others, and as I help others in their life journeys.

For example, in a chapter on temptation, they write:

This is exactly how temptation occurs. Satan tempts us at our weakest moments and in our weakest areas. We need something, or we are in pain. And the temptation answers both of those for the moment. If someone needs love or is lonely, the deceptive sin of illicit sex (the lust of the flesh) can momentarily masquerade as love. If someone needs validation, the lure of power and the "boastful pride of life" can trick him into feeling as if his existence is worthwhile because of that power. If someone is feeling "not good enough," the lure of materialism and the "lust of the eyes" can momentarily dull that pain. In those three areas, John tells us, "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world -- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does -- comes not from the Father but from the world" (1 John 2:15 - 16).

The book then goes on to describe ways that we can avoid temptation and recognize it for what it is. It explains several reasons that people go through suffering, and how we can grow and help others through this process. It shows how to be good friends to our suffering brothers and sisters, without being like Job's friends, who were of no help to Job at all.

I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned in this book, and encourage everyone that reads this blog to give this book a try. It might open up a whole new life to you.

Hiking with My Daughter

2010-07-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

Yay! My daughter came home on leave for a few days, and we got to go hiking, (and to a barbecue, and the 4th of July fireworks display in our community, and to a rodeo, and to a birthday party, and to church, and out to dinner, whew!). We hiked to a new place on Sabbath afternoon:

It was so refreshing to get to renew our relationship in the splendor of God's creation! What a blessing!

Back Home

2010-06-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

Eric did not call me with any recent updates, but late Friday night, he showed up at home. Apparently, the challenge was not on the up and up. A lot of things were happening, both on the part of the organizers and by other riders that were making the challenge something that Eric could no longer find himself ethically being involved with. So, he came home. He still made it from Key West, FL to southwest Washington in 6 days, which is not bad!

He was disappointed that the event was not legitimate, as it was something he had been so proud to be a part of, and something that made his heart stir, to push himself to the limit doing something he loves so much. He walked away with his integrity intact and still had an amazing adventure!

Hairless, armored 'possums

2010-06-24T05:50:00.000-07:00

I heard from Eric this morning. He is now near Denver, CO, on his way North. He discussed some of the wildlife he has seen along the way: fireflies (a first, since we don't have them in the Northwest), a turtle, a brown bear, and a "hairless, armored 'possum (an armadillo), also something one would never encounter in the Northwest.

He is truly enjoying this adventure, seeing sites he has never seen, and pushing himself to do something daring. As John Eldredge says in "Wild at Heart," a man needs an adventure to live if he is to feel truly alive. Ride on!

Update

2010-06-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

I got a call from Eric just as I was walking out the door for work this morning, so I couldn't log on for this update. He made it through severe storms in Mississipi, with trees blown down across the road and debris being blown around much of the night. He made it to Arkansas this morning.

He just called me at almost 9 pm tonight and had made it to New Mexico. On his way to Colorado before turning in for a few hours tonight.

Good luck, honey!!!

Hoka Hey Challenge

2010-06-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

For the next two weeks or so, I will divert from my usual topics to share with my friends and family my husband's progress on his latest adventure. On Sunday, June 20, 2010, Eric set off as one of 1,000 chosen riders to participate in a grueling competition. This ride, which started in Key West, Florida, will end by July 4th in Homer, Alaska. In the meantime, the riders will follow a predetermined course across mainly back roads, crossing 62 mountain ranges, 8 deserts, 25 national forests, 33 Indian reservations, and two countries. The riders are given directions to only one checkpoint at a time, getting the next set of directions upon arrival at each checkpoint, which are stationed approximately 1000 miles apart. Anyone caught speeding, sleeping in a hotel/motel, using GPS, or drinking/using performance enhancing drugs will be disqualified.

By last evening, Eric had made it to near Talledega, Alabama, on his way to Mississipi, which is the next checkpoint. He has been traveling about 20 hours a day. I will update this blog with each update from Eric.

Generations

2010-06-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

In my devotionals today, I read part of the book of Judges. I was amazed at the people who so quickly forgot the incredible ways that God repeatedly rescued his people. It seems as though the people would turn back to God and truly worship him, but only for as long as the people who witnessed the miracles of God's favor remained alive, or at least as long as the judge that lead them was alive. But within a generation the people would turn away from him and go back to worshipping idols.

This makes me think about our modern world. We don't worship idols, per se, but we become easily distracted by so many things that fight for our attention, usually things that we find to be more exciting than worshiping God. I think about how all of the "worldly" things attract our youth, and how within a generation, they could all forget the way God has miraculously led our own families. I see that unless they actively seek and experience God for themselves, our own stories will not provide enough substance to keep our children in a trusting relationship with God.

This is heavy stuff...

Deluded

2010-06-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

I have a patient that has been suffering for quite some time with delusions. In long term care, nurses track behaviors such as delusions on a flow sheet, to track the times, events, etc., that may show a pattern to the behavior, as well as any interventions that are effective in alleviating the behaviors. Well, for this particular patient, all of the nurses have been marking on the flow sheet that the patient is not having delusions, while, in fact, she is having them daily. Since the behavior was occurring so frequently, it has become "normal" for this patient, so everyone else just grew accustomed to it and forgot that it was an abnormal behavior.

So, I had to spend some time educating the nurses on what constitutes a delusion, so that our documentation will improve. According to my dictionary, a delusion is "1. a false notion or belief. 2. a fixed belief maintained in the face of indisputable evidence to the contratry." This definitely fit my patient. I can't share my patient's details, but an example would be when a patient believes that aliens are talking to them through the television.

All this focus on delusions, and the review of the definition made me think about life in a spiritual sense. I remember a Bible verse that says, "...They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness." 2 Thessalonians 2:10 - 12.

I wonder about those of us who go about living life apart from truth, following the lies of the world: "We are just a product of evolution," or "He who dies with the most toys wins", or "I am really busy with work, family, etc. but I will have time for God later", or "I don't need God. If I just do good things and am basically a good person, I can make it without him." I have been held captive by those, and others, many times. Are you caught in a delusion? What is holding you back from experiencing freedom in God's truth?

Tribute to a Dear Friend

2010-04-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

I lost a patient this week. She was really much more than a patient. Her name was Irene. She was the only woman I have ever met from her generation that was a U.S. Marine, which in itself speaks volumes of what kind of a woman she was.

Irene came to us a few years ago, after losing her independence to a debilitating illness. She never complained, and never would take a pain pill, even though she was in obvious pain at times, probably much more often than we were aware. She was so stoic, and would always say she was fine, and always had a smile to offer. When she was fitted with a special wheelchair, early in her stay with us, it opened the door for her to regain some of her independence, and that changed not only her life, but ours.

While many people in her condition would have complained about all that they had lost, Irene was a joy! She became president of our facility's resident council, and she took her job very seriously. She openly welcomed newcommers to our facility, and she did everything she could to facilitate meeting each patient's needs. She would bring up issues large or small that needed to be changed, and actively helped to solve the issues, so that our facility could provide everyone the very best care possible. She was a friend to all, and an advocate for those who could not voice thier needs.

She also took care of the nurses and C.N.A.'s. She would make sure our supplies were well-stocked, asking us frequently if there was anything we needed, then going to the office to get them, and delivering them on the back of her electric wheelchair. She would make sure that some of us who tend to work too much would take time to take a break and would remind us to eat when we tried to work through lunch.

More than that, she was everyone's mother. She had 2 amazing children of her own, and grandchildren, too, that she was very proud of. But she was quick to advise and nurture the rest of us, too. We could always count on her for loving counsel, a listening ear, and care and nurturing (even from those of us who were supposed to be nurturing her!) And when the state surveyors would come into our building to inspect us and perhaps find something wrong, Irene was there as an ever-protective mother hen, letting those surveyors know just who they were dealing with, and no one was going to mess with her "family"!

There is not a person in our facility that was not touched in a major way by this amazing woman. It was a shock to all of us to see her leave us so suddenly. But I am amazed at the grace of God, who was merciful in taking her quickly and painlessly, which is the way I know she would have wanted it. In fact, I am certain that this is exactly what she ordered! I know that God loves her so much more than we can imagine, so he was willing to grant her such a quick transition.

In my experience, it seems that we go through so many emotions when we lose a loved one. Most of all, we are caught up with anger and confusion. When we hear of the death of a "bad" person, we feel a sense of justice. But when someone so "good" passes away, we can't understand it. That's why we have the saying that "only the good die young". But God knows a whole lot more about death and what comes next than we can imagine. I know that Irene loved God, and that means that we will be together again soon. And I can't wait to see her again, with our new glorious bodies, unlike anything we now know, where there is no sickness or pain, where everything is new and perfect. I can't wait to see Irene run through the fields on her new, pain-free legs, or soar through the air, or do whatever it is that we will do then, with an even more abundant joy than we shared together in this life. Until then, Irene, you will be sorely missed.

Moment by Moment

2010-03-19T06:16:00.001-07:00

I am reading a fabulous book that my best friend gave me for my birthday: "Escape to God," by Jim Hohnberger. In my reading last night, I came across this:

"It is when the world sees us being saved in the present rather than just saved from the past that our lives will demonstrate that we have the power of God rather than just a form of godliness."

Wow! That is exactly how I want to live my life! Sometimes, when I am living like that, focused on God and what He is guiding me to do in any given situation, it all seems so right. But when I rely on myself to make my decisions, I tend to blow it. It is like the cartoon I keep on my wall in my office: "Dear Lord, So far today I am doing really good. I haven't yelled, haven't lost my temper, haven't sworn, and I haven't even eaten any chocolate. But I will be getting out of bed soon, and then I think I am really gonna need your help!"

I hope you are having a great day. Remember to stay plugged in to the source of your strength, and listen to his leading...he will take you far beyond your wildest imaginings!

childlike prayer

2010-03-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

With all the changes in my life over the past year, I have been thinking a lot about my grandpa. He has been gone more than 10 years now, and sometimes my heart aches for him. I was thinking especially about the times we used to share in the garden lately. I remeber how each spring he would go off to some magical place, probably his backyard, and come back with a bouquet of pussywillows. I remember stroking them, and feeling the soft, furlike texture of each blossom, amazed that a plant could be so special. Grandpa would always send me home with a branch to remind me of the experience. (he did the same in the summer with 4 leaf clovers, which also grew in some magical place in his yard).

While I was reminiscing, I was taken by how little I really knew about the things I know he wanted to teach me. Why didn't I listen better? I really wished I knew where those pussywillows came from. I remember praying a quaint little prayer, "God, it would be really special if you could send me a pussywillow branch this spring." I stopped there: how absurd to pray for a tree branch! But the memories lingered.

I looked up pussywillow in the dictionary: A small willow tree that grows in the U.S. Not very helpful. "Maybe I could find some at the florist? I didn't have time for that. Oh, well." I thought to myself. Then the amazing thing happened:

On Sunday morning, I went for my usual walk, down our long road. To my amazement, there on the side of the road was a willow tree in full blossom -- pussywillows! They must have been growing there for at least 10 years, and I had never noticed them before. I quickly gathered a bundle and brought them home, displaying them fondly on the shelf. How pleased I was that God answered my childlike prayer.

As you know, I have been struggling with the idea of prayer for quite some time. God knows this too. Maybe that is why he keeps me in the primary class at church, so I can learn along with the 7, 8, & 9 year olds, how to trust him with everything and to share with him about everything! Praise God that He blesses the smallest prayers in faith!

The Woman of Shunem

2010-03-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

In my devotions this morning, I was studying this passage from 2 Kings, chapter 4:

Elisha and the Woman from Shunem
8 One day Elisha went to the town of Shunem. A wealthy woman lived there, and she urged him to come to her home for a meal. After that, whenever he passed that way, he would stop there for something to eat.
9 She said to her husband, “I am sure this man who stops in from time to time is a holy man of God. 10 Let’s build a small room for him on the roof and furnish it with a bed, a table, a chair, and a lamp. Then he will have a place to stay whenever he comes by.”
11 One day Elisha returned to Shunem, and he went up to this upper room to rest. 12 He said to his servant Gehazi, “Tell the woman from Shunem I want to speak to her.” When she appeared, 13 Elisha said to Gehazi, “Tell her, ‘We appreciate the kind concern you have shown us. What can we do for you? Can we put in a good word for you to the king or to the commander of the army?’”
“No,” she replied, “my family takes good care of me.”
14 Later Elisha asked Gehazi, “What can we do for her?”
Gehazi replied, “She doesn’t have a son, and her husband is an old man.”
15 “Call her back again,” Elisha told him. When the woman returned, Elisha said to her as she stood in the doorway, 16 “Next year at this time you will be holding a son in your arms!”
“No, my lord!” she cried. “O man of God, don’t deceive me and get my hopes up like that.”
17 But sure enough, the woman soon became pregnant. And at that time the following year she had a son, just as Elisha had said.
18 One day when her child was older, he went out to help his father, who was working with the harvesters. 19 Suddenly he cried out, “My head hurts! My head hurts!”
His father said to one of the servants, “Carry him home to his mother.”
20 So the servant took him home, and his mother held him on her lap. But around noontime he died. 21 She carried him up and laid him on the bed of the man of God, then shut the door and left him there. 22 She sent a message to her husband: “Send one of the servants and a donkey so that I can hurry to the man of God and come right back.”
23 “Why go today?” he asked. “It is neither a new moon festival nor a Sabbath.”
But she said, “It will be all right.”
24 So she saddled the donkey and said to the servant, “Hurry! Don’t slow down unless I tell you to.”
25 As she approached the man of God at Mount Carmel, Elisha saw her in the distance. He said to Gehazi, “Look, the woman from Shunem is coming. 26 Run out to meet her and ask her, ‘Is everything all right with you, your husband, and your child?’”
“Yes,” the woman told Gehazi, “everything is fine.”
27 But when she came to the man of God at the mountain, she fell to the ground before him and caught hold of his feet. Gehazi began to push her away, but the man of God said, “Leave her alone. She is deeply troubled, but the Lord has not told me what it is.”
28 Then she said, “Did I ask you for a son, my lord? And didn’t I say, ‘Don’t deceive me and get my hopes up’?”
29 Then Elisha said to Gehazi, “Get ready to travel[a]; take my staff and go! Don’t talk to anyone along the way. Go quickly and lay the staff on the child’s face.”
30 But the boy’s mother said, “As surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, I won’t go home unless you go with me.” So Elisha returned with her.
31 Gehazi hurried on ahead and laid the staff on the child’s face, but nothing happened. There was no sign of life. He returned to meet Elisha and told him, “The child is still dead.”
32 When Elisha arrived, the child was indeed dead, lying there on the prophet’s bed. 33 He went in alone and shut the door behind him and prayed to the Lord. 34 Then he lay down on the child’s body, placing his mouth on the child’s mouth, his eyes on the child’s eyes, and his hands on the child’s hands. And as he stretched out on him, the child’s body began to grow warm again! 35 Elisha got up, walked back and forth across the room once, and then stretched himself out again on the child. This time the boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes!
36 Then Elisha summoned Gehazi. “Call the child’s mother!” he said. And when she came in, Elisha said, “Here, take your son!” 37 She fell at his feet and bowed before him, overwhelmed with gratitude. Then she took her son in her arms and carried him downstairs.

I can relate to this story on so many levels! First of all, I am a lot like the Shunamite woman. I feel so much like her when I don't ask God for the desires of my heart because I don't want to be disappointed. I have so often held back, because I know that when I ask God for a certain blessing, He can certainly say, "No." I almost said, "he is very likely to say no." This is how I often feel. But the truth is, He is just as likely to say "yes". So, when Jesus says, "You do not have because you do not ask," this is true of me. I hold back due to fear of being disappointed when I don't get what I ask for. Then I still don't get it, because I didn't ask! How disappointing!

Also, I am like the woman in this story in that I hold back from others. This woman was not a widow. She had a hard-working, involved husband. When He asked his wife what was happening, she told him, essentially, "everything is fine, dear, just go back to work." She told Elisha's servant the same thing, "everything is fine." Only when she got to Elisha, who in this case represented God in her life, did she tell the truth about what was really on her heart. How often I have done the same thing! I am always fine, even when my heart is breaking. Very often, I hold back from my friends, and even my family. Sometimes even God.

Finally, I identify with Elisha in this story. I have had so many times when I felt God's work in my life, when I knew that God was doing great things for me and for others through me, but when it came time to make a bold move, God seemed quiet. When Elisha saw the woman coming, he knew something was wrong, but "the Lord has not told me what it is." I hate the silence of God! I want to know what his plans are. I want to know "why" things are happening, and "what" he wants me to do. But most of the time his answer to me is the same as to Elisha, "Be patient. Pay attention. You'll see in a minute." UGH, Patience. That is a hard one. That means we have to rely on trusting God when we don't know the outcome. That will take a lifetime.

I am thankful for God's word, which teaches us that in the end, it will all come together, and even a stubborn, impatient, control-freak such as myself will one day "get it", and God will teach even me what it means to trust in the Lord.

more thoughts on prayer

2010-02-11T17:28:00.000-08:00

Last week I was invited to participate in an annointing service for my best friend's daughter. She has a congenital health condition, but now is having symptoms that may be physical, emotional, or spiritual -- perhaps a combination of all three. Traditional medical treatment and counselling have not helped, so they decided to have an annointing service and ask God for divine intervention. I was grateful to be asked to take part in the service, and I thought I would share my thoughts:

First, I was amazed to find that this young woman has many of the same questions as I do in regard to prayer. Why does God choose to do miracles sometimes, but seems to ignore our requests at other times? My young friend recounted a time when she was on a missionary trip, and a woman desperately needed a miracle. The group prayed earnestly, yet no miracle seemed to happen. Why wouldn't God intervene, at a time when thousands could have been impacted, in addition to the woman who was desperate for healing?

In my friend's case, she was hesitant to have the annointing, because, as she put it, "If I pray and ask Him for healing, and I put my faith in Him, and he doesn't do anything, I don't want to be disappointed." What are we mere mortals to do with this? I feel the same way so often. What right have I to even ask Him? (The answer, of course, is that throughout the Bible, He encourages us, even commands us to ask Him for whatever we need).

The biggest problem, for me, is that while He promises to hear my prayers, even to answer them, He never promises that the answer will be "Yes," or even, "maybe," or even to give me a response at all. That is so frustrating! I am to ask Him, to expect that whatever His response is, that it is what is best, and to trust Him to do what is right, all the while knowing that like Job, I may be left in the dark my entire life in regard to what His answer is or why the answer comes the way it does.

Then, I can't shake the question: If I pray for healing, such as for my friend, and God has other plans, is it still worth asking in the first place? Why should I ask him to help someone, if he already has a plan for that person? Is he going to change his plans, or change his mind just because I, or someone else, or a whole group of people, or even millions of people ask him? I think of Abraham pleading for God to be lenient with the people in Sodom. I think of the Israelites asking God for a King. I know that God could agree to change his mind, but would I want him to give me what I want instead of what He knows is right?

So many questions! For those of you that follow this blog regularly, you know this has been a lengthy struggle. I have searched the scriptures, I have read book after book on prayer, and I am even praying about praying! What I am finding is that God, for now, wants me to learn through experience. He wants me to "try him out for size" as the saying goes. So, here I am, praying, hoping, that my friend will find healing, and that in the process, I will keep learning with each step, as I practice praying in different manners and for different things, and as I keep growing in my relationship with my maker and king.

It's never too late

2010-01-23T17:20:00.001-08:00

I want to tell you about a patient I had. I'll call him Tommy. Tommy had a heart attack, and had to have surgery. While he was in surgery, he had a bad stroke. No one thought he had a chance in making it out of the hospital alive, and if he did, they were sure he would be in bad, bad shape thereafter. He was in the hospital for weeks. While he was there, he ended up sharing a room with another man.

One day, the roommate had some visitors who came and prayed with the man. The visitors then came and prayed over Tommy, who was still on a breathing machine and unable to interact with the world around him, though he could hear what was going on. He told me later, "I know that God heard their prayers, because I am here now."

Tommy came to our facility for rehab, to help him learn to walk, to feed himself, and to do all of the daily activities that the rest of us take for granted. He shared his story with me, and I asked him if he wanted to join our small prayer group that meets in my office every morning. He was excited and gladly joined us. Tommy ended up accepting Jesus as his savior and was even baptized by the chaplain at our facility before he was discharged home.

Tommy's life was changed, and we were all blessed to watch the changes taking place. He was such an encouragement to the other patients. He would eat in our assist dining room, though he did not need assistance any longer. He would tell the other men at the table, "Joe, you gotta drink your juice. You aren't gonna get better if you don't drink." He worked hard at his own rehab and did everything he could to help the others get well, too.

Now, Tommy comes in twice a week to continue his rehab on an outpatient basis. After his therapy, he stops by my office, "Come on, Terri, it's time to pray." He has led us in some amazing prayers. He is more alive now than ever!

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I felt a strong urge to give him a copy of my latest book. I am not one to toot my own horn, and I don't push my books at my job, but I couldn't shake the thought that I needed to give him one. So I did.

Last week, he stopped by again, and reported to me that he was so thankful for the book, that it had changed his life. He recounted the years of abuse he had endured from his father, and how his sister would take him under her wing and care for him after the beatings. He had never thanked her, and he left home angry and bitter. He says that he was an angry man and had often taken it out on his wife and children. "No more," he said. "I understand now what happened, and God has healed my heart. I called my sister after all these years, and I was able to thank her. We are now able to talk and have a new relationship." He was so thankful for the words in the book, that God had, especially for him.

I learned a lot from him, too. I learned that God can use us to encourage others no matter what our circumstances. I learned that God doesn't give up on us, even if we waste many years following another path. What an awesome God!

Touche

2009-12-30T19:22:00.000-08:00

Last week, in the class I teach at my church, I was bested by one of my students. My co-teacher asked for a volunteer to help with a project. She said he/she needed to be a very good reader to help with the next activity. David, who is new to our class, raised his hand frantically. The teacher chose another student, and David looked very sad. In an effort to comfort him, I said, "David, we needed someone who is a very good reader this time," to which David replied, "I am a very good reader! I can read the original 'Count of Monte Cristo.' " I was sure I had him now: "David, do you know that the original 'Count of Monte Cristo' is in French?" David's reply: "Bon Jour!"

Touche, David!

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

2009-11-29T13:10:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has been so long since my last post! With projects around the house and overtime at work, time just flies by! I have still had many, many opportunities lately to discuss and encourage others in their walk with the Lord! I have had multiple encounters lately based on one theme: why does God allow suffering?

This seems to be the biggest challenge for believers and seekers alike. My own grandfather refused to believe in God for many, many years because he couldn't find a suitable answer for his question. So, how did I answer my friends?

Unfortunately, there is no one-liner to cover such a complex and important issue, so it takes some time to explain. It has to do with several factors.

First of all, we have to look at sin and how it entered our universe. It originally surfaced in heaven, of all places. Satan, who started out as an angel, began to question God's ruling. He became jealous. He coveted God's position and wanted it for himself. (see Ezekiel 28:17 and Isaiah 14:12 -14) He started a war in heaven with his accusations and was able to decieve 1/3 of the angels (see Revelation 12:7 -9). (Side note: King David's son, Absalom, did the same thing, nearly destroying the nation of Israel).

Now, what was a God of love to do? He could have simply annihilated Satan and all of the fallen angels and eradicated sin and rebellion right then and there, sparing the universe from the possiblity of sin and pain. But how would the angels and the onlooking universe have reacted? Would they still follow Him in love, or would they follow Him out of fear? Would they start to believe that perhaps Satan was right, and doubt for themselves? No, God chose another option: to let sin run its full course, vindicating His character for all the universe to see.

That takes us to the next point: God designed us for a relationship with Him. He wants us to love Him and to interact with Him. He designed us with freedom of choice, freedom to choose to follow Him, to love Him fully and openly, or to deny Him and ignore Him as we see fit. Only then can we truly have a love relationship with Him. If He designed us without the capability to choose, we would be more like robots, and we would only follow Him, not love Him.

God then made an unimaginable choice, to allow Satan to test and subject us all to all manner of sin. God knew that we would fall to this temptation, but out of His amazing love, he designed a plan in which we could all be saved, even when we fall. Part of God Himself, Jesus, would come to earth, live a perfect life, and die for us, in our place, sufferring the punishment that is truly due to Satan and his followers. So, with the plan in hand, He let it all play out.

With the choices open to us, and with Satan making accusations against God's character, the way was opened for the sin and pain that we see all around us. See the story of Job in the Bible for an example of what is going on behind the scenes. This man, Job (pronounced JOBE), was a righteous man. He followed God and loved Him with all his heart. Satan accused God, stating that no one could really love God, and that Job only followed Him and claimed to love Him because God had blessed him. If God would withold his blessings, then Job would surely turn away from God. But God knew Job truly loved Him, and so he allowed Satan to put all kinds of suffering on Job. Satan cursed Job, killed his entire family, took away all of his posessions, and even struck Job with a painful, but not deadly, illness, which made Job suffer immensely.

To make things even worse, Job's "friends" misunderstood the whole thing and kept telling Job that he must have brought it all on himself, and tried to make him abandon his faith. He had no support at all. In the end, God blessed Job, after he passed the test, and God restored much more to Job than what he had lost.

This helps to explain what happens to us in this life. Sometimes we are tested, as Job was. It may be for us, to strengthen our own faith. It may be for others that are watching, as it was in Job's case. Other times, our suffering has more to do with natural consequences of our own foolishness, or we are victims of another's bad choices.

In any case, the reason for a Christian's faith is not that we expect to avoid suffering. Quite the opposite, we expect it. We know that every person on Earth, by virtue of the world we live in, will experience suffering. But God has promised us two things: He will be with us in all of our troubles, and He will make all things right when the time is right. (see 2 Corinthians 4:16 -18; 2 Peter 3:9)

Israel -- the God wrestler

2009-08-29T07:17:00.000-07:00

In American culture, our names usually don't have specific meanings. We may be named after someone special, but usually our parents just give us names that sound good to them. In Eastern cultures, however, and especially in the Bible, names usually described a person's character, or significant events in the lives of the parents. So, I can only imagine the difficulty poor Jacob had in grade school, with a name that meant "cheater" or "manipulator". (that makes scary-Terri sound much better!)

In my devotional last evening, I read how Jacob's name was changed to Israel, or "God-wrestler". Jacob wrestled all night with the Lord (or more likely an angel, though we aren't told for sure). He would not let the man go until he received the blessing he was seeking. The angel blessed him, and his name was changed from that point on.

His descendents became a mighty nation, as promised to his grandfather, Abraham. The nation took on his name: Israel, God-wrestler. The rest of the Bible goes on to document the nation's struggles with God, their "wrestling" if you will, as they would follow God, then turn from Him, then suffer the consequences, then turn back to Him, over and over again.

In the New Testament, followers of Jesus Christ are told that they become children of Abraham and heirs according to the promise, by our faith. We become a sort of "spiritual Israel". How significant, as our whole journey in life consists of wrestling with God. Who is He? Why am I here? What is God's purpose for my life? We wrestle to follow God, we wrestle to give up our pride and selfishness as we learn to be disciples of Christ. And, just as Jacob limped away from the experience scarred, we, too, get lumps and bumps through the process. And, just as Jacob did, we find that the blessings of God are worth whatever the cost!

Sacrifice

2009-08-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

I have a couple of friends that are on the fence about Christianity. They seem to be holding back, like so many people, out of fear over what they may have to give up, if they choose to follow Christ.

This has really made me think. At first, I wanted to say that following Christ isn't about what you give up, but about the new life that you get, (not to mention eternal life after this life). But then, I quickly changed my train of thought.

The Christian life really is about what we give up. Jesus calls us to become a "living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1), to be fully surrendered to God's will at all times. This is no small undertaking. In fact, it is impossible for us to do without God's direct intervention in our lives. Rick Warren tells us in "The Purpose Driven Life" that the problem with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar! How true!

When we accept Christ as Lord and Savior of our lives, we give up our ideas of control and our thoughts and plans for our own lives and subject them to His will. That is a huge sacrifice! God doesn't want just a part of our lives, He wants it all... our bodies, our finances, our thoughts, our plans, our relationships, our dreams. We must surrender ALL to Him. Wow!

At first glance, this makes God sound like a control-freak, and Christians like mindless robots, but that's nthe case. We surrender all, because that is how we gain all. "When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life," Romans 6:20 - 22, NIV.

I think this is why God uses the analogy of marriage so often in the scriptures. When we get married, we totally surrender "I" & "me" to be replaced by "us" and "we". We sacrifice our selfishness and individuality for something bigger... family.

What if we really, truly surrendered our entire lives to God? What if we thought of ourselves and God as "We" in every aspect of our lives? How would "we" use "our" hands, "our" words, "our" time & money? How would a totally surrendered life look and feel? what if we woke up every morning and asked God, "What are we going to do today? You lead the way, and I will follow?" and then we followed through without reservation?

Do any of us have the courage to really put this to the test? I know in my heart that this is the true Christian life, but I still have so much to learn, and so far to go. Sometimes I feel like sacrificing 10% of my money, 1/7 th of my time, a few kind words spoken to others throughout the day, 20 minutes a day spent in prayer, a glance at the scriptures twice a day, and "being a nice person" is what it is all about...Ha!

My prayer is that God will help me, every day, to present myself -- my whole self -- to Him as a living sacrifice, without holding back, continuously until the day He comes and takes me home.

Comfort Zones

2009-07-04T13:33:00.000-07:00

I help teach one of the children's classes at my church each week. Our lesson this week was on "doubting Thomas". I was getting more and more uncomfortable with this lesson as I studied it and prepared to teach. I thought, "we really give this guy a tough time. All he did is question whether what he heard was or wasn't true. He said he wouldn't believe until he saw it for himself. After all, his companions were claiming to have seen the resurrected Jesus, so was it inappropriate for him to have wanted to see for himself as well?"

Thankfully, my co-teacher volunteered to teach the lesson for me, though she did not know of my struggles with the subject. During class, I learned alongside the kids. My friend said, "Thomas had heard from his closest friends and companions that Jesus had risen from the dead. Did he have any reason to doubt what they were telling him? His friends were honest. They had no reason to mislead him." Hmmmmm. "His statement to the other disciples revealed what he was thinking in his heart, "I won't believeit unless I see the nail wounds in his hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in his side." It wasn't that he was unsure, but that he had determined against believing. This made me think about what I may be keeping myself from believing.

This came on the heels of an interaction I had with a coworker this past week. She is a wonderful Christian lady who is old enough to be my mother, and, thankfully, is willing to play that role on occasion, when I need motherly advice. She came to me a bit troubled by an experience she had earlier in the week.

There was a group of young adults that were on a bicycle trip to (from?) Colorado. They stopped and asked her and her husband if they could pitch a tent in her yard for the night as they were passing through. She immediately became concerned. She did not know these young men, and had never heard of someone stopping a stranger and asking for a place to stay. Why weren't they staying in a hotel or a campground? My friend hesitated, but her husband immediately agreed and let the young men stay.

My friend was counselled by her family that this is what Jesus would have them do. Where else would these men stay, where it would be safe for them, but in the yard of a watchful Christian family? My friend felt sad that she had been so hesitant about doing God's work.

I tried to reassure her, explaining that things are scary in today's world. What if these young men were up to something? Would her family be safe? I assured her that it was right to question them and think of the safety of her family, but she countered with, "Don't you think God is strong enough to protect us?" How could I argue?

This made me think about my own Christian walk. Sometimes I think I am such a great person. I do good works all the time. I am active in personal ministry to others. I give generously to charity. I volunteer. I am helpful and kind. But....am I truly willing to follow wherever God leads me? All of the works I do "for the Lord" I do within the framework of my personal safety and at little or no risk. Would I have opened my yard, let alone my home, to a stranger? Would I do anything for a person I did not trust? I am not so sure. Just like Thomas, I have areas where I have doubts.

During our sermon today, the pastor quoted James 2: 14 - 16. "Dear brothers and sisters, what's the use of saying you have faith if you don't prove it by your actions? That kind of faith can't save anyone. Suppose you see a brother or sister who needs food or clothing, and you say, "Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat well" -- but then you don't give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?" Ouch!

Obviously, God has opened my eyes to an area where I need to do some work. I am thankful for his patient instruction.

Part 3

2009-06-30T06:17:00.001-07:00

Our trip went through Bryce Canyon, which was my favorite. The colors were amazing! Of course, the trees were a refreshing sight, in such an arid region. The hoodoos of orange and white were breathtaking!

God's handiwork never ceases to amaze me! "For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land." Psalm 95:3 -5.

Part 2

2009-06-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

I was really amazed when I came upon this scene:

We were hiking on a nearly 100 degree day, in a place with such extreme weather and inhospitable conditions, when we saw this garden, planted and tended by God. The flowers were mostly balsam root, but there were blooming cactus and flowers of blue and orange and white as well. We also saw several lizards making their home in the garden.

The Majesty of God

2009-06-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a vacation in southern Utah. I had never been there before, and I was in for a real treat! On our motorcycle trip, we were able to visit Arches, Bryce Canyon, and Zion National Parks. I was amazed at the variety of rock formations, not to mention the flowers, lizards, hawks, and other signs of life in such a seemingly desolate place.

This is my husband and me, standing inside one of the many arches in the park. The terrain is steeper than it looks, but the rock faces are much easier to climb than the basalt rocks found in the Northwest. They are sandstone, which actually grips like sandpaper. In some places, I felt like Spiderwoman, climbing the faces of the rocks with my hands and feet in what felt like a nearly vertical climb!

Graduation blessing

2009-06-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

In many families, there is a tradition of formally blessing each child as he/she grows up and leaves home. For my family, that involves my writing a "blessing poem" for each of my children upon graduation from high school. My youngest daughter, Keri, will be graduating this week, and this is my tribute to her:

Congratulations, Keri

How did we get from "Carry me! Carry me!"
To all grown up now; Keri's free?
From the sweet, quiet bundle, twisting Momma's hair,
To an independent woman who is going somewhere?

I remember her eating rocks, dirt, and bugs,
A timid little creature needing cuddles and hugs.
Now she's mature, has a mind of her own,
No longer a child; My, how she's grown!

And a fine woman you are; gentle, yet bold,
With a good moral compass -- you don't have to be told.
You still have that sweetness, that tender heart,
Full of kindness and love that we've seen from the start.

But I see something more, something daring and wild,
A strong-willed woman, not a stubborn child.
With such determination, you'll meet the highest goals,
And still have fun while you try out new roles.

For eighteen years, God has loaned you to me,
Now you're all His; in His arms you are free.
My only advice: Listen closely for His voice;
His alone will guide you to make the best choice.

So, go on now and celebrate your new life,
With its seasons of blessings and bursts of strife;
And remember always that you are loved and adored
And were planned from the start by our Savior and Lord.

Love,
Mom

Shaving the cat

2009-05-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

Have you ever shaved a cat? I mean with clippers and the whole thing?

Unfortunately, my aged cat (I believe she is 14 or 15, I can't remember exactly when she was born), has had a little more trouble grooming herself these days. She is a long-haired Himalayan, and she used to get by with very little help from me in keeping her long grey hair in tip-top shape. But somehow over the past few weeks, she has become a matted, tangled mess, with knots so deep that she cried when I touched her. She had pine needles and sap stuck to her fur in several places, and try as I may, I could not get the tangles out.

So, out came the shears. The ones I use on the dogs in the summer no less! My husband held her up, with her claws as far away from me as he could keep them -- boy was that a challenge-- and away we went! Let me tell you, she was NOT HAPPY!

By the time we got done with her, she was much cleaner and softer, but now she has to run around with a freakish mohawk...what will her friends think? At least I didn't dye it pink (HMMM, that is an idea...)

Anyway, she is comfortable and clean and no worse for the wear, after going through such a traumatic experience. This made me think of what our spiritual growth often feels like. You know, when we find ourselves in a mess, with sticky situations and matted messes in our lives. Sometimes God needs to shave away some of the stuff that is keeping us in knots, and it is a painful and often embarrassing process, but in the end it works out for our good, and we are much better off after He gets done with us.

Well, that's my thought for the day, thanks, Kitty! (I'll spare her the embarassment of a photo).

2009-05-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here! After what seemed like endless days of rain, we finally got some sunshine. Of course, we had to take full advantage of it, so my husband and I decided to climb Hamilton Mountain in the Columbia River Gorge. It was beautiful! This is a view on our way up...still quite distance to go.

I don't know why we chose such a difficult place for our first hike of the season. Maybe we worried we wouldn't get another chance. By the time we got home, my whole body was rebelling! But it was truly worth it. The wildflowers were in full bloom, and I had a chance to see one of my favorites: Chocolate lillies!
I don't know why I love them so much. Maybe because they taste like -- no, they are named after -- my favorite food, Chocolate! And there were dozens of them, scattered all across the mountainside. The beautiful flowers bursting in every color filled the scenery in every direction. That is why I love living in the great Pacific Northwet, uh, Northwest!

Praise God for the glory of all He has made!

Thoughts on Hell

2009-04-23T17:05:00.000-07:00

The theme of this week, apparently, has been hell. One of my patients called me into her room the other day to share with me that she had just watched a program on television, where an evangelist attempted to convince the audience that the actual location of hell had finally been discovered. He showed some kind of graphic and explained what a horrible place it was and how tormented the people were. My elderly patient was almost in tears..."It was so awful! Now maybe everyone will see for themselves. If this doesn't scare them into believing, I don't know what will!"

Indeed! I get so frustrated when I hear my brothers and sisters talk about scaring people into believing. While God is very forthright in His Word concerning right and wrong, sin and righteousness, I don't believe He had ever intended to scare us into believing. If He did, I don't think He would have been nearly as patient with us as He consistently has been. I could insert so many scriptures here about His patience and longsuffering, but I need to move on.

I also happened to finish "The Case for Faith," by Lee Strobel, this week. In this book, Strobel attempts to counter eight of the biggest objections to Christianity. Overall, I think he does a fine job, but a few of his examples are weak and lack support. One such topic is the doctrine of hell.

For a man as educated as Strobel, with a strong background as a newspaper reporter, I was shocked by his lack of reasoning and by his choice of "experts" on this topic. First of all, the "expert" J.P. Moreland, PhD, starts out by saying that hell is not a literal place and that there is no fire in hell. He explains that all of the biblical language describing hell is just figurative, meaning separation from God. He gives no evidence whatsoever to back up his opinion, and Strobel doesn't press the issue.

Strobel does point out, however, that "some theologians claim that annihilation is what's taught by the scriptures. They say the Bible teaches that while the punishment of hell is eternal, the punishing isn't eternal." He then goes on to give several examples that support this viewpoint. Then the "expert" starts with a circular argument, based on semantics, to try to discredit this line of reasoning. I often use semantics in my own arguments, but this guy's argument doesn't even make sense:

"Now, how about these passages concerning hell? The Old Testament has clear passages on hell being everlasting. Daniel 12:2 says at the end of the age, the just are raised to everlasting life, the unjust to everlasting punishment. the identical Hebrew word for everlasting is used in both instances. If we're going to say that people are annihilated in hell, we should say they're annihilated in heaven. You can't have your cake and eat it, too...In the New Testament, in Matthew 25, Jesus offers a clear teaching where he's intending to address the question of the eternal state of heaven and hell, and he uses the same word everlasting to refer to both."

So what? Everlasting is not the word in question! Everlasting what??? That is the question that begs to be asked. Everlasting torture? Burning? Punishment or Punishing? Effects or events? I don't mind a discussion about doctrine, but please, use some sense of reasoning in your argument!

My favorite response to the question of what the state of the lost actually is comes from a very familiar verse, John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have eternal life." I see two groups here: those that perish and those with eternal life. The effects of both choices are eternal.

What are your thoughts?

An Easter Revelation, Revisited

2009-04-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

I have not been a very good blogger of late; my schedule has been jam packed. That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about writing, I just don't have time most days to write these thoughts down. As Easter is fast approaching, I have been thinking deep thoughts about all that transpired this week, almost two thousand years ago. I have been in deep thought, but I thought that rather than sharing some rather scattered thoughts, I ought to reprint my Easter thoughts from last year, as they were worth another look:

"I am still reading "3:16 the Numbers of Hope" by Max Lucado. What I read this week just blew my mind, so I have to share.

"Mary, the mother of James, and Mary Magdalene have come to the tomb to place warm oils on a cold body and bid farewell to the one man who gave reason to their hopes." The women think they are alone. They aren't. They think their journey is unnoticed. They are wrong. God knows. And he has a surprise waiting for them." 'An angel of the Lord came down from heaven, went to the tomb, and rolled the stone away from the entrance' (Matt 28:2 NCV).

"Why did the angel move the stone? For whom did he roll away the rock?" For Jesus? That's what I always thought. But think about it. Did the stone have to be removed in order for Jesus to exit? Did God have to have help? Was the death conqueror so weak that he couldn't push away a rock?" I don't think so.

The text gives the impression that Jesus was already out when the stone was moved! For whom, then, was the stone moved?" Listen to what the angel says: 'Come and see the place where his body was' (v. 6 NCV). "The stone was moved--not for Jesus--but for the women; not so Jesus could come out, but so the women could see in!"

This was just such an amazing thought. The Lord was already risen. The tomb was empty. God had conquered sin and death. But no one knew. The angel had to move the stone so that humans could be in on the action! It made me wonder what other stones he has needed to move, in my life, so that I could see what was really going on!

Making a difference

2009-03-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

This week in church, our pastor challenged us to try to make a difference in the community. I kept thinking, "well, duh... how can anyone have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ without making a difference? How can I go about 'business as usual', knowing that I have been given an incredible gift, without sharing it with others. How can I be loved so much, without showing that same love and compassion with everyone I meet?"

I don't want to sound like I am perfect; I struggle day to day with temptations and frustrations, just like everyone else, but knowing that God is with me every step of the way sure makes the difficulties easier to bear, and easier to work through.

To illustrate, let me share an incredible experience I had this week. I was at work, and I got a phone call from a patient that I had several months ago. She started with a question about nutrition and leg cramps, but I could sense that this was not the real reason for the call. After we chatted for a few minutes, and I answered her "health" questions as best I could, she got to the real point of the call: her family was in trouble, and she needed spiritual support.

While she did not know that I write books on abuse and emotional healing, she did know that I am a Christian. Not because I go around preaching and judging everyone, but because I feel a need to connect with my patients, to see to their hearts' needs, and I offer to pray and support each of them in a personal way to the best of my ability (with God's help). As my former patient explained her situation, she began to cry and told me that she knew I prayed and she just needed someone to pray for her family. I prayed with her on the phone and also have been praying for her family with the small group that meets together every morning at work. I know God has a plan to help her family through this situation.

I am thankful that God can use me to be a help to others. By being kind, by listening for even a few minutes, by building trust in my relationship with others, I am allowing God to use me to reach others in a tangible way. I don't have to be a preacher or an evangelist to share the love of God with others. All I have to do is follow His leading, to take a few minutes in my busy day to say a kind word, or more importantly, to be there for someone else that needs a listening ear. What an honor that God lets us be a part of healing the ills of our world!

Awesome Kids

2009-03-04T05:59:00.000-08:00

I am fortunate enough to be a teacher of 7 to 9 year olds in my church. They are so fun and energetic! As a soon to be empty-nester, I am more and more excited each week to spend time with these great kids!

Last week, we started a new project: We are reading "The Case for Christ for Kids" by Lee Strobel. As I have been reading mostly apologetics books lately (books on why we can believe that God and the Bible are true and trustworthy), I thought it might be appropriate to share these ideas with my kids.

I was a little hesitant at first. Would the kids even be interested? We all sat in a circle in the back of the room, and I began reading. I asked the kids if they ever wondered if God was real. I was not prepared for the dialogue to come. One girl said, "We think that the Bible is right, and that God is real. But other people believe in different things, and they all think their way is the right way. We can't all be right. How do we know who is really right?" Another child spoke up, "I was thinking about that this week when I was riding my bike. I wondered if Jesus was real, or if He was just like the other stuff we read or watch on t.v."

As the conversation went on, I found that every single child in the class had been wondering about whether God was real or make-believe. I asked them if they ever asked their parents, and most of them said, "No." They were worried that the questions would upset their parents.

I am looking forward to our ongoing conversations over the next few weeks. I think that even the adult helpers in the class have similar questions. I am so thankful that there are real answers to these questions and that we don't have to believe by "blind faith", but that Jesus left us with some very compelling evidence to support the Bible claims of creation, of Jesus death and resurrection, and of a redeemed life for those who believe. Pray with me that these children will learn to trust in the God that loves them more than they will ever know.

Lewis on Hope

2009-01-21T06:23:00.000-08:00

I have finished reading, "Mere Christianity," by C. S. Lewis. It was fantastic! I learned a lot about humanity and practical faith. My favorite was the chapter on hope:

"Aim at Heaven, and you will get earth 'thrown in': aim at earth and you will get neither." p. 112.

"Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign coutntry, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning , can really satisfy...There was something we grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality." p. 113

"Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists...If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing." p.114

My friends, I hope that you, like me, will spend this day, and many others, searching for the real thing, until, at last, we all find it.

Punishment?

2009-01-15T06:21:00.001-08:00

This week, I got an e-mail from a young lady that just finished reading one of my books. Her first comment to me was that she thought I was "a great Christian" and she wished she could be as "good" as I was. I was shocked, and I immediately replied that I am no better than anyone else, that my walk with God is minute by minute and day by day, just like everyone else's. I said that all we needed was a willing heart to follow where He leads us, and He will do the rest. She followed up with a comment that she thought that she was going through difficulty in her life because she made God angry when she stopped going to church.

Of course, that led to a lengthy conversation, but in the end it made me think about something else: why do we always head straight to the idea that God is angry at us, and that all of our trials are a form of punishment? I know that God will ultimately judge us each, and this may be the underlying fear that most of us have, but that is not all God is about. Judging us is more like some task He has to perform, but it is certainly not His main objective.

God is about love and relationships. This is the theme of the entire Bible. Would Jesus have died for us, if He were motivated by anything but a love that we can't even comprehend? Would God have stooped to our level and intermingled with humanity through the life of Jesus for any other reason? Does He offer us grace, mercy, and the gift of the Holy Spirit, if all He wanted was to punish us?

I think that when we make mistakes, or even choose to do wrong, that God is not sitting up in heaven, making a list like Santa Claus, thinking to himself, "Boy is S/he going to get it!" Instead, I think He has compassion on us and opens His arms to us, saying, "It's okay. I know what you are going through. I forgive you. Let me help you put it back together."

It is my prayer that we all accept His invitation.

Resistance Training

2009-01-14T06:13:00.000-08:00

This morning I was going to share what I have been learning from C. S. Lewis, from his book, "Mere Christianity," but I have something else to share instead, so you will have to wait for my thoughts on Lewis for another day.

This morning, as with most mornings, I was working out. However this morning, I shared my workout with someone else. You see, last summer we got 2 new kittens. One of them is still small and timid. She is such a sweetheart. But the other one...well, he is a tiger in a domestic cat's clothing! He happened to be in the house this morning while I was working out.

During the aerobic portion of my workout, he sat watching me intently. Then, I got out my mat for floor work. I got down onto the mat and started doing crunches. The cat, however, took the opportunity to attack what, to him, was an obvious foreign life form that needed to be dealt with: My ponytail! Imagine trying to do sit-ups with a cat attached to your head.

Of course, I am a type-A person, so I couldn't just stop my workout and deal with the cat. So, I guess you could say I just finished the set with extra resistance. Then it was on to push ups. You would think the cat would go away after the sit-ups, but the push ups provided an extra level of entertainment: Not only was there a ponytail to kill and destroy, but he could hide in the "tunnel" to do it!

So there he was, sneaking under my belly, grabbing at my ponytail, which was hanging down beside my neck. He would just about reach it, then ... squish. He would back up as I came down, still keeping his eye on the prize. As I would raise up, he would crawl back under and grab, and down I would come.

Somehow, I finished my routine with my ponytail intact, and Zeus did not get smashed in the process. When I laid back for a stretch, he climbed up on my chest and nuzzled my nose, rubbing up and purring, letting me know that he had sooo much fun this morning. I petted him and smiled.

Tomorrow, the cat goes outside!

A Hall of Doors

2009-01-13T06:12:00.000-08:00

Since my books have been published, I have been thrilled to have helped many people to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. It has been amazing! Many of them have been baptized and have joined various churches. I have often wondered if I should be doing more to encourage these people to join my church instead of just any church. After all, if I didn't think my church was the right one, why would I keep going?

I was grateful to find the answer in a book I am now reading, which I am sure many of you have read. (If not, pick up a copy, it is brilliant!). I am reading, "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. In the preface, he gives an analogy that truly impressed me. In it he describes the idea of "Christianity" as:

"It is more like a hall out of which doors open into several rooms. If I can bring anyone into that hall I shall have done what I attempted. But it is in the rooms, not the hall, that there are fires and chairs and meals. The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in. For that purpose the worst of the rooms (whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable."

He goes on to explain how one should choose a room, "In plain language, the question should never be, 'Do I like that kind of service?' but 'Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here?' Does my conscience move me towards this? Is my reluctance to knock at this door due to my pride, or my mere taste, or my personal dislike of this particular door-keeper?' "

He goes on, finally, to say to those of us already in a "room": "...be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house."

So, in the end, which do I think is more important, that others know my church doctrines, or that they know my Jesus? The answer is obvious!

White Christmas at the Cruze house!

2008-12-25T16:21:00.001-08:00

With 3 feet of snow for most of the week, this will be a week to remember for our family!

We have had to dig out to the road to get to work every day, but the brightness sure does wonders for the darkness of winter. Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas day!

Lies we Believe

2008-12-08T06:17:00.000-08:00

I was talking with some friends this weekend about some of the lies about God that we tend to believe. The concensus was that the most pervasive lie in the Christian community is that we must be perfect, or at least really, really good, to be saved. Where to people get an idea like that? Unfortunately, I think it comes from the rest of us Christians!

When someone asks one of us, like the rich young ruler did to Jesus, "What must I do to be saved?" we tend to tell them that they need to give up whatever sin we judge them to have before they can be saved. "If only you would quit drinking, live a moral life, quit watching those movies, listening to that music, looking at those pictures..." We forget that it is the Holy Spirit that makes the changes in our hearts and helps us to grow in Christ. We cannot make any change on our own. That is what the real Christian message is all about. If we could do it on our own, Jesus would not have come and would not have needed to die in our place.

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor theives nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God," I Corinthians 6:9, 10 NIV. This is what we tell people when we try to change them into Christians. You better shape up, or you're not going to make it! But we forget the rest of the verse:

"And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." Wow! We were all filthy in our sins, until God got ahold of us and cleaned us all up. It wasn't our "righteous" brothers and sisters setting us straight, it was God.

So, when we are offered an opportunity to help a wayward brother or sister, we need to introduce him or her to a God that loves them more than they can ever know. Help them to know the One that can save them. And let Him do the cleaning!

Full Circle

2008-11-18T04:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in quite a while, not because I haven't had anything to say, but because I haven't had time to write. Well, this morning I have to make time, because, once again, I am reminded of how amazing our God is!

I am not sure where to begin, so I guess I will start at the beginning. About a month ago, I had a new patient that came to us after suffering a major stroke. His only daughter was quite anxious about all that was happening, and she needed a lot of information and support to help her adjust to all of the change in her father's condition. On top of that, she was about to leave for a trip overseas when her dad had his stroke.

Before she left, my coworker and I took the time to pray with her, though she was not in the habit of praying. I also felt a strong urge (read: from God) to give her a copy of my book to read on her journey.

While she was gone, I worried that she would be offended by my book, which is not at all subtle about God and how He works in our lives. I prayed daily that she would be blessed and not offended. I wondered what in the world possessed me to give it to her in the first place.

Then came the worst part: while she was away, her father suffered another stroke and died suddenly. I had not expected that, and I worried about how she would handle the news. I wished that I could have known ahead of time, that I could have prepared her, that I could have done something, anything, to help.

We were able to contact her and give her the news while she was overseas, and when she got back, she expressed gratitude for the care he received. She also personally thanked me for the book, and stated that it was helpful to her. She even wrote a line in her father's obituary thanking me for the care I helped provide in his last hours. It was heart-warming.

Fast forward to yesterday: My pastor called me at work. He was working on a eulogy for a former church member, and he had come across my name in the man's obituary. This patient had once belonged to my church, but had left the church as a child, almost 80 years ago, and his family had contacted MY PASTOR to do the service! That could only be the working of God, as I have never mentioned what church I go to or even what denomination I belong to.

This gave me a fresh perspective on how God watches over us and brings things together. I know that God was watching out for this gentleman all of his life and is still watching out for his family keeping them close. It gives me hope that when I don't see God's hand working in my life that I can still trust that He is there, working all things together for the good of those that love Him.

The times fulfilled?

2008-11-06T05:45:00.000-08:00

I am so glad to see the elections completed. I was appalled at all of the negativity and finger-pointing by so many candidates, in so many races. Of course, the presidential election drew the most attention. I don't recall ever seeing so much controversy.

Now that it is over, we need to be praying for all of our newly elected officials. Like most Christians, I think that a lot of things are declining in our nation, like the economy, morality, freedom, and our national security. I forsee some scary times ahead. But I also know that no matter what lies ahead, God is in charge. He has a plan, the details of which may surprise us all, but He will not be surprised. I see no reason to fear the future, with God in control.

"And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ." Ephesians 1:9 - 10, NIV.

A New Thought

2008-09-24T05:36:00.000-07:00

Here I go thinking again...

I had an experience last week when I was praying for something that had already transpired, though I did not yet know the outcome. I stopped myself, asking, "What is the use? It is already over with. What is the point of praying about it now?"

I have done this many times. For instance, when I was in college, I would pray that I did well on a test after I had taken it. Sometimes it worked. On one particular test, I knew for sure that there were several questions that I hadn't a clue how to answer. On one question, I even made up a word that didn't exist, just so I would have something written down. I prayed about the test all day, and God somehow made the teacher get distracted during the grading or something, because I got an "A". I even got points for the word I made up!

So, back to last week. When I asked myself whether it mattered that I prayed after the event, I had a revelation: God is not constrained by time as we are. He is in the past, the present, and the future all at the same time. So, when I am praying about something that has already happened, God is there. He is also there in the past when the event happened, and he knows that I will pray about it in the "future". He is all-powerful and has the ability to affect change and answer my prayer before I ask it, because to Him, I have already asked it in the future, where is also resides. Pretty deep thought for a blonde, huh?

So, even though I still have many, many unanswered questions about prayer, I know that it doesn't make any difference when I pray, only that I pray. And as to my prayer? It was answered.

Finally back

2008-09-10T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I have finally made it through the task I was dreading: I gave a presentation in front of live people, all adults mind you, and I lived through it. I don't know how the Holy Spirit made me say "yes" when I was asked to speak, as I am sure my mind told my mouth to say "No." So for the past few weeks I have been writing and practicing and changing my presentation daily, so I would have it just right when the time came.

I practiced it the day before, in front of a live audience consisting of my 2 dogs and my teenage daughter. The dogs ran off after they listened for a few minutes and realized that we were not going for a walk, and my daughter fell asleep within ten minutes (I was to give an hour-long presentation). So much for my self-esteem!

When the night finally came, I prayed like never before: God, this is obviously your presentation, as I would never have agreed to do this on my own, so please do the talking for me! And it worked!

I got through the presentation, even slowing eventually to a normal speaking rate, and I even answered questions at the end. To top it off, several of the attendees bought books from me (more, in fact, than I sold all month last month!)

So, once again, God came through for me, helping me to do the impossible, and blessing others along the way (as it truly was His message that I was delivering). Praise the Lord!

cats and motorcycles

2008-08-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Ever since one of our 13-year-old cats came up missing this spring, we have been debating whether or not to get a new cat, as our one remaining cat has been very lonely since her sister has been gone. Well, last evening we took the plunge.

We were visiting our friends, who had a new kitten. He was beautiful--part Siamese with sparkling, ice-blue eyes. Our friends commented that their neighbor, where they got their new kitten, had several more. We went next door to look at them, and we found two that we just couldn't leave without.

But there was a problem: the kittens were infested with fleas. We didn't want to take them home covered in fleas, as we have never had any fleas on our property or on any of our pets. So, we decided to bathe them before we brought them home. They were not thrilled.

Our friends did not have any flea soap, but we thought that a good soak in a tub of water would still help. We were able to wash off at least a couple dozen fleas, but they were still covered. We decided that we would have to stop on the way home and pick up some flea soap, powder, collars, drops, or something, on the way home.

Then we had another problem: How would we get them home? We had travelled to our friends' home on our motorcycle. Our friends offered us a pillow case that served well as a cat carrier, and we were on our way. Did you know that cats don't like motorcycles? We found that out in a hurry!

When we finally made it home with our new bundle of not-so-joyous furballs, we quickly gave them yet another bath, this time with flea soap. Then we dried them off, and put some drops on their necks to keep the fleas from coming back. So, after two baths and a scary motorcycle ride home, they were ready for a meal and a nap. This morning, they are quite enjoying exploring their new home.

This reminded me of our journey home with Jesus. He finds us, all infested with sin. We need to be washed clean, but not just with water, but with special sin medicine -- his blood. Then, he sometimes keeps us in the dark, like the cats in the pillow case, while we travel down a scary road, like the cats on the motorcycle. But eventually, after the journey and the washing, we will enjoy a great feast and have endless time enjoying our new home with God.

Uncomfortable

2008-08-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

The husband of one of my patients is a pastor. After reading one of my books, he asked me to speak at his church. Somehow, I agreed (not I, but Christ who lives within me???) One of my greatest fears is public speaking, second only to being eaten by a bear--but that is a topic for another day!

I have a month to prepare for the message I am to deliver, which should be plenty of time. But in my carnal nature, I have been spending sleepless nights trying to figure out how to use this time to scheme some plan to get out of my "assignment."

You see, God has been leading me down uncomfortable paths for the last year or so, helping me to grow in ways I never imagined. But, the process is slow and painful, as growth usually is. So, last Monday morning, after spending most of the night coming up with excuses to get me out of this task, I got into my car and headed to work.

I turned on the radio, and Dr. Charles Stanley was speaking. The message was that when the Holy Spirit leads us in a direction that is uncomfortable, we must follow. He then systematically deflated all of the excuses I had dreamed up just that night! He explained what a sin it would be to refuse to follow where God is leading me, just because I am uncomfortable with it. I got the message.

As the week progressed, I began to hesitate again. I wondered if each of us, as Christians, actually have the assignment to go and teach and make disciples, as Jesus had commanded, or if that task was only for the disciples and for "the church" but not necessarily for me.

When I went to church this week, guess what the topic was? That's right, it was a direct answer to this question! Yes, we are all commissioned to share the gospel and to go where God leads us. So, no more excuses. I will go where God is leading me. When my tongue stops working and I am dripping with perspiration and my knees are shaking, then in my weakness, He will be my strength, and He will deliver His message through me.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Red Lodge Rally part 2

2008-07-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

Inside the park, we saw thousands of bison. They had many babies within their herds -- a rare sight. Some of the bison were crossing the road or standing so near our bike that we could have touched them, had we dared. I had never seen so many of them in my life! We also saw a herd of elk swimming across a river as we rode through one of the valleys, and we saw many deer grazing in the meadows and along the edges of the road as we traversed the park.

The natural scenery in the park was also amazing! We rode to Artist point, and took photos of the spectacular Lower Falls on the Yellowstone River. We saw the Old Faithful geyser blow, in an exciting show of nature’s power, and many bubbling pools of mud and volcanic steam in various places throughout the park. We cruised by Yellowstone Lake and saw a great variety of birds, and we could see the Grand Teton Mountains in the not so distant background. Our experience was so much more exciting from the seat of our bike than it would have ever been from a car, where we would have to stop and get out every time we wanted to see something. We completed our ride through Yellowstone at about 7:30 in the evening.

By 9:00 p.m. we were at a place called the “top of the world,” high in the Beartooth Mountains, in Wyoming. It was sunset, and the sky glowed red along the crest of rock, forming the peaks of the mountain range to our west. We were at timberline, and we were surrounded by glaciers on all sides. It was spectacular! As we were taking in the breathtaking scenery, we stopped suddenly, as a mother moose crossed the road right in front of us, joining her calf on the left side of the road. I had never seen a moose before!

We continued to ascend the pass for another half hour. I don’t know why we had to keep going up from the “top of the world,” but we finally reached the summit, at just under 11,000 feet in elevation, at 9:30 p.m. It was certainly getting cold, but that didn’t matter, because all around us were glaciers and alpine lakes. Everything was glowing pink and purple all around us, as the setting sun cast its glow on the ice and snow in the glaciers between the craggy peaks. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen! I could have stayed there forever, if it were just a little warmer!

We made it back down the other side, as darkness continued to descend upon us, but I think God made the sunset last extra long that night, just for us, as it stayed light long enough for us to safely find our route. We made it back to our hotel for the night at 11:30. It was the best ride of my life!

We left for home on Sunday morning. Our group split in half part way back, as we each decided to take a different route home. We chose to take the scenic highway 12 from Missoula into Idaho. As we rode along the Clearwater River, the scenery was again amazing! And, as dusk began to creep in on us, we saw the wildlife coming to life along the river. We again had the rare opportunity to see a young moose at the river’s edge.

We arrived home on Monday evening, ending a most amazing journey. I will always remember the beauty of nature and the bonds of friendship that I experienced on this remarkable adventure.

Red Lodge Rally Part 1

2008-07-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

We left for Montana early on a Wednesday morning. It started off a little cold but quickly warmed up. It was a beautiful, sunny day. We stopped for the first night in St. Regis, Montana. From there, on Thursday morning, we crossed the Rocky Mountains in the early morning. As we rode through Montana, we saw so much wildlife. We saw a nest with an Osprey and her two chicks on top of a utility pole. We saw a herd of pronghorn in a field, under a large shady tree. There were many pronghorn and deer scattered throughout the fields as we rode through miles of farmland and pastures interspersed between the mountain ranges. I also saw my first prairie dog, standing watch next to its mound. The scenery was spectacular.

We made it to our destination in Red Lodge, Montana, on Thursday evening. We had reserved a room in nearby Laurel, about 40 miles outside of Red Lodge. Our friends were able to stay in town, some in a hotel right on Main Street, and the others in a rental property on the other side of town.

On Friday morning, we rode into Red Lodge and spent the day checking out the town and all of the vendors that came for the Rally. We were able to relax and get to know the other people in our group that we rode down with, as we only knew one couple to begin with, and the rest were friends of theirs, that we will now be able to call our friends, too. We went to the rental house in the evening and barbecued with our new friends. We had a great time.

On Saturday, we went on a poker run through the Beartooth Mountains that run along the border between Montana and Wyoming and traveled the historic Chief Joseph highway. It was a breathtaking ride! The wildflowers were in bloom, and the mountainsides were covered in yellow, red, and purple. The air was sweet with their fragrance, and there was an exciting new view with each corner that we turned, as we ascended one mountain and descended into another valley. We saw canyons and mountain peaks, and beautiful rock formations of many colors.
We finished our run in Cooke City, Montana, which was near the northeast entrance of Yellowstone National Park. From there, we separated from the rally group and headed off into the Park.

Note in a Tin Can

2008-06-19T17:56:00.000-07:00

I got this off the web, the author is unknown, but I really liked it and wanted to share:

"Years ago, near a seldom-used trail in the Amargosa Desert in California, there stood a rundown hut. Nearby was a well, the only source of water for miles around. Attached to the pump was a tin baking powder can with a message inside, written in pencil on a sheet of brown wrapping paper. This was the message:

"This pump is all right as of June 1932. I put a new sucker washer into it and it ought to last five years. But the washer dries out and the pump has got to be primed. Under the white rock I buried a bottle of water, out of the sun and cork end up. There's enough water in it to prime this pump, but not if you drink some first. Pour in about 1/4 and let her soak to wet the leather. Then pour in the rest medium fast and pump like hell. You'll git water. The well never has ran dry. Have Faith"
"when you git watered up, fill the bottle and put it back like you found it for the next feller.
signed: Desert Pete.

"P.S. Don't go drinkin the water first! Prime the pump with it and you'll git all you can hold. And next time you pray, remember that God is like the pump. He has to be primed. I've given my last dime away a dozen times to prime the pump of my prayers, and I've fed my last beans to a stranger while saying Amen. It never failed yet to git me an answer. You got to git your heart fixed to give before you can be give to."

I think this fits nicely with what I have been learning about prayer this past year. I hope you have been blessed, like I have.

Listening to God

2008-06-18T06:28:00.000-07:00

I was just catching up on some reading, when I found this short piece, in "The Week" magazine, June 6, 2008:

"Good week for devine intervention, after two New Zealand pilots ran out of fuel in midflight and prayed for God's help. The microlight plane came to a safe landing next to a 20-foot sign that said, 'Jesus is Lord.'"

This made me think of all the times that I have prayed to God for an answer to a specific problem or for guidance in making choices. I have asked so many times for a clear answer, like the example above, but usually all I get is that "still small voice" barely noticeable, barely audible. I often think that life would be so much easier if God would use billboards and thunder to get our attention.

But, then, would we really get it? When God speaks to us softly, hinting at his presence, it makes us have to search for him. We have to exercise our spiritual muscles to grow closer to God. If God were more "out there," we might get lazy. Would we really try to get to know and understand Him? Would we spend the time we need, learning to listen, if He didn't continually respond in a whisper? I am glad that He stays just below the surface, where I know that He is there, but I have to quiet the racing thoughts in my mind in order to hear His voice and feel His presence.

What a week!

2008-06-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

Well, my oldest daughter got married this week! It was a beautiful ceremony outdoors, at a local waterfall. The beach below the falls was flooded, due to all of the rain we have been getting, as well as an enormous amount of snow melt, so we had to use squeeze together at the overlook above the falls. The sun actually came out, and the rain stayed away until very late in the day, so everything was just perfect! God's blessings were abundant, even though I had spent much of the week before worrying over every detail. (I am more Martha than Mary --Luke 10:38 -42)

I got to meet my new son-in law just the day before, when we picked them both up at the airport. I was determined to like him no matter what, but I was pleased that he was easy to like. He is very kind, respectful, and funny. He treats my daughter very well, and they are very happy together. I had no problem offering them my blessing. They are now visiting his family in California, before they return to the Navy base to continue their studies.

After having my son and then my daughter and son-in-law home from the Navy, having a birthday party last week for my youngest daughter, and finally the wedding this week, I was almost too tired to go to church this morning, but I am glad that I went. We had a guest speaker, whose message today was on intercessory prayer. If you have been reading this blog, you know that this is where I have been struggling for a while now. It was exactly what I needed. It seems that the pastor had struggled with the same questions that have kept me in the dark, and he was prepared with just the answers I needed. How great that God would use just such a time to reach out to meet my needs!

Book Review

2008-05-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally finished reading, "I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Athiest," by Norman Geisler and Frank Turek. I was thoroughly impressed with the first 3/4 of the book, where the authors give detailed, historical, and scientific reasons that we can believe that God is real and that the Bible is true and accurate. They use evidence from astronomy, biology, genetics, and history to show that Chrisianity is believable beyond a reasonable doubt. I was impressed.

For example, when describing why creation makes more sense than evolution, they say, "As with a car engine, all the right parts must be in place in the right size at the same time for there to be any function at all....living systems quickly would become nonfunctional if they were modified piece by piece." (p.145) And, "The complexity of the simplest known type of cell is so great that it is impossible to accept that such an object could have been thrown together suddenly by some kind of freakish, vastly improbable event. Such an occurrence would be indistinguishable from a miracle." p. 121

I also loved this quote, by Andy Stanley, "My high school science teacher once told me that much of Genesis is false. But since my high school science teacher did not prove he was God by rising from the dead, I'm going to believe Jesus instead."

There are several chapters on why we can trust the eye-witness testimony of Jesus' disciples and other early witnesses as recorded in the scriptures, and a good deal of evidence to dispute the various arguments against the resurrection account, such as, if Jesus didn't rise from the dead, why didn't someone present his dead body and clear up the confusion? Or, why would the disciples and early believers risk their lives to spread the gospel, if they were lying? Some very good points.

That being said, the authors, at the end of the book, leave their rational, relevant, and detailed arguments to go off on a tangent, teaching doctrine that is not biblically sound, and then not providing one iota of supportive reasoning or data. For example:

"You say, 'God will just annihilate those who don't believe.' No, he won't. Hell is real. In fact, Jesus spoke more of hell then he did of heaven. God will not annihilate unbelievers because he will not destroy creatures made in his own image. That would be an attack on himself. (What would you think of an earthly father who killed his son just because his son chose not to do what his father wanted him to do?) God is too loving to destroy those who don't want to be in his presence. His only choice is to quarantine those who reject him. That's what hell does--it quarantines evil, which is contagious." pp 385-386.

My response is: what??? God would rather have people suffer torture for eternity because he loves them so much??? Why would he not destroy them, as his word teaches, rather than cause them to suffer endlessly? Which seems more loving? (and more true to scriptural teaching?) (see Rev 20:9 & 21:8; 2 Peter 3:10; Matt 10:28 & 13:30, 40; Rom 6:23; Psalm 37:9, 20, 34 & 68:2 & 104:35 & 145:20; and Malachi 4:1 for just a few examples of the finality of the punishment)

And again, they say, on p. 393, "After all, God's justice demands that there will be degrees of rewards in heaven just like there will be degrees of punishment in hell."

So, where does he get this stuff? In Matthew chapter 20, the parable of the vinyard workers, Jesus appears to me to explain that we all get the same reward in heaven. And in several places, the Bible tells us that to be guilty of one sin is to be guilty of all, because all we have to do is break one part of the law to be a sinner, and we are all equally sinners in God's eyes. I see no evidence of any hierarchical sins or rewards in my reading of scripture. Maybe they were confused and got the Bible mixed up with Dante's "Inferno"?

So, my recommendations would be to read this book with an open mind, and accept only those segments that are well supported.

Trip to the Big Trees

2008-05-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

"Let the fields and their crops burst forth with joy! Let the trees of the forest rustle with praise before the Lord!" (Psalm 96:12, NLT)

With our son home on leave from the Navy, we decided to take a road trip on our motorcycles to the Redwood forest in California. It was cold and cloudy, with plenty of northwest liquid sunshine as we travelled through Oregon, but our time in California, among the giant trees was perfect. The sun shone bright, the breeze carried the fragrance of the trees and wildflowers, and we could hear the sounds of bird songs, rushing water from a nearby river, and the wind winding through the treetops, as we hiked through miles of massive trees. I can't imagine that I will ever lose the awe that I feel, each time God reveals to me how creative, and yet how powerful He is. To think that he can create such splendor and such diversity, with all creatures, plants, animals, and even the conditions needed to sustain them (air, water, soil nutrients, sunlight, etc) all working together in perfect harmony, and yet he can be interested in even the smallest detail of my seemingly insignificant life amazes me. I just can't get enough of my God and all of his wonders.

God always sends help

2008-04-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

Over the past year and a half, God has placed a special burden on my heart to focus more on prayer. I have always been comfortable with the kind of prayer that is strictly between God and me, the kind where I share my most intimate thoughts and feelings with Him, ask Him for direction, thank Him for the blessings He sends and the lessons that He teaches me (even when they are painful), and share my joys and sorrows. Corporate prayer, where these intimate thoughts become public, and intercessory prayer, where I ask for God to work in someone else's life, have been more challenging.

About a year ago, I asked my pastor for some help in this area. He shared with me a book on prayer, but it really didn't help all that much. It didn't touch on the questions that I had. I was too embarrassed to tell him that I still didn't "get it," and he didn't pursue it, so I moved on. I read a few more books on prayer, which, frankly, left me with still more questions, and no real answers. So, God sent Julie.

Julie is my partner at work. We make such an incredible team. She is strong where I am weak, and we both have such a great love for God and for our "neighbors". As I mentioned to her that I was struggling with prayer, she suggested that we pray together in the mornings. I thought that would be great. I thought she would do the praying, I would say, "Amen," and that would be that. But she had better plans. We trade off days leading the prayer, and our group is not just the two of us. We now have a group of five regulars and about 6 more that come when they can. Sometimes, we meet in a patient's room, or invite them into my office to join us. It has been great! There have been some fabulous outcomes, and I am growing in my comfort with "corporate" prayer. (meanwhile, my church has asked me to lead out in prayer, too. I somehow accepted, and the first time I did it, I was sure that I would see my breakfast again, but with a shaking body and quivering voice, I did it. The second time was much easier, and I know that God is leading me to grow in this area).

As for intercessory prayer, I have always gone through the motions, but I never understood how or why it works. Why would God, who knows the plans he has for each of us, and works all things for our benefit, ask us to pray for others? If it is for our own growth, reaching outward instead of always inward, I could get that. But if we can somehow change God's mind toward someone, or have Him choose a different plan for the person than He already has, then that gets more confusing. (though there is Bible evidence to support this idea). Again, Julie has helped me with this, and it has helped to see God actually answer this kind of prayer.

Finally, last week, Julie taught me something so terrific. There is a young woman that we both know and care about. This young woman read my book, "Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos," about a year ago. Since then, she has asked me many difficult questions about God and the meaning of life, and she has opened herself up to trust me with some personal struggles. She has also shared with Julie and asked her similar questions. I am a bit reserved when it comes to sharing God's good news with others. I don't want to push anyone away, so I hold back. I wait for them to ask me, then I share whatever I can. Julie doesn't wait, and she doesn't hold back. And with Julie's guiding, this young woman accepted Christ last week! I was privileged to be a part of it, and I was able to see first-hand how to take that step of directly asking someone if they want to accept Jesus as their savior. All of these years, I have never known how to do that.

Praise God for the special friends and helpers that He gives us in our journey!

Amazing Love

2008-04-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home today, I began thinking about hymns. I am a young person (at least at heart), and I listen to a lot of contemporary music, but I will never really fall in love with a contemporary song, like I have with some of the old hymns. There is something ageless about some of these old songs, and the writers put so much heart and meaning into what they wrote. You certainly don't get that from hip-hop.

For example, the song, "My Jesus, I love thee" has a verse that goes like this:
"I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me, and purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree; I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow; if ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now."

Just think, if our young people, or even the rest of us, could really wrap our finite minds around such a thought. If we could really understand the kind of love that Jesus has for us, what would that do to our lives? You know, it wasn't the Jews that killed Jesus. It wasn't even the Romans. It was his immense, compassionate, fanatical love for us that made him voluntarily lay down his life!

Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

If we could really, truly believe that, what a difference that would make! We could have no depression, no self-esteem issues. We would see ourselves for who we really are, how God sees us, as someone worthy of God's risking everything in a compassionate pursuit of our hearts. Now that is Amazing Love!

Exhausted

2008-04-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

Well, it is finally Friday, and I am exhausted! It was a long week to begin with, as I had to work 8 days straight before I got one day off, then back to work for another 3. Whew! On top of that, it has been a very emotionally challenging week. We lost 3 patients this week, all of whom were with us for two years or more. That brings us to a total of 7 in the past 6 weeks. Prior to that, we were stable for months and months. And I also lost my cat, of 14 years.

For those of you that know me well, you know that I don't deal all that well with death and dying. So, that makes me rethink my career choice every time I lose one of these dear souls. Why would I ever choose to work in a profession where I have to get close to people and then say good-bye to them? Why do I choose a job, where all too often one of my job duties is to place a call, "I am sorry to tell you that your (mother/father) is passing/has just passed away..." I really hate those calls.

They used to tell nurses, "Don't get too attached to your patients." But how do you "care" for your patients, if you don't "care" for them? Caring is what we do, and we can't help but become attached to someone we care about.

I guess it all comes back to taking the good with the bad. I no longer have a mother or any grandparents, so I love having all of these older folks to share with. They amass such wisdom, and it is great to be a part of their lives. The stories that the "greatest generation" have to tell just amazes me. I love being a part of their lives. They are such a blessing to me. I am a caregiver, but I must tell you, the care goes both ways!

So, when I lose one of my extended "family" members, it leaves an empty space in my heart, just as if I had lost someone in my genetic family. And it is very painful. I do rely on my faith to give me strength in these times, but the pain is still there.

And, just today, I was thinking: I wish the grim reaper were real. Then, I would be able to really tell him off for taking so many of my loved ones away in such a short period of time, and I would find a way to make him go away. But he is not real. And I can't very well tell God to go away! I know that this is all part of His plan and His timing to take them when He does. And, as I wrote in my book, death was not part of God's original plan. He designed us for eternity. And when we messed His plans all up and brought sin and death into the picture, He reformulated the plan, to assure that eternity is still an option for us. And death hurts God just like it hurts us. He hates it, too.

So, I guess I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and just commit to remembering the good times I have had with each of my patients until we meet again, and do all that I can for those that are still with us, to assure that they will make that appointment as well.

April Fools

2008-04-01T06:08:00.000-07:00

I couldn't let April fool's day go by without a short study on foolishness. 1 Corinthians chapter 1 has a lot to say about this:
"I know very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. As the Scriptures say, 'I will destroy human wisdom and discard their most brilliant ideas.' So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe.
"...God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to sham those who are powerful..."
(1 Cor 1:18 - 21, 27, NLT)

Today, I think of Jesus, the biggest fool of them all. He gave up perfection, oneness with God the Father, and all the splendor of heaven to take on the form of humanity. He was despised, ridiculed, tortured and crucified to redeem a fallen race. He took a risk that was simply foolish, and he conquered death to save you and me.

Today, I promise to be as foolish as I can: to turn the other cheek when others take advantage of me, to be forgiving, to look to the benefit of others instead of my own selfishness, to reach out in love to the unlovable, and to seek peace instead of revenge. Can you join me in this foolishness?

Praise

2008-03-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

I don't want to leave anyone hanging after yesterday's entry.

I have heard it said that the quickest way out of the pit of despair is by using the ladder of praise. Well, through God's mercy and the support and prayer from many friends across the globe, I woke up this morning with a song in my heart and a sense of peace like I haven't felt in a long time, and I have been singing God's praises all day long.

Work went smoothly all day. My daughter is feeling better, and dad is holding his own, though he will still be on the ventillator for a few more days. We'll see what comes next when we get there. Until then, I know that God is in control and everything will work out as it is meant to be. So, no worries! PTL!

Storms

2008-03-26T17:25:00.001-07:00

As I was driving home from work today, I couldn't help but notice how stormy it was outside. The clouds surrounding the valley where I live were thick and black, and nearly reached the ground, they were so heavy with moisture. It is cold, and windy. It even snowed off and on throughout the day today.

I found this particularly fitting, because my day had been stormy as well. Work was hard. I was needed in too many places at the same time all day long. My phone rang off the hook. I just couldn't pull it all together. Also, one of my patients is facing the end of her life, and I felt the need to be with her as much as I could throughout the day. Additionally, I have spent many hours in the urgency care clinic and the doctor's office this week with a sick child. On top of that, my daughter called us last night to tell us that she is getting married--in 2 months! Then, my brother called this morning to tell me that our dad was in the hospital and needed emergency surgery. (He pulled through but is still in critical condition).

Sometimes I wish that the world would stop spinning for a while, so I can catch my breath. All of this reminded me of the storm the disciples went through. They were out on the sea, when a terrible storm hit. It was so strong that they were all certain that they were going to die (and they had the experience to know when to be afraid). Jesus was with them on the boat. And he was sleeping. When the disciples woke him, in a panic, he addressed the storm and told it to "be still" and it obeyed. I am so glad that I serve a God who can calm even the fiercest storm in my life, too!

To be with Jesus

2008-03-20T05:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I had to say goodbye to the sweetest lady I ever met yesterday, as she completed her journey on this earth. I will miss her more than words can say. But I am more than grateful for the time I was able to spend with her and to care for her, though I believe she did as much caring for me as I did for her. P.G. was a beautiful lady, inside and out. She raised four amazing children, which is a legacy to the life she lived. Even in her last few years, spent in a nursing home, she was able to work for the Lord, as she reached out to those less fortunate than herself and offered friendship and love to those that needed it. She spoke daily of her love of God, and shared His love freely. She was an inspiration to us all.

So, I am going to work this morning with a hole in my heart. But I praise God that the goodbye I had to say yesterday was really only, "see you later." Reunion day in heaven will be such an unspeakable joy, and it reminds us that our sadness is only temporary, and the reward is worth the wait.

An Easter Revelation

2008-03-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

I am still reading "3:16 the Numbers of Hope" by Max Lucado. What I read this week just blew my mind, so I have to share.

"Mary, the mother of James, and Mary Magdalene have come to the tomb to place warm oils on a cold body and bid farewell to the one man who gave reason to their hopes.

"The women think they are alone. They aren't. they think their journey is unnoticed. They are wrong. God knows. And he has a surprise waiting for them.

" 'An angel of the Lord came down from heaven, went to the tomb, and rolled the stone away from the entrance' (Matt 28:2 NCV).

"Why did the angel move the stone? For whom did he roll away the rock?

"For Jesus? That's what I always thought. but think about it. Did the stone have to be removed in order for Jesus to exit? did God have to have help? Was the death conqueror so weak that he couldn't push away a rock?

"I don't think so. The text gives the impression that Jesus was already out when the stone was moved! For whom, then, was the stone moved?

"Listen to what the angel says: 'Come and see the place where his body was' (v. 6 NCV).

"The stone was moved--not for Jesus--but for the women; not so Jesus could come out, but so the women could see in!"

This was just such an amazing thought. The Lord was already risen. The tomb was empty. God had conquered sin and death. But no one knew. So, the angel had to move the stone, so that humans could be in on the action! It made me wonder what other stones he has needed to move, in my life, so that I could see what was really going on!

Inadequacy

2008-03-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

Well, today, once again, I came face to face with my inadequacy as a Christian. I have a dear friend who is really facing some giants in her life right now. I tried my very best to help her through this difficult time. I felt that I would be able to do something for her. After all, I write books about how powerful my God is, that He can change lives. I just taught my class at church about Elijah on Mount Carmel, confronting 800 prophets of Baal, in a "My God is bigger than your god" battle, and I know that He is. I know that there is no problem that we can face that God can't handle. I know that there is no problem that we can face that God doesn't understand and care deeply about. I know that God can make the best come out of even the worst situation--He has done it for me.

But when I tried to help my dear Sister, I didn't have the words to say or the advice to give. I told her that God had a plan for her life. I said that she needed to trust God to show her what to do, that she needed to be patient, and allow him to work out the details. And I prayed with her (out loud, which I know most of you already know has been a hard skill for me to acquire). I said the best, most heart-felt prayer I could. And it was not enough.

Or at least it felt that way. I know that what I said is true. God will work out the details for the plan he has for her life. She can trust Him. But what if she is really just thinking, "That was nice of her to try to cheer me up," but she doesn't really believe it? I guess I expected some kind of miracle to happen right then. You know, tongues of fire, like the disciples experienced at Pentecost, or at least an overwhelming sense of peace, or something to indicate that God heard our prayers. How will she know that what I told her was the truth? What more could/should I have done? Or do I just sit back and say, "well, God, I did what I could. The rest is up to you?" (of course, it is!) It is just hard to try to help and not see any results. So, I guess I just keep praying and keep trying, right?

Jesus--The Stain Lifter

2008-02-23T18:33:00.000-08:00

Last week, my coworker, Julie, decided to bless the staff on our unit with a hot waffle breakfast, to thank them for all that they do for our patients. I wanted to contribute, too, so I decided to make blueberry syrup to go with the waffles.

The next morning, I got up early and began to make the syrup. I washed the frozen berries that I had saved from last summer. They were so plump and juicy! I knew they would be perfect. I added sugar and cooked them up, making the most delicious, thick, sweet syrup ever! I quickly put the syrup in the container, making sure the lid was tight, and carried it out to my car. I couldn’t wait to share with everyone!

By the time I got to work, however, I found an enormous, sticky mess leaking out of the hatch of my car. The syrup had tipped over and somehow knocked the lid off the container, spilling about a gallon of thick, blue, sticky goo all over the inside of my car! I just couldn’t imagine how I would ever get the mess out. Blueberries make a great dye, so I was sure that my grey carpet would be purple forever.

I had to work all day. I thought about taking the car to the carwash next door to vacuum out the berries, but that still wouldn’t get the sticky syrup out of the carpet, and the stain would still be there. I would need a better plan.

When I got home, I got all of my cleaning supplies together and went to work. I scooped and scrubbed and dabbed and brushed, and then did it all again and again. It took me almost three hours, but with lots of detergent and elbow grease, I was able to get the carpet clean. (The rubber around my hatch still sticks, though I have cleaned it twice more).

This made me think. I have made a sticky, gooey mess of my life so many times. I have great big blueberry sin stains on my heart and soul, but Jesus has just the right “detergent” to get me really clean. The Bible says, “Though your sins are like scarlet (or blueberries?), they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18, NIV). And: “These are they that have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.” (Revelation 7:14, NIV).

I praise God that He is able to cleanse even the messiest sin from my life, leaving no stain behind! Jesus is the best stain-lifter ever!

Family blessings

2008-02-04T06:16:00.000-08:00

My daughter has been in the military for several months now. I have worried a lot about her since she left. I have especially worried about her spiritual life. She is in a special program and must spend many hours a day studying. She also has interactions with people from all walks of life, and I have worried about how she might handle new situations and new ideas. I pray for her a lot, and I have to remind myself that God is watching over her now, and my time to influence her is largely over.

I am pleased to say that I now know that I don't have to worry. My daughter has always shown great interest in spiritual things and has always demonstrated great faith in God. This week, she faced a great challenge, and things worked out in an amazing way:

She has been attending worship services on base weekly and has been highly involved with her new "church". Then, a few weeks ago, she finally got the opportunity to attend a church out in the community. She was immediately impressed that she needed to be involved in the ministry in this church. She was asked to participate in the worship service this past weekend (though I don't know exactly what part she took).

After she accepted the offer, things began to happen. First of all, she lost her ID card. This meant that she could not eat in the mess hall, among other limitations. Also, someone got ahold of her bank Debit card, and drained her account, so she had no money to go off base for her meals. She also broke her wrist. She was tired and hungry. She "had a very bad week."

She couldn't help thinking that somehow these "challenges" had some connection with her feeling that she needed to participate somehow in ministry. She asked her chaplain about it, and she prayed. A lot. She knew God was trying to tell her something.

When it was time for her part in the church service this week, she was given a message by her chaplain, which she was to present to her church. But she decided to give a message of her own. Everyone in the congregation told her afterward what a blessing they had received. Then the chaplain approached her. Would he be upset that she chose her own material, instead of the message he prepared for her?

He also told her what a blessing she had been. He saw that she had a gift. He could see that she was meant to be there. He told her that her message was exactly what that church had needed, and that God must have given it to her. Then he offered her an amazing opportunity: to serve in the ministry as a lay leader! He will oversee all of the paperwork and schedule the hours that she needs, so that she can essentially be an assistant chaplain. And this comes at a time that the current position is coming open!

And as for her "challenges"? She was able to get her credit protection program to work with her bank and her money in her account was restored, and she found her ID card. "Now I can eat!"

What an amazing God!

What's in a name

2008-01-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

In American culture, people are given names for many reasons. If we are named after our parents or grandparents, or other people that were significant in our parents’ lives, our names may have meaning, but more often than not, our names have little significance, except that our parents liked the sound of it. In Bible times, however, people were often given names to describe their character. For instance, Abram, whose name meant “Exhalted father” (though he had no children at the time), was given a new name, Abraham, meaning “Father of many” after God promised to make him the father of a great nation. His son was named “Isaac,” which means, “he laughs,” because, as Sarah (his mother) said, “God has brought me laughter! All who hear abou this will laugh with me.” Gen 21:6.

Isaac had two sons, Esau, “hairy,” and Jacob, “deceiver.” Can you imagine what it must have been like to be in school in that culture? “okay, class, take your seats. Hairy, please sit down. Deceiver, did you finish your homework? Trouble, please erase the chalkboard. Smiley, please hand out the assignments…” I guess my name isn’t so bad after all!

But Jacob didn’t have to keep such a name for long. After a night wrestling with the Lord, he was given a new name, “Israel,” or, “One who struggles with God.” How fitting that he goes on to head a nation that continued to struggle with God throughout history. And now, for those of us who consider ourselves to be part of spiritual Israel, (see Galatians 3:29), we continue to struggle with God in our daily lives.

It seems that throughout the scriptures, whenever someone encountered a life-changing experience with God, he would change their name. Perhaps this is why he promises in Revelation 2:17, “…And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it.” (NLT). I used to think that this meant that God knows something about my character that he wants everyone to know, so he changes my name. I would often wonder what it might be. That is a difficult question: what does God see in me that he would want to name me for? As I have pondered this question, a new idea crossed my mind.

I have read a lot about how bad it is to label our kids (or anyone else for that matter). Kids that grow up being told that they are “losers” or that they will “never amount to anything,” or that they are “stupid” or “fat” or “lazy” end up living up to the labels. They call this a self-fulfilling prophecy. If the kids hear it enough, they start believing it, and then they start acting like they believe they are actually the label. But, this also works the other way around. If we remind them how smart, or successful, or brave, or handsome, or beautiful, or thoughtful, etc, they begin to believe it, if they hear it enough.

So, now I wonder if God is choosing a name for me that will be more of a label of what He knows I can be. Coming from a fallen world, I worry that I won’t be fit for heaven. Maybe God will give me a name like “trusting,” knowing that I don’t have enough trust. Then, I may say to myself, “Wow. If God thinks I am trusting, maybe I am. Then I will start to act more trusting, because I think that God already sees me this way, and I won’t want to let him down. Then, I may actually find that I am trusting, as I exercise my new “trust” muscle.

As I thought about this more, I thought of ways that maybe I could use this new idea. Maybe I will start to call my children by more positive labels. When my daughter challenges me, I can say, “Wow. You are becoming such an independent woman.” When my patients or my coworkers bring me a complaint, I can say, “Thank you for helping me to fix this problem,” instead of shaking my head at their complaints. Maybe I can start looking specifically for people’s positive contributions and will see how caring, or thoughtful, or proactive they are, and treat them that way.

Maybe then God will have to think of a new name for me…..

The Brook Besor

2008-01-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

Right now for my devotional time, I am reading, “Facing your Giants,” by Max Lucado. It is essentially a study of life-lessons from the story of King David. David is one of my favorite Bible heroes. His story gives me strength and courage, and an overwhelming sense of God’s love for me in spite of my failures.

Chapter 9 of Max’s book, entitled, “Plopping Points,” describes an encounter that I have somehow overlooked, in the dozen or more studies that I have done on the life of David.
As the story goes, David and his men had just returned from battle, only to find that their village had been destroyed, and their families had been taken captive by the enemy army. The men were devastated, worn out, and angry. They set off to rescue their families and recapture their belongings.

In their pursuit of the enemy band, David and his army came to a brook, called Besor. They rested a while, got some water, and then David gave the command to get back on the trail, but 200 of the soldiers decided to stay and rest. They could go no further. The army moved on and left them behind.

Max asks, “How tired does a person have to be to abandon the hunt for his own family?”

He goes on, “The church has its quorum of such folks. Good people. Godly people. Only hours or years ago they marched with deep resolve. But now fatigue consumes them. They’re exhausted. So beat-up and worn down that they can’t summon the strength to save their own flesh and blood. Old age has sucked their oxygen. Or maybe it was a deflating string of defeat. Divorce can leave you at the brook. Addiction can as well. Whatever the reason, the church has its share of people who just sit and rest.”

I remember the last time I was at Brook Besor. I can still taste the water. I was overwhelmed by Satan’s attacks on every area of my life. I couldn’t fight anymore. I was at the end of my rope, even considering throwing in the towel and ending my life. I remember yelling at God, “You promised me that you would never give me more than I can handle, but you did! I can’t take it! I can’t go on like this! If you want me to keep going, you are going to have to do something about it, because I can’t fight anymore!”

And do you know what happened? While I was waiting at the brook, too tired to fight, God did what David and his men did in this story: He fought the battle for me! Within weeks, things had changed. Through no effort of my own, some of the problems simply worked themselves out. Others became more manageable, and I was able to gain perspective on how to better handle each situation. Within months, I was back on my feet, and life was good once again.

Just as David and his army continued on their battle, rescuing their families and recapturing their belongings (and making sure that those resting at the brook got their share, even when the rest of the army wanted to exclude them), Jesus fights our battles, and wins the victory for us!

So, when you are battle-weary, come to the Brook Besor and rest a while. Let Jesus fight for you!

Another Miracle

2007-12-28T16:48:00.000-08:00

Boy, has December been a busy month! First of all, my computer has crashed 3 times this month. It is halfway working now, though some buttons and links still are not functional on most web sites for me. I tried to write this blog this morning, but it showed up in Hindi script, and I wasn't able to disable the translation tool, so I am trying again.

We had our annual state survey two weeks ago. I usually don't worry too much about the survey; it is a necessary process, and I always do the best I can at my job, so whether or not someone is checking makes no difference to me. This year was different.

We have a quality assurance nurse assigned to our building by the state, and our Quan, as we call her, doesn't like me. She comes every month, looks through our charts, and always finds some assessment or care plan or other item that she points out (in front of my boss and all of the other managers that I work with) all of the errors that she finds. It is really embarrassing, especially when the errors usually weren't mine, even though she tells everyone else that they are. Then, I usually cry. I finally stopped letting her get to me about a year ago.

Then it happened: The office called down to my unit to notify me that our survey was here, as it is always a surprise visit. I stepped out in the hall to find HER! The Quan nurse was to be MY surveyor. She trumped another state nurse for the position to survey my hall. I felt sick.

I quickly did rounds with the nurse, and when she went off to the office to start working on the first part of her report, I went into the med room to throw up. But, instead, I stopped, took a deep breath, and started to pray. I know that God gave me the words and the thoughts for the prayer, because I didn't pray for what I normally would have. What came out of my mouth was, "Dear Lord, give us both mental clarity, to see what we need to see." I asked God to help her see that the patients were well-cared-for and happy. I asked Him to help me see their findings and answer their questions openly, without any bias or preconceived ideas about what they might "really" mean. And it worked!

By the end of the survey, they found only one item to site in our survey, and it was basically a documentation issue--and they found nothing on my unit! I take that back; the Quan nurse found several things that she asked me to fix, and they didn't ever make it into her report!

A miracle, indeed!

(P.S. the celebration was short-lived, as I contracted a very nasty stomach virus a few days later, and missed almost a week of work. Now I am working overtime to catch up--no time to celebrate. That is why I have been so lax on my blogging of late) Will do better soon!

Divine Intervention?

2007-11-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

I am still reading “Prayer: Does it Make Any Difference” by Philip Yancey. Every day I find something that makes me think in a different way. This passage really hit me:

“I used to spend a lot of energy asking God questions. Why must poverty persist in a rich country like the U.S.A.? Why does one continent, Africa, absorb like a sponge so many of the world’s disasters? When will “peace on earth” ever arrive? Ultimately, I came to see these questions as God’s interrogations of us. Jesus made clear God’s will for the planet—what part am I playing to help fulfill that will?”

You know, I ask these questions, too. Somehow, I expect one of two things when I pray. I either expect God to answer my questions or fix my problems with divine intervention (hopefully in a swift, direct response), or I expect God to show me how to fix my own problem (I like to do it all on my own, anyway). But it never ceases to amaze me how big God really is. I continually need to be reminded that every one of us is interconnected with God and with each other. God uses each of us in an intricate web to help bring about his will in each situation.

One of my favorite books is “The Count of Monte Cristo”. It is a classic, written long before my time, yet it is still intriguing. If you are not familiar with the story, it is about a man who is wrongly imprisoned (he was set up by a friend), and he manages to escape and work out a complex plan to bring down everyone involved in his imprisonment. Most of the story shows him weaving his web of vengeance, and finally, everything falls into place, and it all comes toppling down like a row of dominoes.

In a way, I see God working like that, only with a passion for love and redemption for all of us, instead of vengeance. He sets things in motion that we cannot see or understand. He has a plan to save us way before we even know we are lost. And we each play a role in His master plan to bring about the changes in the lives of others.

I cannot wait until I can see from the other side of this mortal life and can examine the Master plan and can see clearly where I have helped in others’ lives and they have helped in mine. Is God’s method of using human agents to work out His will any less divine than direct intervention? I think not.

Watering Seeds

2007-11-16T05:34:00.000-08:00

Something truly amazing happened to me this week: a dear friend of mine accepted Christ and was baptized on Sunday! While I can't take credit for leading her to Christ (that is the Holy Spirit's job), I was able to be a part of the process. A few of us have been praying for this dear sister for years. We offered her support, I shared my book with her, I brought her a Bible and explained how it is organized and how to find the information she needs within it, and another friend took her to some meetings at her church. And she met God and was changed.

I am so humbled and honored each time God allows me a small part in His plans. He could easily change each one of us without any human interference, but instead, He chooses to let us be his "body" on earth and to do His work down here. Us. With all of our flaws and insecurities and ineptness. He gives us encouragement and guidance, and then lets us have a part in making miracles happen in each other's lives. What an amazing gift! I am truly blessed. I love God more and more every day, and I can't wait to meet him face to face!

A Miracle

2007-11-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

I can't describe it as anything but a miracle. I am used to writing whole chapters, not pages, so I will try to keep it short without missing the important points:

If you have been reading this blog, you know my struggles with prayer, "Why, How, Does it help?" etc. You also know that I have a very hard time praying out loud, with other people around (which is one more reason to do it). Well, my coworker, Julie, recently suggested that we pray together in the mornings. Now, I already pray every morning, once with my daughter, and once on my own, but I need the practice praying with others, and it certainly doesn't hurt anything, so I agreed.

Also, I have been praying specifically (on my own) for God to change my way of coping with things. I am a type-A personality. I worry and fret about everything. I am a perfectionist. I cannot delegate anything on my to-do list, because it may not get done the way I want it done. (Or, it may not get done at all, or it may cause some disaster that I will have to fix later). I am driven to be the best at everything I do. And it is all overwhelming! Sometimes I am so pressured and overloaded that I break down in tears. I have been praying for deliverance from this for so long.

Now for the miracle:

This Monday was "one of those days." Everything went wrong. It had been a terrible weekend, and I am the manager. So my to-do list included a lot of investigation and damage control.

I have a patient with a very difficult family, that luckily lives several states away. Howeve, they came to town over the weekend, and of course, the patient had an event that was mishandled while they were there. Oh, how I wished it had been some other patient! I didn't want to deal with this family.

I also had a total of 6 incidents (falls, minor skin issues) that needed investigation (the investigation often takes up to 2 hours each to complete all the paperwork). Six is my all time record, by the way. Also, we somehow sent a dementia patient to the doctor, when she actually did not have an appointment. And no one went with her. The family was mad, the doctor's office was mad (and called me 5 times to make sure I knew it). And several personal items were reported missing from various rooms over the weekend. Additionally, the doctor made rounds, there were orders to take off, and it was the day I normally do wound assessments, which takes about 2 hours.

Luckily (providencially?) I had help. Julie started the day with prayer; the social worker also joined us. Julie handled many of the tasks, even taking on one of the incident investigations and handling all of the doctor orders. One by one, the problems all got handled. (Even the ones I didn't take care of myself...hmmm). My patient returned safely (everyone was upset, but she was safe, and that is what mattered most). All of the work got done. Most everyone was pleased by the end of the day, even the difficult family. Best of all? I never cried. I knew that God was with me, that I could trust him to handle it all, to give me the skills, the words, the help, and the time to pull it all together. And I felt at peace with it all for the first time ever!

This may not have involved burning bushes, flying angels, or other supernatural events, but for God to change a heart like mine, to free me from worry and anxiety on a day like this, let there be no mistake, was nothing short of a miracle!

How Big is God?

2007-11-02T05:49:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments when something you have known forever suddenly hits you in a completely different way? I have recently had just such an experience.

It started when I went on vacation. My husband and I flew across the country to visit our kids. We were taking turns as to which of us got the window seat. On one of my turns, we were flying through the clouds. Some of the time, the clouds were light and were spread out enough that we got occasional glimpses of the landscape below. At one point, however, the clouds became so dense that they completely obscured the wing of our plane, just feet from our window. The though hit me, "How does God see us through the clouds?"

I was struck by how awesome God is that He can look out from wherever His throne happens to be in the heavens, across the galaxy, through the atmosphere, through the shell of the plane, to see me sitting in my seat!

Then I started imagining how God could not only see me seated on that plane, but, simultaneously, He could see someone else in Africa or China, around the curve of the earth! In my finite mind, I always consider that by being made in God's image, that somehow God should be confined by the same boundaries that limit my human existance. It amazes me that God can have an existance, as a Being, with a shape and form, and yet He can not only be right with me wherevere I am, but He can actually live inside me, and millions of other people as well, all at the same time.

I have always known this about God, since I first became a Christan, but somehow the concept took on a fresh, new meaning that day. Then, a few days later, I was in my car, singing my little heart out to a CD of praise music, and suddenly I had this thought that God was listening to me. Again, I always knew that He hears everything we say, but in that exact moment, I was more keenly aware than ever before that he was actually listening to me.

I started thinking that if it were anyone else, I would immediately stop, as I am not exactly musically talented, but I felt strongly that God loves my praises to Him, no matter what key I'm in (or not in). That led to the thought that even if I were to keep silent, God would still hear me. If I think any thought, or feel any feeling, God knows all about it.

It amazes me to know that God can see me no matter where I am, inside or outside, and that He can understand me, whether I express my thoughts to Him or keep silent.

"Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes..." (Heb 4:13, NLT). The best news is that even though He is bigger than anything we can understand or explain, and He knows our innermost thoughts, He loves us and desires a personal, intimate relationship with us!

2007-10-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

I am still reading, "Prayer...Does it Make a Difference" by Phillip Yancey. Today's reading really had me spinning. The chapter is "Unanswered Prayer: Living with the Mystery." I guess I keep reading, expecting to somehow find the answers to all of my questions about prayer, and I have many! This quote really put things into perspective:

"C.S. Lewis observes: The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of finite and foolish creatures, of couse He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable "success" in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic."

If only the chapter ended there! I can certainly accept that God is sovereign and has the best interest of all of His children in mind when He chooses how to answer each prayer. Of this I have never had any doubt. I have only wondered, "If God already knows what's best, why ask?"

Mr. Yancey goes on, however, to quote several promises in the Bible about prayer:

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatevr you ask for in prayer."

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven."

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

"You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it."

Then he goes on: "These represent just a sampling of the New Testament's sweeping claims made in plain language. Some preachers seize on these passages as a kind of club, flogging the church for not taking them literally and faulting believers for having too little faith. But how to account for the unanswered prayers of Jesus and Paul? And how can we reconcile the lavish promises with the actual experience of so many sincere Christians who struggle with unansweed prayer?"

He answers this question with several possibilities. 1. These promises were specific to the disciples, not to all Christians. 2. Each of these have a qualifier, "whatever you ask in my name." "If you remain in me and my words remain in you." Maybe we are not alligned with God when we make our petitions. 3. We don't wait long enough for the answers. Many requests will have to wait until all things are completed. 4. God works through people. "To pray, 'God, please help my neighbor cope with her financial problems, ' or 'God, do something about the homeless downtown' is the approach of a theist, not a Christian. god has chosen to express love and grace in the world through those of us who embody Christ. Sometimes, instead of asking, we should be doing, and thereby become answers to our own prayers.

Finally, he concludes that sometimes we don't get the answer we are looking for, becuase we don't persist in asking. "John Calvin said, 'We must repeat the same supplication not twice or three times onnly, but as often as we have need, a hundred and a thousand times... We must never be weary in waiting for God's help."

For me, that would be just about impossible. I would find that kind of petitioning to be insulting to God. When my kids beg me, "Please, Mommy, Please!" a million times, I get angry. I expect them to accept my first answer. Why would God want me to keep asking? I know that there are many examples in scripture of such pleading, and often, it works out for the person petitioning. But what about the Israelites, who begged for a King? Look what they got! God gave in to their persistent pleas, giving them what they asked for, not what was best for them. I am afraid for God to give me whatever I ask for. I need what He knows to be best, not what I think is best, from my limited view of my life and circumstances.

Temporary Housing

2007-10-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it back safely from South Carolina. We went to visit our two oldest children, who are in the military. Unfortunately, we were only able to catch up with one of them. The other one is stuck in temporary housing, waiting for orders, due to a medical issue, which has yet to be signed off by the commanding officer. She is not able to move forward in her training, and she is finished with boot camp. She is basically stuck in Limbo until the paperwork is all cleared up.

I was able to make the most of an otherwise wonderful vacation. The weather was perfect, and it was great spending time with our son. But it was hard not being able to see our daughter, when we were certain that she would be there with us.

This kind of parallels the rest of my life, from a spiritual standpoint. I am "on assignment," so to speak, here on earth. I have a task to perform, to "love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself." I am to go into all the world, telling others what Jesus has done for me, so that they may be blessed as I am. But this world is not my home. This life is not my ultimate goal. There is a wonderful, beautifu life ahead of me, where I will live in the physical presence of my Lord. I do not know when I will get my orders to move on. I do not know where or what my next assignment will be. I, too, live in "temporary housing" in this world. And all I can do is look to my Commander and follow my assignments to the best of my ability, with His guidance and direction all the way, until I get there. But I can be certain that one day, when I see Him coming in the clouds to take me home, that it will be the most amazing homecoming the universe has ever seen!

Perfection

2007-10-07T07:44:00.001-07:00

In my devotional reading the other day, I came across this passage, from “God’s Way Day by Day,” By Charles F. Stanley:

“Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,” Hebrews 12:2

“You are a work in progress. God is molding and fashioning you into a person with whom He wants to live forever. Because of this, you have the hope that you are not going to be the same person tomorrow that you are today. If you are opening your life to God’s love, and you desire to have God’s love work in you and through you, then you are going to be more like Christ tomorrow than you are right now. Next week, you will be even more like Christ. Next year, you will be even more like Him. And so on.”

This really got the wheels in my mind spinning! On the one hand, I completely agree. I know that God, through the work of the Holy Spirit, transforms us, and I have seen much evidence of the kind of growth that Dr. Stanley is describing in my own life, as well as in the lives of almost every Christian that I know.

The apostle Paul puts it this way, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be.” Phil 3:12, NLT. I can relate to this. I am a type-A personality. I want to be in control, and it is easy for me to set a goal and to work really hard to achieve it. Jesus even says, in Matthew 5:48, “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” But when I read verses like these, it is so easy for me to assume that God started a work in making me perfect, and it is up to me to keep at it, as if to earn my own righteousness.

And herein lies the problem: I can’t do it! That revelation leads to feelings of failure and unworthiness and keeps me from seeking God’s presence. Like so many, I feel rejected, like I don’t measure up. But I am missing the point.

The apostle Paul tells us, “In its place you have clothed yourselves with a brand-new nature that is continually being renewed as you learn more and more about Christ, who created this new nature within you,” (Col 3:10, NLT). Jesus starts the process, and He finishes it. We can’t do it. We can’t develop our own character, and we can’t achieve perfection through our own works! We need to come to Him and allow Him to make the changes, to mold us and shape us in His way.

And that leads me to the other “hand” that I referred to earlier. While we are so focused on the process of becoming more perfect and working for our own salvation, we miss the point that when we accept Jesus as our savior, we take on His perfection. Paul again tells us, “…by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” Hebrews 10:14, NIV. He has made us perfect but he is working on making us holy. “What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!” (2 Cor 5:17, NLT). God sees Jesus when He looks at those that come to Him in Jesus’ name. Jesus said, “I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are—I in them and you in me, all being perfected into one….” John 17:22, 23, NLT.

So what are your thoughts on this renewal process? Do we actually grow up into Christ, or are we made perfect by accepting His sacrifice and taking on His perfection? Is our perfection even God’s goal in the first place? Can we expect to attain perfection through Christ this side of eternity? Does this line of reasoning come from our worldly perspective of trying to earn our salvation? Does it help you to know that Jesus accepts you where you are, but he doesn’t leave you there? Or does the idea of His changing you and helping you grow make you feel like maybe you will not be able to do it and leave you feeling helpless and rejected?

Triumph!

2007-10-01T05:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it! I said the prayer in front of the church. Luckily, I only had to do it during the early service (we have 2 services), and most of the people must have been sleeping in, so the room was half empty. I got up to read the scripture, and I told myself, "This isn't so bad. I can do this." Then I said a quick prayer under my breath, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength....Please be with me." I read the scripture, and everything was fine. Then I asked the congregation to kneel with me for prayer. I started, "Our gracious and loving heavenly Father..." Uh, oh! I started shaking.

I had a wireless microphone in my hand, and I almost couldn't hold it. I quickly grabbed it with my other hand. Now both of my hands were shaking wildly, barely holding the mic. I continued speaking. My voice was quivering. "Hurry. But don't talk fast. Don't panic," I told myself. I concentrated on the words I was saying. I pictured Jesus in my mind. "I am only speaking to Him. No one else is here." I told myself. I continued with the prayer. Finally, I got to "Amen." I did it! I hurried to my seat, and immediately my eyes welled up with tears. But I made it! I didn't pass out or throw up. And I didn't run away!

God helped me to face my fear, and I survived! My husband said he couldn't tell that I was even nervous (although I am sure he would say that no matter what). Will I try it again? I don't know. But if I need to step out of my comfort zone again, I know I can count on God to get me through it, just as He did this time.

Lessons

2007-09-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I really blew it! You know how when you ask God to help you with something, He always comes through, in one way or another? Well, I always forget that when you ask God to teach you something, that it involves PAIN! You have to go through tough situations to grow. Well, this one, for most people, wouldn't be such a painful thing, but for me....

I have already mentioned some of my struggles with prayer. I do pray. All the time. But I have had a lot of questions lately. And I have never been able to pray out loud, except with the kids in my church, who are just as nervous about it as I am. But, I have asked God to help me to grow in the area of prayer. I meant to ask for his help understanding prayer, not actually doing it. But this week, I was asked to lead out in prayer, in front of my church! Yikes! I can't back out, because I know that God will just make me do it anyway, maybe not this week, but sometime, and maybe under less favorable conditions.

To top it off, I think He has even bigger plans for me, because I have also been invited to speak in front of another church. Not the sermon, mind you, but as a featured guest, to discuss my life, and my book (and the one I am about to publish in a month or two). It is a great opportunity, but I am really not ready. OR at least I don't feel ready. But then, when would I ever be ready, if I never got started? So, here I go...jumping in with both feet! Good thing God knows what he's doing, since I don't! :)

Prayer

2007-09-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

I am still reading the book, "Prayer, Does it Make any Difference" by Phillip Yancey. It is really opening my eyes to a lot of ideas. So many of my questions, he answers directly, as he, apparently, has stumbled over the same things that are hindering me in my prayer life. In yesterday's section on unworthiness, I came across this passage:

"As if in direct rebuttal, the Bible gives a detailed record of God listening to prayers from decidedly unworthy people: from short-fused Moses to puerile Samson to the rough sailors who threw Jonah overboard, let alone the sulky prophet himself. God responded to King David's prayers of repentance after the sins of murder and adultery, as well as the desperation prayer of wicked King Manasseh. Jesus commended the prayer of an unworthy tax collector above that of an upright Pharisee.

"A sense of unworthiness hardly disqualifies me from prayer; rather, it serves as a necessary starting point. Apart from feeling unworthy, why call on God in the first place? Unworthiness establishes the ground rules, setting the proper alignment between broken human beings and a perfect God. I now consider it a motivation for prayer, not a hindrance." page 185.

Wow! I never thought of it that way. It is exactly because I am unworthy to ask anything of God that he wants to listen to me and lend me a hand. It goes back to that whole trust thing that I struggle with so much. But I am learning. Slowly but surely.

And I am sharing this with my daughter, too. We have been working on prayer together in the mornings, as I take her to school. We take turns praying for each other and for whatever else is on our minds. This week, she had a presentation to make in one of her classes, and she was very nervous. She has panic attacks, and she was afraid that she would get one during her presentation. She has a new teacher and doesn't know most of the other students yet, so we prayed that God would help her through it. She said, "I wish I could use an overhead, like we did last year. It is easier to do in the dark."

After school, I asked her how it went. "It was amazing! The power went out in our classroom right before my presentation, so I actually did do it in the dark!" The outage was random and affected various areas around the school, but there was no reason for what happened. How is that for an answered prayer!

Answered Prayer

2007-09-13T05:35:00.000-07:00

Even though it shouldn't, God's way of answering my prayers never ceases to amaze me! The two patients that I prayed about and fretted over had amazing things happen yesterday!

As soon as I got to work, the one patient that was on the morphine was up in her wheelchair, wanting to eat breakfast in the dining room! She was pain-free all day! Our staff and her family were all equally amazed at her significant improvement in just one day!

And the other patient? She continued to get weaker and more confused. Her daughter sent me faxes and called me, trying to figure out what was going on with her. The amazing thing is that the lab had drawn what was supposed to be a blood count, to check for bleeding and infection. What they ran, however, was a metabolic panel, which showed a major imbalance. That explained everything! So, I am certain that this "lab screw-up" was actually God saying, "Duh, you guys. Look at this!"

Again, I learned that all of my fretting and whining was for nothing. God was telling me all along that I just needed to trust him! Maybe someday I will learn?

A Tough Day

2007-09-12T06:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days! I have two patients that are not doing well. They both have very involved families, who are attacking problems from the exact opposite sides. One patient is failing at rehab, is losing weight, not eating, and is rapidly declining. The family is doing everything possible to help make their loved-one well, grasping at every possible option, questioning every medication, requesting every possible test, and trying everything in a desperate attempt to bring their family member back to what she once was. It was very difficult yesterday, when I had to discuss tube feedings with this family. There were lots of tears, lots of questions, and at least 6 different phone calls to address the issues the patient is having.

On the other end, I have a patient with heart failure. She went to the hospital last week, and they were unable to do anything more for her. They referred her to hospice, which means that they have determined that she probably has less than 6 months to live. She is a wonderful lady, who is always smiling and always has a joke or a high-five to share with someone else. We all adore her. She is really in no distress, but she is consistently has dizziness and chest pain that we cannot control. Her family is holding a bedside vigil and requesting morphine at least every hour, to "help" their mom. Now, I am not one to withold pain medication, but in my experience, the amount and type of morphine that we are being asked to give is what we would normally give someone with only days to live, when he/she is no longer eating, drinking, or able to get out of bed. This patient is not at this point, so it is difficult for me and my staff to follow through on their requests. At one point, the patient's respirations were very shallow and less than the 12 breaths per minute, at which point we are not legally allowed to give morphine, as it slows breathing. I attempted to explain this to the family, and offered other comfort measures. The family was not pleased, and several interactions did not go well.

By the end of the day, I was praying: "God, make this stop! I hate this. It is too hard for me!" To which God replied, "Of course it is too hard for you, but this is not about you! You are not in this alone. I am with you. Remember: 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength?" (Phillipians 4:13). So, I changed my tune. "God, please give me the strength I need to help these people, and the energy to endure all these phone calls and conferences....And I still hate it! Maybe you can send someone else." Again, God replied, "But I am sending you. This is so hard, because you care. If you didn't have a heart and compassion for these people, it would not be hard. But I don't want them to be taken care of by someone who has no heart. I want you to do it. I am with you."

So, off I go again. I am still praying that God will give me strength, endurance, and plenty of compassion. I am thankful that I have an amazing team of nurses and CNA's that are giving loving, compassionate care to both of these patients and their families, and I know that God will take care of it all in his time, and in his way. So, I am trusting him today, instead of trying to do it myself.

Spinning out of control

2007-08-30T05:25:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, my oldest daughter followed her brother into the Navy. We have always been really close, so this has been hard for me. I have always imagined that she would grow up and go off to college, and that maybe she would buy a house close to home. No matter what, I always thought that I would get to call her every day and visit her whenever I wanted. But that is not to be. Now it is only by mail and an occasional phone call that we can stay connected. I know it will get better when she graduates from boot camp and schooling and settles down a little, but it won't be anything like what I had expected.

In addition, my boss has been on vacation for two weeks at work. She left me in charge of the one thing that I hate most: incident reports. I have to follow up on every fall, every bruise, every little thing that happens, and make sure that we have everything in place to prevent it from happening again (like that is possible!). I don't even have time to do all of my work on a normal day, and this is a lot of extra work, and added stress, for me. We also admitted a patient two weeks ago with some really serious health problems and a family that calls me 4 times a day wanting minute-by-minute updates on her condition. Yikes!

You would think that would be enough, but I am also trying to complete my second book, which I could probably finish in about a week if I had time off, but at this rate it will take me a couple of months. And I have another publishing project that I am trying to get off the ground as well. And then I have lessons to prepare for my class at church. I also have normal day-to-day stuff like chores, cooking dinner, and spending time with my family. I fell like a juggler with too many balls in the air. I hope I don't drop any!

So, one would think that with all of this on my plate, I would at least go to bed early and get plenty of sleep, but that would make too much sense! Instead, I got up Tuesday morning at 1:30 am and stayed awake to watch the lunar eclipse! I am such a nerd! But it was worth it. I love watching the extreme parts of nature. Like climbing to the top of an active volcano, and looking down into the steaming crater. And meteor showers...I love meteor showers.

The great thing about these events is that it reminds me of how amazing and powerful our God is! To think that He is able to keep the moon from escaping the earth's gravitational pull and hurling out into space at a trillion miles a second! And He still remains personally involved in the lives of every single person, and I believe every other creature, on earth (and who knows how many other planets, too). I am convinced that if He can keep all of the planets and stars and other objects all in their orbits, He can keep my life from spinning out of control as well. So, no matter how many balls I am juggling, I can rest assured that He is in control, and I can trust Him no matter what happens.

In the End

2007-08-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

I just lost a patient yesterday. This was the second one in two weeks. The facility where I work mostly does rehab, so it has been months since someone died on my unit. The man who died last week had only been there less than a week, and it was expected, but my patient that died yesterday had been with us for almost 4 years, so it was difficult for all of us.

This guy was a real joy to have around. He was very smart and had a great sense of humor. He had had a series of strokes and was unable to walk, so he was in a wheelchair. Whenever someone would push him around a corner, he would yell out, "BEEP BEEP" in his loudest, most authoratative voice, to avoid a potential collision. He kept us all smiling.

His wife, on the other hand, was a bit scary. She had complaints all the time. It seemed that she would not be satisfied unless we could add about a thousand square feet to his room and provide a personal one-on-one assistant. Sometimes, (though infrequently) when I would see her coming, I would sneak out the back door or go down another hallway to avoid her. I know that sounds awful, but it is true.

However, I didn't hide from her because she was a bad person. She was a truly devoted wife, and I know her husband was blessed to have had her for more than 50 years. I hid from her because I felt so inadequate to do anything. I always do the best I can, but in an institutional setting, I can only do so much.

So, yesterday was hard. But it was very good. My patient was awake and talking, wanting to get up for breakfast at 7:00 am. By 10:00 am, he was gone. We had enough time to call the priest, and his family was with him when he finally passed. He did not suffer. And, when his wife melted into my arms when it was over, I knew it was all worth it.

Sweet Perfume

2007-08-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

In our church, we are studying the book of Ephesians. As the pastor was talking, my mind, and my eyes, began to wander, and I came across these verses, from the New Living Translation: “Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume to him.” (Italics mine).

That really made my mind spin! I thought of Hebrews 12:2: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I always think of the sacrifice that Jesus made with sadness. I think of the pain and the ridicule that He endured. I imagine what I would have done in the same situation, and I cannot help but be very glad that the whole thing didn’t depend on me; I would have thrown in the towel early on. And he could have, too. But to think that the cross brought God joy, like sweet perfume? This was a fresh, new idea for me.

Of course, I know that our salvation brings God joy, “…there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.” (Luke 15:10, NLT). But I always think that that comes later. It is hard to imagine that God was pleased with the sacrifice of Jesus at the time. As a parent, it would break my heart to see my child suffer and die, even for a good cause. But God knows the end from the beginning and was able to see the amazing results of Jesus’ sacrifice through the pain and could rejoice even during such a time.

So, when I go through trials, maybe I should keep this in mind. God is working to bring good things into my life, and perhaps to others through me. So, when I am struggling, if I could keep the perspective that my trial will be short (even a lifetime is short when measured against eternity), and that in the end, it will all be very good. I need to focus on the joy that is before me, as Jesus did.

Preparations

2007-07-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

I was a little rushed for my devotions this morning, so I decided just to open my Bible and start reading wherever I happened to be. Now, I am usually much more structured in my devotions and study, so this was not normal for me.

I read only four verses, but they hit me in a way I have never imagined before. John 14:1-4 says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (NIV).

I guess I have been working with children for too long, because I have always imagined that Jesus was up in heaven, working on some celestial building project. After all, he was a carpenter’s son! But if he spoke the world and everything in it into existence (see Genesis chapter one and Psalm 33:6), why would he take 2,000 years to “prepare a place” for us? There must be something else going on.

I thought about this all day. What is Jesus doing up there, to prepare for us? I think there may be several things. First of all, I think he is directing events and guiding the Holy Spirit to influence each of us, individually, in our growth and our relationship with God, so that we will be ready.

Second, Hebrews tells us that he is acting as a priest in our behalf, “…but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him because he always lives to intercede for them.” (Hebrews 7:24, 25, NIV). He hears our prayers and offers us forgiveness and cleansing, and he covers us with his righteousness, so that we will have a place in heaven.

Finally, and most importantly, he is completing his plan to restore order to the universe. “Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” (Hebrews 10:13, 14, NIV).

So, when I see that Jesus is “preparing a place,” I find that he is not building and planting, cooking and cleaning, as we do to prepare for guests. He is working out the plan of preparing our hearts for eternity with him, preparing all of heaven and the angels to accept us under his righteousness, and he is preparing his final plans to destroy sin forever and bring everlasting peace and joy to the universe. What a preparation!

Lessons on Prayer

2007-07-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

God has recently used an experience in my life to show me that it is time to grow again. Like most people, I would rather settle down into a quiet, mundane, non-eventful life than to go through what it takes to grow and learn. But, whenever things seem to calm down in my life, something always happens to shake things up. I don’t think God wants me to get comfortable with status quo, because He has so much to teach me, and I really have precious little time to learn.

My recent shake - up has been in the area of prayer. I am pretty faithful with the amount of time I spend in prayer, and like everything else in my life, I have a certain formula that I tend to use when I pray. I always start with thanking God for this and that, and then I ask for God’s help with whatever needs I have or see for someone else. As a type-A personality, I am generally task-focused, and that is true about my prayer life as well.

I had been praying for a very good friend of mine, who was expecting her second child. She was having a difficult pregnancy and was struggling with depression. She needed the kind of peace that only God could give. I asked God to bless her in a special way, to make her aware of His presence in her life and to show her that she mattered to Him. Mid-way through the pregnancy, she found out that her baby had a deformity. It was devastating. I prayed now not only for her own strength and healing, but for her baby. She wanted the baby to be well, but she was preparing for what it would take to raise a baby with special needs. And she was trying hard to trust God to make everything okay.

I know I prayed more earnestly and diligently for her than I have ever prayed in my life. I asked for God’s healing, for a demonstration of His power and of His love. But, God said, “No,” to my prayers. At seven months, my friend went into early labor, and she lost the baby. How do you make sense out of something like that? I was so confused. I felt betrayed. I guess I felt like most spoiled children do when Daddy says, “No.” I started asking, “Why?” “Why did you let this happen?” “Why didn’t you DO something?” Finally, I asked what was truly underneath it all: “Why do you ask us to pray, when we really have no control over the outcome, anyway?” (Notice the word control…I always get upset when I realize that I am not the one in control!)

Now, I know that God doesn’t mind when we ask Him questions. In fact, He encourages it, as long as we are asking out of an honest desire to understand Him. However, I don’t think He likes to answer our questions until we take the first step, which is to exercise our faith and trust Him. We need to believe that He knows what He is doing, even if we don’t understand. After we trust Him and follow Him in faith, He will lead us to understand. This has led me to search for answers, though I wasn’t really sure I was ready for them. I started reading books on prayer, studying scriptures, and yes, praying about prayer. And, slowly, God is opening my eyes, and my ears.

Here is what he is showing me so far:

Prayer is not one more thing for me to check off on my “to do” list. It is a time for me to be present with God. I mean really present. I tell myself that I am aware of God being with me all the time, and I often talk to him throughout the day, thanking Him for the great things that happen, seeking advice with my choices, etc. But what about the times when I am really not paying attention to Him? What about when I am at work, and my boss gives me the 300th project that must be completed before I can leave for the day. Do I really know that God is with me at that time? Or, when I am driving home, and I am stopped in traffic, and every light turns red, and I am frustrated, and I don’t think I’ll ever get home. Do I know God is there? And when I am praying, am I really in the presence of the Awesome God of the Universe? Am I really there? Phillip Yancey says, in his book, “Prayer: Does it Make a Difference?”: “Prayer that is based on relationship and not transaction may be the most freedom-enhancing way of connecting to a God whose vantage point we can never achieve and can hardly imagine.” (Page 55).

I guess I was missing something all along. Prayer is so much more than a quick comment or question thrown up to God, as I go about the rest of my day. It is more than communication. It is my connection to the Creator of the Universe. And, in spite of His power, His position, and His wisdom, He actually wants me to talk to Him, He wants to teach me things, and he wants me to know Him, intimately. The question I should be asking isn’t “Where is God in all of this,” but “Am I open to being in the presence of God, actively listening and seeking His will, seeking to know Him better?”

Reflection

2007-07-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

Well, after a 3 month hiatus, I have decided to try my hand at blogging again. So much has been happening that I haven't had much time to write. No journaling, no e-mailing, no poems, nothing. Truthfully, the whole thing has a lot less to do with a lack of time than with a lack of motivation. I usually write about spiritual things, about how God is leading me in my life.

Well, God is still leading me, but lately, I have been going through one of those quiet, reflective times, where I don't feel motivated to do anything, but am listening, learning, and absorbing. I feel a lot of growth happening, but that is also unsettling.

I think the whole thing started with a question about 2 months ago. I am searching for an answer from God, and it is coming slowly. But it kind of put everything else to a standstill. Until I get my question answered, it is really hard to move forward. I know that the Holy Spirit is the one that has directed me to ask the question of God, so that I can know the answer, but in the meantime, growth is hard. I sometimes think of how much easier it would be to just continue on, status quo, without having to change my thoughts, my life patterns, my attitudes. But then I would miss out on the great things I will be able to see, to know, to do when God brings me to the place where I am ready.

So for now, I am thankful that He is patient with me, and bringing me through this process at a pace I can handle. And I am listening.